Peter Lawrence
Copyright 2011 Peter Lawrence
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After listening to a sermon in church about “God speaking to us in our dreams”, I soon had several continuous dreams about this book. I followed the sermon and paid attention to my dreams. Now that the book is here, I would like to say:
“Thank you God.” mainly for giving me this vision. I would also like to thank all the people that played an important part in making this book become a reality.
Blood, Sweat and Tears, Peter
Kennedy
The weather man called for a day filled with a light haze, overcast skies and morning dew. He also stated that there will be a few light showers. However, this gloomy day could not begin to compare with the feeling of doom Kennedy was already feeling as she sat at the kitchen table drinking her morning coffee and thinking for what she may find out later. She did not even want to read the paper “something she enjoyed.” But for now, her mind raced with several thoughts of the last time she was with a man; it had been a while, yet, she remembered as if it were yesterday. He was tan with a swimmers’ body and without any marks on his physique; his broad shoulders reflected a powerful stance with his height and strong hands. His dark brown, curly hair, green eyes, and great smile would make any woman smirk. Kennedy recalled the vivid memory of how they made love in the shower. She especially loved reminiscing about his hands and when they touched or held her; in his arms she felt safe.
They did not fuck, they made love and when he first entered into the shower, he took her by the hand allowing her to follow. As they use a magnolia scented shower gel, they caressed each other under the warm water. Kennedy eyed the lather dripping down from his muscular defined chest thinking how appetizing he looked. Caressing her breasts with his strong hands he made her body quiver. She loved feeling that thick vein on his dick as it pressed against her thigh. He slowly went down on her, licking her from the top of her belly button following the hairline down to her rich moist chocolate cake. Once he tasted her juices he stood up and he motioned her down to her knees causing her to gently place him in her mouth. She felt him steadily throbbing and growing in her mouth. He pulled her by the shoulders, turned her around and bent her over to slowly enter her punanny. With his every stroke, her body shook and shivered making it difficult for her to speak. She began to have multiple orgasms it felt good to her so she started begging for more. He stood there wet and stiff, rubbing her back until she came again and again. She turned around and wanted to pleasure him just as he pleasured her. Returning to her knees, she had him stand still without touching her and she proceeded to suck his dick until her mouth was full of his cum. To this day, she can still smell the scent of his “Bond” cologne, it had a musk scent. Thinking about it made her punanny throb, ache, and wet all over again. Those were good memories, but thinking about that day also brought sadness; it was also the night of her terrible car accident. The wind was blowing out of the East twenty to twenty five miles per hour. The street was slippery from the earlier rain and traffic was moderately heavy for a Friday night. In the distance, Kennedy could hear the sirens. Wiping the blood from her forehead, she could feel her leg pinned under the steering wheel. With slightly blurred vision, Kennedy was dazed and confused as to what happened to her or to the car speeding through the yellow light that hit her new BMW. She almost died that evening, and receiving several urgently required blood transfusions was the main thing that helped save her life that night. The irony however, it’s the same thing that brings her to this dreaded day. All of these thoughts played with her emotions and then reality jolted her out of her daze. Kennedy didn’t have the time to reflect she needed to prepare herself mentally for today. Leaving the table and walking to her bedroom, she laid out her clothes then went to the bathroom for a quick, relaxing shower. In the corner of her shower were her favorite Chanel shower products.
Kennedy loved anything and everything by Chanel. With a lathered body Kennedy would enjoy cupping her hands and raising them to her nose to savor the scent of her Chanel body wash. When she was finish showering, she stepped out and faced the mirror staring at her dark, chocolate body noticing the weight loss. She was hoping today would turn out well. Drying off with her cream, plush towel, she grabbed her Chanel lotion from the peach colored marble counter top sink and rubbed it on her skin. All the while thinking how it, made her skin feel so silky and smooth. She was easily overtaken by its sweet smell.
Kennedy’s closet was full of tailor made clothes. On the bed she had laid out one of her dark gray pantsuits, a light gray blouse, red scarf and some black pumps all by her other favorite designer Dolce & Gabbana. As a five-eleven, dark skinned, slender woman, she was able to wear anything. People would compare her to a modern-day Egyptian goddess. She was tall with wavy, jet black hair, and dark brown eyes that had a tinge of a pearl reflection. Everything about her gave others a sense of royalty, status, Fortune 500, career woman, bringing real game to the world of business. She has nice slender fingers the kind you want to suck. She always wore French manicured nails. No matter how she felt, Kennedy had to smell good and look the best.
Kennedy decided to call her parents before leaving, although it was early, it was common, and she knew that she could call her parents anytime. Being that she was the only child her parents look forward to talking with her every day. Kennedy’s parents, Victoria and Grant have been married forty-five years and lived in New York City their entire lives. Kennedy’s parent’s lived in the same house where she grew up. Kennedys’ mother is a high school teacher. Her father, Grant has been with the New York Police Department for ten years. They worked hard to give Kennedy everything she needed and almost everything she wanted. Kennedy’s High School was in Queens, where she was on the debate team. That’s where she developed her desire to become a lawyer. After graduation from High School, she attended ST John’s J Peter Lawrence
College and graduated in the top five percent of her class. It took a while to find a job after college but with perseverance she eventually landed a job. With one of New York City’s top law firm, Thomas and Whitehead. She enjoys being considered as one of the top leading prosecutors in the firm. With a high conviction rate, and a knack for knowing the law, Kennedy was determined to make partner by the time she turned forty. But a couple months after turning thirty-five, she had the car accident in which she almost died. This caused her to lose a huge amount of blood. The doctor told her parents that night that in order for her to live, she would need the transfusions. It was a decision that her parents had to make to save her life. They sat in the waiting room thinking about how their daughter, their precious little princess could die. That night, her father held onto her mother and he recalled details of teaching Kennedy how to ride a bike. Her mother was a wreck, crying and begging God to save her daughter. Then, hours later the doctor told them that Kennedy was going to survive and at that time her mother shouted, “Thank you God!” After forty-five years of marriage, this was the first time her mother saw her father cry. In their minds, her parents knew that although she was thirty-five, she remained their little princess and daddy’s little girl. A couple of months later, Kennedy returned to work without needing any physical or mental adjustments. She worked as if nothing had occurred and more than ever, she was determined to make partner.
Ring, Ring, Her dad answered, “Hello.” “Hi dad how is mom?”
“Mom is fine, but she’s not here right now, she has already left for work. Kennedy was happy her mother was at work. Speaking to her would have made them both cry. Kennedy had a full schedule today, and she could not afford to get emotional.
“Are you okay”? “Yes.”
“How is work princess?”
“Work is fine; I am getting ready to go to the office now.” Kennedy takes a slight pause.
“How’s work with you?”
“It’s okay; they have me working in lockup.” “I know you don’t like that dad,” she said. “What can I do, it’s a job besides I only have one year left and your mom and I will take that trip we’ve been planning.”
“When I make partner I’m gonna send you and mom on that trip.” “Well, I just called to see if everybody was okay.”
“We’re okay, how about you, have you met someone yet?” Kennedy hates when he asks, because the answer never changes.
“No, I just called to tell you I love you.”
“What’s wrong?” her father asked sounding concern, as a father should. Kennedy quickly answered,
“Nothing is wrong.” She knows her father can always tell when she is lying.
“When are you going to get a roommate, you know I hate you living alone, your apartment is big enough?”
“A roommate is out of the question.” Kennedy said aggressively.
“I thought about a dog, but I work long hours and he would be home by himself most of the time.” They spoke for a while longer. “I have to get off the phone now dad, I’m going to be late for work.” Kennedy has a good relationship with her parents, and her father is constantly reminding her that she will always be daddy’s little girl and her mother’s best friend. So there’s no way that she could tell them what she had planned. It would break their hearts if they knew she was HIV positive. The stigma is still attached and some family still view this as a death sentence. Kennedy knew what they had been through and how they reacted with the car accident. She didn’t want them to be upset or worrying all over again, especially when she tried to remember what her parents told her, “Whenever there’s rain there’s sunshine afterward.”
Octavia
“It was six-thirty in the freaking’ morning!” Octavia was just arriving to her apartment from a long night of promoting of an opening of another new night club. This is a true New York East Village apartment. This is the area where most young professionals and rising artists desired to live. It is considered a trendy part of Manhattan despite the drug dealers on the corner. Jiggling the key in the front door, she rushed in to be greeted by what she considered her sanctuary. “Finally, damn it,” she said with a hint of a whisper entering her ninth floor apartment and kicking off her heels onto the parquet floors that covered the entire apartment. Clean and small with antique white painted walls. It was a quaint place, a space created for any of her moods after a night of promoting. Two thin, copper floor lamps with blue scarves thrown over the lamp shades giving it ambiance are in the corners. Egyptian art on the walls, and two mahogany end tables on each side of her deep, red, lipped shaped sofa that she purchased from a vintage store around the corner. The sofa was positioned in front of the window that leads to the balcony. It is just big enough to hold a bistro table and a chair and it rendered it a great view of the city skyline. Whether it was night or day, her apartment was high enough for her to sit on her balcony and enjoy the view of the city. Every balcony is adorned with each neighbor’s personal touch. At night she loved the way the wind blew threw her sheer blue curtains. Octavia would sit on the sofa with a fat blunt and a glass of her favorite wine. Sometimes she would even sit on the floor gazing out her window, listening to old school rap through her headphones. When she had time on some Sunday mornings, she would take her breakfast, a glass of mimosa and her black book and sit on her balcony just to enjoy the sounds of morning traffic as she thought about her next club promotion. There was no formal dining area and Octavia rarely spent time in the kitchen. But it was big enough for a breakfast nook to seat two and the usual quick meal preparedness; it wasn’t a kitchen for entertaining. Octavia did not need a big kitchen since none of her male friends ever stayed long enough for her to use it. But she did make sure the right impression came across with the other rooms. The hallway entrance décor blended with the décor of front living area, Octavia’s bedroom was on one side and the bathroom on the opposite. Octavia made sure her bedroom was comfortable; she had a Queen Size sleigh bed and several colored plush pillows on top of her walnut duvet cover. There was one picture window with walnut colored curtains matching the duvet. Hanging on the walls were pieces of Egyptian art. Hanging over her bed was a giant hand carved Ankh. Octavia admired eccentric art, especially Egyptian art. There was something in every piece she could easily identify with. She felt at peace with each facial expression on her wall. Even her carpet in her bedroom had an odd design that would make one wonder how her mind stayed calm. However, it reflected her different moods and in some way it also inspired her. The apartment is nice, each room reflects her personal style, but deep down inside Octavia wished that one room was bigger, the bathroom. She did not trip about it; she knew it would come once she opened up her own club. It was the only place where she felt she could mentally and physically escape her past and the one place where she felt she could become emotionally and spiritually renewed. She grew up in Los Angeles, and as the only child she was never close to her parents. New York became her home after she ran away vowing never to look back and only speaking to her parents on holidays.
Octavia loved seclusion. It was one trait she developed from being the only child and becoming a runaway at seventeen. Octavia always had men tell her she was “beautiful”. Although, she never thought she was beautiful. She felt that if the outside was a reflection of the inside, then people must be blind. She didn’t see what they saw. With her slim five-ten build, she adorned herself with Egyptian tattoos and her body piercings from her ears to her nipple and the piercing on her belly button. In her mind she thought that this would make her feel as beautiful as people saw her. She wore dark brown shoulder length hair with a few blonde highlights. Her body was tight with rock hard abs seamless curves on the sides toward her back down to her behind. She was often teased when she was younger for not having an ass .As she developed early, she learned that there is one thing that men like more than pussy and that is breasts. What she did lack in the back, she made up for with thirty-eight DD breasts. Her rock hard abs didn’t come easy. Octavia stay focus on her routines until she was satisfied with the results. She works out every day for two-hours with heavy weights and running two miles on the treadmill. You can often find her in the gym getting her work out on. She had to stay fit and tight and it took hard work. This quality is also what makes her a damn good club promoter; she works hard at everything she does.
Octavia has one vice, she loves sex and she has often considered herself to be a sex addict. The other night she was with someone she met at the club for the first time. They went to her place and soon they were all over each other. They barely made it in her apartment and clothes were flying left right and center off. They couldn’t contain themselves the guy went down on her nice and slow making sure he licked her well. When they finally made it to the bedroom she pushed him onto her bed. Octavia grabbed his dick and thought to herself; “This is just how I like my men, “well hung.” As she went down on him he started moaning and groaning she knew he was enjoying her. Grabbing his dick and pulling it slightly back from her just enough to see him shoot his cum all over her breasts. When he was finished, he told her he had to go. This left Octavia feeling used and discarded. However, this feeling was all too familiar to her. Her sexual encounters always ended up like this. She often lied to herself by saying it didn’t bother her at all because she really enjoyed sex. There was something beside sex that gave Octavia even more pleasure and that was dancing for men and making money. At age eighteen, she started stripping and was making plenty of money and sometimes, she would even turn a trick or two for the extra cash. Stripping was another escape from her knowingly poor choices, because she believed that for twenty or thirty minutes, she was every man’s fantasy. She stripped in clubs or for parties until she turned twenty-two. It all changed one night. After a friend came up to her and asked her; “Do you want to make some real money?” “What do I have to do?” she said.
He handed her a card with an address on it. “Come to this address on Saturday and we’ll talk.” Octavia went to the address on the card and it was not to her surprise that is was a porno set. This started her career in porn. It also quenched her sexual thirst for a minute. One night, a male friend from her stripping days called and invited her to his club and told Octavia to bring some of her friends. Octavia had made many friends from dancing and making adult films. That night, at least twenty five of her friends showed up at the club. Her friend (the club owner) was quite happy with the outcome. He called her the very next day and said, “You did so well, would you like to do it again?”
“Sure.” she replied.
With a film history of making thirty to fifty porn flicks, she knew it was time for her to embark on a new adventure in her life. She always did whatever she wanted, and went wherever she wanted. She did not answer to anyone. Octavia thought she knew how to play the game by using what she had to get what she want. Octavia fucked so many guys that it took a calendar to help her remember who and when she was with them. Her girlfriend Champagne always told her, “You need to slow down girl, you don’t have a door to your bedroom, it’s like you have a revolving door. Octavia was in denial she didn’t think about the fact that she could catch any diseases she felt that she was young, fit, smart and invincible. Champagne told her constantly to be careful. Octavia and Champagne shared everything, even stories about the guys they had been with. Champagne was like a sister to Octavia. Octavia met her at a club called Show World where she once stripped. Walking into Show World was an experience. There are thirty-six dances on any given night. It is like going to a Baskin Robins with thirty-six flavors of ice cream and having to choose. The club has two floors, and the first floor have ten booths. The men would enter on one side of the booth, while the dancers waited on the outside to be chosen. There is a glass partition to keep customers from groping or touching the dancers. And a sign posted inside each booth,
“PLEASE CLEAN UP AFTER USING.” Customers could drop a quarter in the box, and the curtain would go up, and the dancer would start dancing. If customers wanted a private show, they can get one in the red room. This was a special room in the club with a red light over the door. This is the room where anything is permissible as long as it’s within an hour. Octavia was amazed at how men would spend half the day in that club. On the second floor, is a V.I.P. room it was for the headliners who would be in town for that week. It is a big room with a T-shaped stage and a pole in the middle. This room always smelled like sex, sweat, cigarettes and beer. The customers all would sit in the audience and watch the dancers. But there is absolutely no touching permitted. One night, a customer got touchy, feely with Octavia he, actually was harassing her. When Champagne saw this she went up to the guy and asked him to stop. She went to the restroom and when she returned he was still harassing Octavia. This time Champagne walked over and punched him in the face and yelled, “Touch my fucking friend again, and I’ll fuck you up!” When Octavia got off the stage, she went over to Champagne and asked, “Are you going to get in trouble for hitting him?” “I’m not worried about it.” Champagne shook her head. “When we are done let’s go get a drink.”
Champagne always had a way with words. Octavia remembers hearing Champagne on the phone with someone saying, “I will come where you at, fuck you up, check into a hotel, check out, and fuck you up again.” From that moment, Octavia knew they were going to be girlfriends. When they hung out, they talked about everything from work, guys and the size of their dicks especially if they gave great head. Octavia would say, if he ate her ass, he would be the flavor of the month. One day, she told Champagne about this guy named Rico. Octavia and
Rico went out for drinks. When she took him home, all he wanted was to eat her out, and it did not matter the position. Whether it was standing up, sitting on his face, from behind, or even turning her upside down all he wanted to do was eat that cho cha`. He wanted to make sure that he ate her well, and the very next day, she told Champagne how good he was. Octavia said, “He even wanted me to cum in his mouth.”
“Damn! He must’ve been a head doctor,” Champagne said.
Octavia laughed and then she told her about the time she had two guys at once. While on her knees one was fucking the hell out of her while she sucked the other ones’ dick. She let Champagne know that she had a good time, but she could not remember their names and that made her sad. She told Champagne how she was in New York all by herself and that she had no brothers or sisters, and no one to turn to. Octavia endured beatings from her parents, and she felt abused often asking “why me what did I do to deserve this?” She could remember a few times being happy, one of those times was when she attended church with her parents at the age of six. Octavia could not understand why she made the choices she made and thought that maybe it was because her parents were strict, or because she could never hang out with her classmates. Then, she remembered that when she was in Junior High, her math teacher Mr. Person wanted her to stay after school to help grade papers. Octavia was thrilled that Mr. Person asked her to stay.
Arithmetic was one of her favorite subjects and she looked forward to attending his class daily. Mr. Person had an oval shaped face with a beard; he wore black, rimmed glasses that made his unibrow stand out. Mr. Person taught in a classroom that had twenty-six desks, the kind of old, traditional desks that do not move and they were bolted to the ground. Octavia had sat in the fourth row in the third chair, where she could clearly see the big clock on the wall above the blackboard. Under the clock, there was a border with arithmetic problems on it. The room had three windows, and they all were cracked. The room still had an old smell as if one was studying in an old section of the one hundred year old library. Thinking back, she could not believe that she thought Mr. Person dressed cool. He wore beige Dockers with a black belt, a yellow short-sleeved shirt with tie and a pair of black, scuffed up shoes. The last bell rang, and she went to his class when no other students were in the building, except the late afternoon custodian, who was preparing to mop the floors. Octavia reached his classroom and went in, then Mr. Person ask her to lock the door, and she did so without giving it a second thought. In her mind, he was her favorite teacher and he could do no wrong. To this day she can still picture him handing her the papers that needed to be graded. He began asking her many questions, and some were very personal.
He asks her questions like, “Do you have a boyfriend, do you like boys?”
Octavia did not think anything of it. She just thought he was being nice and nosey.
To this day, she still can remember the last question he asked her;
“Do you like older men?” Octavia was shocked that he asked her that but this is her favorite teacher so she paid it no attention.
“I don’t know, I never met an older guy.”
“Really, “how old do you think I am?” Mr. Person asked smiling. Octavia looked at him up and down and without a second thought she answered “Forty-five.”
Not getting offended Mr. Person chuckled and said, “No, I’m forty.”
Octavia vividly recalls the next thing he did. He moved closer to her so he could start massaging her shoulders. She smacks his hand away.
Then, in a creepy sleazy voice he said, “I can take care of you.” “If you let me.”
Octavia wanted to leave, but the door was locked. And he got up to block it, and then he grabbed her saying and, “Don’t scream I’ll be gentle.”
He made her unzip his pants, and pull out his dick. He put his hand up her plaid skirt, and ripped off her white cotton panties. Grabbing her by her blue sweater, he forced her to the floor. The teacher that she adored and admired forced himself into her.
There was nothing she could do, she thought, he’s was too heavy and big. She just laid there.
When he was finished he said, “If you tell anyone, no one will believe you, because I’m on the school board.”
Octavia wanted to tell her parents but she was afraid. She thought they would blame her and beat her for staying after school. Never telling anyone, she started acting out by sleeping with boys at sixteen, and cutting school. She hung out with a bad crowd, started fighting and getting into all kinds of trouble. This all happened to her before she turned seventeen, now she’s twenty-six. Octavia now realize that she is still haunted by that day.
This is the first night in two weeks that she has not brought anyone home. She has not been feeling well. She thought she had the flu, with a dry cough, and no appetite for the past couple of weeks. Knowing that she is promiscuous, she decided to get tested. She’s also started preparing herself mentally for the results. She turned on the shower and went back in to the bedroom to take off those smelly clothes. Loud music is what Octavia needed to prepare for the day, so she turned up the stereo as loud as she could. It was cool with the landlord, since no one lives above or below her. In her bedroom, she went into the closet and pulled out a Victoria’s Secret bag and took out a black lace bra and panty, she loves sexy lingerie. Octavia tied her hair up in a bun, stepped in the hot shower, washed quickly, got out, and wiped the fog off the mirror. Glancing at the clock on the wall, she realized the clinic will open in thirty minutes. Running into the bedroom and putting on her underwear then she threw on her sweat suit. She made a point to turn everything off before leaving.
Claire was unhappily married. Trying to do everything and anything to make her marriage work made her extremely unhappy.
She knew when she said, “I will,” it did not mean she would have a perfect day all the time. Claire tried to be sexually open, and when her husband’s friends came over for POKING night she would go out. Claire tried to ignore the nasty rumors about her husband, like the rumor of him being on the down low or DL as most people call it. But it was hard to ignore when incidents keep coming at one point up, things got really bad one day while she was in the checkout line in the super market, she saw one of those gossip magazines. Written in the headlines was, “When Gay Swirling goes wrong” and a picture of him arguing with a known gay actor is on the front page. That made her think of another time when they were walking down the red carpet at one of his movie premieres. There were four guys standing on the other side of the rope and one of them asked Brett in an overly excited voice, “Heeey, can I take a picture with you?” Brett looked him up and down, the way a woman would when she knows a man is flirting with her. Claire ignored what she saw and tried to enjoy the rest of her evening. Every time Claire confronted him, he avoided the issue. The next day he would always come home showering her with gifts. Yet, he never really answered any of her questions. This is why she decided to get tested. There were no changes in her health, her appetite was good, and she slept well. The only thing that bothered Claire was if the test came back positive, then what would she do, it’s not like she could tell her family. Claire waited for her husband to leave for his photo shoot. Then, she went upstairs and got dressed. She made sure she did not wear anything flashy, because she did not want to draw attention to herself. She wanted to leave before the housekeeper came, because this would eliminate the need to answer any questions. There were no everyday clothes in her closet, but she managed to find something in his closet; a pair of gray sweatpants, a blue t-shirt, a Yankees cap, and dark sunglasses would help to conceal her identity. If she was to drive her car it would raise suspicion. Especially, since Claire was always driven everywhere. Marie, the housekeeper who has been with them for six years would know something was wrong if her car was gone. Claire left Marie a note on the kitchen counter stating, “Going to meet up with the girls be back before dinner.” Since Claire could not take her car or be driven to the clinic, she would have to take the M sixty bus to the D train and walk three blocks to the clinic, but she did not care how many buses or trains she had to take to get there, as long as no one recognized her.
Morning Visit
This was the first morning Kennedy did not feel sick, just nervous. When she got to the clinic, Octavia was walking in behind her. With both their arms crossed, they walked in behind each other, took a number and sat down. Octavia had counted the number of people before them, and there were only five in the waiting area and one of them was Claire. The seats were dark green, but you can still see filth on them. But all three women managed to ignore rating the clinic on its appearance. Sitting without talking, Kennedy sat on the left, Octavia sat on the right, and Claire sat on the other side. They couldn’t help but notice that there was a cold, sterile feeling in the air. The waiting room walls were mint green cinder blocks, just like you see in the projects. There is an old non-digital television on the wall with a sign written in big bold letters:
Please do not touch or turn the channels, thank you management.
On the desk were outdated magazines next to a clear candy dish filled with free condoms for both males and females. Kennedy, Octavia, and Claire sat trying not to stare at each other and trying to guess if they were sitting next to someone who was positive. All three women noticed that there was an attractive nurse in white scrubs and they knew she was from the Islands. With thick, black hair, penciled in eyebrows, and a strong Island accent, she came and started calling numbers. For a brief moment, each of them laughed to themselves after thinking the same thing about the nurse, “what’s with the blue eyeliner?” Octavia was number five, Claire number six, and Kennedy number seven. The nurse was only up to number three.
Kennedy became more nervous as time crept by and she kept going to the restroom praying that the test would come back negative. Kennedy knew she had not been with anybody in four years. After the accident, work consumed all her time and she was trying harder than ever to make partner before she was forty. In Her mind, she kept thinking how hard she’d worked to only have it all go down the drain with a death sentence and it made her scared. She made up her mind that no matter what the results were her life would never be the same after today. Octavia sat there thinking how her dream, of owning her own club may not come true. Regretting not using condoms with any of the guys she’d been with. Octavia sat there praying, which was something she had not done since she was a little girl. In her mind she prayed, asking
“God, please let my test results be negative, and I will do whatever you ask of me”. Here I am praying again. I remember the last time I prayed, it was when I was raped, and I prayed for him to just die. “If I make it through this, no more one night stands, I swear.” Octavia was doubtful; it was a little too late to call on God. With all the things she did in her life, it came down to this moment of truth, and that it is why she sat there motionless until her number was called.
Claire knew she had been with the same man for seven years. Claire was a virgin when she met her husband Brett. She knew she was negative without any doubt, but sitting there, she reminisced on when she was first introduced to Brett. A friend of a friend introduced them. The friend was gay. People use to say that Brett was on the DL even back then. In the beginning, they made love constantly, everywhere, anytime and those were happier days. Claire recalls her first time with Brett.
One evening, they came back from dinner, and he invited her over for drinks. They both lived off campus. He took her to his place and when he turned on the lights in his apartment, it appeared to be decorated by a woman. At that moment in deep thought, Claire had said to herself, “A place for everything and everything in its place.” During the evening, she went to use his bathroom, and noticed that he had potpourri in a bowl, on a small wicker shelf. On the floor by the toilet were sports magazines and on the bottom she swore she caught a glimpse of one named “David”. Claire did not pay any attention to those magazines, she thought it was for casual reading, and she wanted to be with him so badly. They were in his bedroom kissing, and since she was a virgin, her heart was beating fast feeling as if it were going to explode out of her chest. Brett rubbed her back and gently laid her down, and slowly unbuttoned her blouse. He removed her bra and began to suck, and lick her breast; with his right hands he took off her pants. After looking at her curvaceous body, he removed her thongs and gently began to stroke her pretty kitty kat. Brett could see that it was cleanly shaved and smooth and that turned him on. As he placed his hand on top of her kitty kat he went to spread her lips noticing it was reddish, pink and very wet. As he went down on her, Claire came so fast from these new feelings. As he licked her from the bottom of her split to the top of her head, she felt the hardness of his dick pressing against her leg. She whispers in his ear. “Make love to me.” He did and he did it well. Claire did not know what was happening to her body; it shook uncontrollably she caught a cramp in her leg. Claire had read about feeling like this in one of her trashy novels, but to experience it was a whole different story. She realized she just had her first orgasm. This was the first and last time they made love. Things are so different now it has gotten to the point where Claire hated his touch.
“Four,” the nurse called. When Claire heard the number, it brought her back to this cold sterile place. Sitting there, she continued to think about the rumors that she heard about him, and now, she finds herself wondering if they were all true.
“Has her relationship with Brett been a lie”? “Was he unfaithful?” “Has he been with men?" These questions were running through her mind as she sat there waiting for her number to be called. Claire thought about everything, but here come the nurse again, and this time Octavia knew she was fifth.
“Five,” the nurse said. Octavia got up from her seat and followed the nurse to the back. With a straight face only Kennedy and Claire knew how she was feeling.
“Have a seat.” The nurse said with her deep island accent.
“Open your mouth this won’t hurt.” Sticking a swab inside of her mouth, the nurse rubbed it against both sides of Octavia’s jaws. The nurse informed her that it would take around fifteen minutes for the results and Octavia could wait in the next room. When the nurse called the next number, it was Claire’s turn, Claire followed her into the room and the nurse did the same procedure. Claire waited in the same room with Octavia. While they were waiting, Kennedy knew she was next, and she was afraid. Nothing was different, the nurse followed the same standard procedure and when finished, she escorted Kennedy to the waiting room with the others. The waiting room felt big, lonely, and empty. The three of them waited for fifteen minutes. It was a longest fifteen minutes in their lives. It felt like an eternity. For them, the fifteen minutes felt like five hours. They all were thinking of things they could do within fifteen minutes instead of waiting. Then, as if in sync, they each looked toward the door and the nurse was standing there with no facial expression. An expressionless face is how she appeared, and they could not tell if she was getting ready to deliver good or bad news, they just could not read her.
“Five,” the nurse called. Octavia followed her into an office where there were no windows. The nurse sat on a hardback chair with two arms it had a pillow on it. Octavia sat on a very uncomfortable chair. It reminded her of being in the principal’s office. There were piles of folders, clipboards, and a lamp on the desk. An Old gray file cabinet with four drawers was in one corner and on the walls were posters of HIV medication, and babies with HIV A couple of them had, straight and gay partners written on the bottom of them was the words: Get Tested, Use Condoms. With a calm, straightforward voice, the nurse said, “I’m sorry but your test came back positive.” Octavia was stunned and disappointed.
But not surprised she knew the tests results could come back positive. The nurse saw a look of shock in her eyes. “Just sit here and get yourself together,” the nurse said. Right then, Octavia went through the common five stages of grief: stage one denial-she did not believe it; stage two anger-she thought about all the things she may never accomplish; stage three bargaining with God-God, if you take this away, I will give my life to you; stage four depression-that is how she felt, and stage five acceptance, it came when she said, she could not blame anyone, but herself.
The nurse appeared in the role of grim reaper of Black Death knowing that she had to tell two more women they were positive. “Number six,” she said as she returned to the waiting room. Claire stood up and followed the nurse into another room. This room had two chairs and nothing on the walls; it was just a plain, white room. Once again, the nurse delivered bad news.
“Ma’am, I am sorry, to tell you, but your test came back positive.” “This can’t be true, I’m married,” Claire said in a strong voice as she sat there shaking her head. Trying to hold the tears back, Claire’s eyes filled with water.
“Sit here, I will be back.”
As she was leaving the office, she heard Claire crying. Taking a deep breath, the nurse went back to the waiting area to call the next number. “Seven.”
“That would be me.” Kennedy stated in soft tone. Kennedy walked slowly following the nurse to the back of the clinic, and she was taken into another room that felt like she was in a holding cell. She could hear crying coming through the walls.
“Have a seat please.” Kennedy gritted her teeth. For Kennedy, time seemed to stop when the nurse began speaking those words.
“I regret to inform you that your test came back positive for the HIV virus.” When she spoke those words, a chill went up Kennedy’s spine. Kennedy did not cry; she was too mad, too angry. She felt like she was given a death sentence.
“Are you okay?” the nurse asked.
Kennedy did not reply she just sat in deep thought trying to process what was just told to her. After what she just heard, she only wanted to get out of there.
Kennedy said, “I need a stiff drink.”
Last Call
“I understand.” The nurse said.
When Kennedy left, she did not hear any more crying from the rooms. And she assumed that if anyone received any of the news she received, they would not want to stick around either.
Kennedy left the clinic and started walking down the street until she saw a bar with its name in flashing, red, neon lights, Last Call.
“What a fitting name, that’s how I’m feeling about my life.” Kennedy went inside the dimly lit bar filled with smoke and heard the jukebox playing, Strokin’, a song by Clarence Carter. There were two people sitting at the bar. One person, a short, balding man with a potbelly sat next to a tall, blonde who had a bad perm. This woman wore a skirt where the length did not go pass the mid-section of her thighs and left nothing to the imagination. There was a flat screen on the wall with the volume turned down showing one of those bad reality shows. A waiter came from the back and dropped the tray of glasses. A man and woman sitting at the back of the bar making out. Kennedy heard the woman giggle as the man put his hand under her skirt. After checking the place out, Kennedy took a table in the back and away from that couple until she noticed sitting in another corner was one of the ladies from the clinic. Kennedy walked over and asked, “Were you just at the clinic?” “Yes.” replied Octavia.
“Hi, I am Kennedy Francis.”
“I’m Octavia Lawrence.”
The door flung open and Claire walked in. With the sunlight being very bright, it was hard to see how sleazy the bar is when sitting in the dark. Kennedy and Octavia waived for her to come over and they each introduced themselves inviting her to sit and talk.
Claire began to speak in a soft, unexcited grim voice. “Thank you, it’s nice to meet you, my name is Claire Howard. What a morning, I can really use a drink after what I just found out.” They sat at the table and the waiter came over to take their order, and they looked at him with disgust in their eyes.
The waiter said, “What can I get you ladies?” “Long Island iced tea.” Octavia blurted out. “Sex on the Beach.” Claire growled.
“A Dirty Martini .” Kennedy glared with content.
“I’ll get that for you,” the waiter stated and after taking their order he walked away. Each woman began to talk about everything and each one had a story to tell.
Octavia said. “I don’t want to think about anything, especially the news I just got, or men.” “I’m just trying to get my drink on”. “Men are such dogs.”
Claire jumped in by saying, “How do you think I feel? I’m married. I just want to go home and kill my husband.”
“You don’t want to do that.” Kennedy said.
“Why not? He did not care about my life.” Claire questioned.
“It’s messy and besides you’ll end up in jail with nothing, trust me
I’m a lawyer, divorce him and get everything.” Kennedy gave her subtle advice.
“That’s not going to be easy,” said Claire. “Why do you say that?” Kennedy asked.
Octavia then chimed in by asking, “Who is your husband?”
“I can’t say. You may know him, or have seen his movies.” Claire twirled the ends of her hair.“Just tell us one movie he’s been in,” Octavia’s voice sounded assured in knowing she would figure it out, so Claire proceeded to tell them about an action flick Brett did two years ago. Kennedy and Octavia immediately started laughing before Claire could finish her sentence. Claire got real defensive, “What’s the joke, this is my life?”
“We know who he is.” Octavia and Kennedy both said one after the other.
“So you see why it will be difficult to divorce him.” “So when you are ready I will help you.”
“You promise you will help?” “I promise.”
Right before Octavia started to tell her story the waiter came back with their drinks.
“Can I get you ladies anything else?” he said with a grimace. “No!!” they answered together in a bitchy tone. After the waiter brought their drinks, Octavia started sharing a story about Claire’s husband.
“About three months ago, I was promoting this new club down in the village. You know the one “Tracks”, the ‘happy’ club. I’m sorry, but your husband walked in with this guy. He’s known for being a booty bandit and they weren’t going there for the music, if you know what mean.” “Octavia, you could’ve found a better way of telling her.” Kennedy said.
“She knew. How can she not know?” Octavia stated. Both Kennedy and Octavia turned to look at Claire.
“It’s okay”
“Okay, maybe I did know deep down inside, but you have to understand, when you live a life of having everything you want and desire, you become blind to things”.
“You have to understand.” Claire said softly trembling and trying not to cry. “I came from not have anything to having it all.” “I met Brett in college, and we fell in love I thought.” Shortly after that he got his first movie role. I decided to drop out of college to marry him. It’s been a world wind ever since. Eating at the finest restaurants, being on everyone’s ‘A’ list.” Octavia and Kennedy sat still with their eyes focused on Claire as she continued. “My father divorced my mother when I was eighteen. I have one sister who lives in Georgia and she is thirty eight and I feel like she gets everything. “I always felt my parents loved her more.”
“Wait, you have a sister? I would’ve thought you were the only child,” said Octavia. Kennedy looked through Octavia as if to let her know that the timing of her statement was way off.
Claire went on to tell the rest of her story. “Everybody always thought my sister was cute because of her round face, deep dimples, and long, black, straight hair.” People always looked passed her glasses and braces. I was the only one that knew she was self-conscious when she developed breasts at age of twelve and she was always too short to be picked for any games. She could do no wrong in my parents’ eyes. My parents allowed her to hang out late with her friends. But on the other hand, I had a curfew”.
“Claire, what’s your sister name?” asked Kennedy.
“Joy.” Claire said. “Do you know why they named her that? I overheard my mother tell my father lets name the baby “Joy”. They were hoping that by having a baby it would bring some joy back into their marriage. Instead, my parents continued to fight, it got to the point where they couldn’t stand being together so they got divorced. “Do you know how that made me feel?”
“No, how?” Kennedy and Octavia questioned.
“I’ll tell you, angry and sad”. Claire through her sniffles .When I heard that, I knew then, it was always going to be about Joy. So, as soon as I finished High School I went off to college. That’s where I met Brett; he was trying to break into the acting. We didn’t have much to live on, but it was okay. He landed his first movie role and that’s when things changed, he changed. I don’t know why, but he did. You got me thinking.
I guess looking back there were lots of signs.” Octavia said, “Like what?”
Claire ran a few off, “He would always go out with the guys, camping, fishing I thought it was strange that he would never come back with any fish”. There was one guy who was always around; Brett would call him his “little brother.” I laugh now because that was a sign. Brett had to go out of town for commercials and he never once took me.” “Not one time?” Octavia asked with her eyebrows raised. Claire lips got tight as she said “Do you want to hear the kicker?”
“One day, I was getting clothes ready for the housekeeper, Marie to take them to the cleaners. As I was emptying out his pockets, I found a matchbook with the name The Jungle.” said Claire. “And you know what, club that is?” As tears formed in her eyes.
“YES, I’m a club promoter, I promoted that club before.”
“What did you do?” Kennedy asks while Octavia sat there with bulging eyes.
“I confronted him, as always he avoided it. The next day he came home with flowers and a diamond tennis bracelet. When he stopped making love to me, I thought he had stuff on his mind with the movie offers slowing down and all. When we did have sex, it felt like he was fucking me, it was always rough. Brett wanted to have anal sex, which is okay once in a while, but every time? “I guess now looking back, that definitely was another sign. I tell you, I really feel stupid.”
Octavia and Kennedy together said, “Claire, don’t beat yourself up, you didn’t know.”
Kennedy then mentioned, “Since we are talking about our lives, let me tell you about mine. Well, my mother and father are still together and have been together forty-five years, and I have never seen them fight or argue. As a matter fact, they sleep with the bedroom door open. I don’t know how they do it but they do. I’m the only child, and I have never wanted for anything. My mom and dad always had food on the table. They made sure that I had nice clothes. They treated me like I was a princess. “Yes you can say I am spoiled”. I went to H.P. high school, where I was on the debate team. That’s where I got my taste for being a lawyer. There was something about debating that I really enjoyed .I received a scholarship for college, I decided to attend Stevenson law school where I graduated in the top five percent of my class. After graduating, I received a job offer working with a top law firm. Then, three years ago I was leaving work one evening and a car ran a red light and hit me. Due to the amount of blood that I lost the doctors had to give me a blood transfusion. “I strongly believe this is how I got it.”
“How do you know it wasn’t from a man?” Claire inquired.
“I haven’t been with anyone in four years; the last person I was with is my ex, Ben.”
Kennedy replied.
“If that’s the case, then what made you decide to get tested?” Claire asked.
“I have been feeling fatigued. Sometimes I would have these awful night sweats. I noticed I was losing weight and my appetite would come and go, this wasn’t normal for me”. I decided to go online and do some research on why I felt this way. I found this medical website and according to it; I had all the symptoms. I did some more research and I found a clinic that assured confidentiality, and you are known by a number. That’s why I went to that particular clinic. I could not think about making partner until I found out about my status first. The waiter returned to see if they needed anything else. “Would you ladies like anything else?” “No, thank you,” Kennedy said politely.
When the waiter rushed back to the bar, he asked the bartender
“What did you put in those drinks?” “Just the usual, why?” he replied.
“Because whatever you put in those drinks, man it's working.” The bartender replied, “Why do you say that?”
“Well, when I first went over to get their order they tried to bite my head off,” said the waiter. The bartender responded, “Maybe it’s their time of the month”.
“Maybe, you’re right.” The Waiter added.
Kennedy had all these feelings stirring up inside her. In the back of
Kennedy’s mind she was frustrated. “Hey listen.”
Claire and Octavia heard the hurt in her voice. Kennedy kept telling them about all the nights she stayed up late and did whatever the firm asked. “I even tried to be one of the boys. I went to those stupid parties and laughed at their stupid jokes.” All Kennedy thought of was the time she spent trying to become partner.
“What’s the use? It’s not going to happen now.” Kennedy sighed. “No, don’t think like that, you can make partner. You think I’m going to give up? Well I’M NOT! What about you Claire?” Octavia said with an encouraging tone.
“I was in school for fashion and thought about starting my own line until I met Brett and dropped out. As much as I know about fashion I should’ve stayed in school. I was really good. Now, all I have is what my husband gave me, which is nothing unless you want to count this.” Claire starts crying again, so Kennedy tries to comfort her. “Don’t cry Claire.” Octavia said in a reassuring voice.
“It’s going to be okay, my life is no picnic. I left LA when I was seventeen. I never went to college, and I started stripping, making porno movies. I’ve made some money I have been saving every penny to open a club of my own some day. That’s my dream. Do you really think I want to keep promoting somebody else’s club and making them money?” Octavia said in a positive voice. Kennedy and Claire sat there listening to this young woman talking about her big dreams. “You are not gonna tell me I’m not going to make it. You have to believe in yourself even if no one else does. What do you have to say about what I just said Claire?”