Zeke and Lily:
Her Diary
Zorro Daddy
Copyright 2011 Zorro Daddy
Published by Zorro Daddy at Smashwords
There are always:
Dreams to be Dreamt,
Fairy Tales to be Told,
“Happily Ever Afters”
to be Pursued,
Memories to be Made,
that Perfect Story
to be Written,
that Deepest Love Yet
to be Discovered,
and the Opportunity
- Awaiting to Feel It All.
Zeke and Lily:
Her Diary
Chapters by Title:
Entry One - September 1st
Entry Two - September 5th
Entry Three - September 12th
Entry Four - September 13th
Entry Five - September 20th
Entry Six - September 27th
Entry Seven - October 1st
Entry Eight - October 16th
Entry Nine - October 29th
Entry Ten - October 30th
Dear Diary,
My name is Lily Paddington and I’m a dream catcher. I look for the rainbow after a thunderstorm, seeing the flowers grow from the rain as a reassurance that everything happens for a reason. At this point in my life, it is very important I remember this.
I used to work for a newspaper here in Lancaster, PA, but now I can’t. I’ve been diagnosed with Hodgkin’s Disease. The treatments I have endured and the medicine I take leaves me weak. Every step of the way, there has been a very special someone who has helped me through this difficult time. He is my fiancée and my “Daddy”, and he takes care of me.
He tells me it’s not healthy to keep my emotions inside, and says that venting is good or maybe writing down how I feel, good or bad. So I decided to start keeping a diary. But I’m not going to write about my illness. Instead, I am going to write about the things in my life that are going well.
I am so lucky to be surrounded with such love and support that keeps me smiling when I probably would have cried and makes me happy when I’m feeling depressed.
These are my words and my thoughts.
Love,
Lily Paddington
Entry One - September 1st
Dear Diary,
Hello again! It’s me, Lily. I don’t know where to begin.
Hmm. Well, let’s see. Almost two months have passed since Zeke and I got back from the Bahamas. I don’t remember when we actually got back because I was unconscious and in a coma. I had been feeling sick for a couple of days on vacation and then I collapsed one night as we walked on the beach. The next thing I remember I woke up in a hospital back here in Lancaster, PA. I spent a few days there and was released into Zeke’s care.
Since then, I have been in and out of that hospital too many times. Zeke spent every moment that he could with me at the hospital, even sleeping in an uncomfortable chair next to my bed, night after night. Every time I was released, he brought me back to his apartment. Not too long ago, he asked me to move in. So I guess it’s our apartment now. This most recent return home from the hospital had an added surprise waiting for me. I walked into our apartment to find that he had moved all of my stuff in. Bye bye Lime Street Apartment!
I decorate the place when I find the strength. Zeke has been very good about allowing me to set things up as I want without complaining. I think his mother did a very good job of raising him. (Shh! Don’t tell him I said that!) But I gave him some input privileges, like in my nursery.
OMG! I’m sorry! I totally forgot to tell you about our little secret! Zeke is my “Daddy” and I am his BabyGirl. He takes care of me as if I were a baby. He dresses me in all sorts of babyish clothing. Sometimes it’s just a little baby-t. Sometimes it’s a nightie, or maybe a onesie, but I dress in big girl clothes when we leave the apartment.
He almost always speaks to me like I’m a baby and he makes me feel so “little” with his words. His voice is always soft and his tone is always calm. He never gets angry. He never yells and always treats me very well.
He took the guest room and transformed it into a nursery for me. Ohhh. Let me tell you about this nursery.
It is heavily decorated in pink, which I have no problem with. There is a toy chest in one corner of the room with every toy I used to play with as a little girl. From My Little Pony to Rainbow Brite to Cabbage Patch Dolls to Care Bears to every girl’s favorite - Barbie and She-ra, the Princess of Power action figure. He went out and bought them all for me!
I wish I could’ve gone along on that trip so I could’ve seen him standing in line holding a bunch of little girl’s toys in his hands. :0
On all the walls are butterfly stickers in bright colors. They always make me think of the first day I met him. The topic of butterflies kept coming up in our discussions. I was really nervous about meeting him for the first time, and I told him I had “butterflies” I had in my tummy. I also love clothing with butterflies on them.
There’s even a crib! It’s white and loaded with teddy bears and the pink crib sheets have Disney Princess prints on them! Every day after lunch, he makes me take a nap in that crib. Sleeping in a crib is one of the most relaxing things I have ever done. It’s so comfortable and everything is so soft, I love it. And when he puts me in it and tells me it is nap time, I feel like a little baby.
I don’t know where to begin to tell you how much I crave feeling like a baby. It’s near the heart of our relationship to one another, right next to an honest, unyielding love I have for him. I am able to look at him with two sets of eyes. One set belongs to a girl who has fallen head over heels for a boy. The other set belongs to a little girl who sees him as the Daddy she should’ve had since her birth.
The changing table in my nursery is right next to the crib. I find myself lying on that table quite often, looking up at him with the eyes of a little girl, dependent on him for life.
Next to the changing table is a closet with the cutest outfits that give me the “baby” feeling when I wear them. I still have my big girl clothing … somewhere, I think. But I only ever wear them some times when we go out.
There is a book shelf in the corner that Zeke built himself. It has every possible book on it I could want, from my cheesy adult romance novels to Dr. Seuss to Sesame Street. Oh! Not to be forgotten are my endless collection of coloring books and a really big basket of crayons. I will sit on the Disney rug in the middle of the room and color or I’ll color on the living room rug, but I’ve learned to put the crayons and coloring books away. It drives Zeke crazy when I leave them laying all over the place.
The ceiling lights up with glow-in-the-dark stars, aligned as they appeared in the summer sky. Astronomy is a hobby of mine. Well not really a hobby. I just like to look up at the stars and make picture out of them. But Zeke will close the curtains and turn off the lights when it’s nap time. The ceiling stars light up and with the glow of a nightlight in the wall, I lay there and make pictures out of them.
A painting on the wall of a baby girl, lying on a Lily leaf, surrounded by a beautiful forest is what I turn my attention to next before I fall asleep.
I remember when he first showed me that nursery. I was so touched by it all I could do was cry. The first night I slept in this apartment I remember thinking to myself and wondering when he was going to ask her to marry him so I could live like this every day.
Well, he didn’t ask me to marry him on that night. And he didn’t ask me to marry him when we were in the Bahamas. He waited until he brought me home from the hospital. I felt horrible at that moment, not because he proposed to me, but because he and my father met one another in the hospital and had a fight. I was also feeling weak and I was worried about what the future might hold with treating my disease. Needless to say, I wasn’t having happy thoughts that day until he asked me to marry him.
The Daddy and BabyGirl thing has been a journey for me. I know I’m submissive, but I have always wanted the kindest, gentlest Daddy to be in control of me, and you really don’t find a lot of guys like that. They may say it, but they really don’t mean it or they really don’t know what “Kind” and “Gentle” means. Even fewer would take the time to find out exactly what I’m looking for.
Zeke isn’t perfect, but he has perfect intentions with me, and I can see those intentions in his heart, within his actions and in the sound of his words. It hasn’t been hard to listen to him. (I might even go so far as to say that it hasn’t been hard to “obey” him, but when I say that it sounds ugly.) He isn’t power hungry. He simply has a dominant nature to him, and he makes me feel very “little” because he is in charge. It’s never harsh, but it still affects me in a way I’ve never felt before.
That is what I love the most.
He also makes me wear a diaper all the time which makes me feel even more “little”. Well I guess I shouldn’t say that he “makes” me wear it because I want to wear diapers just as much as he wants me to. And I guess I shouldn’t say that a diaper “makes” me feel “little”. I don’t really need diapers to feel like his BabyGirl, but it does add to a role which is becoming my natural personality, more and more, every day.
There are moments that Zeke calls “bonding moments”. Some have to do with how he takes care of me, like how he bathes me, by hand, every day in the bath tub. Or how he compassionately deals with my depression. Or how he spoon feeds me a meal when I’m feeling too weak to do it myself. Or how he holds me when I’m feeling sad. Or how he listens to me when I just need to talk about how I’m feeling (and this one takes a lot out of him. Let’s face it: he’s a typical guy who can only talk about emotions for so long and I’m a typical girl who can talk about matters of the heart for hours without growing weary of the topic.)
But a lot of the “bonding moments” center around my diaper. (Giggles) As silly as that sounds, it’s true. When I feel his hand on my bottom as he checks my diaper, I begin to feel little.
When I am lying on the changing table in my nursery or on the living room rug or on the couch or wherever he decides, and he changes my diaper, you better believe there is some bonding going on. I “need” him, at that moment, to make me feel secure, to make me feel safe and to tell me he will take care of me. I guess he could tell me that any time and comfort me any time, and he certainly does, but when I am lying in front of him – naked, vulnerable and helpless, I am in dire need of attention to my heart and my mind. He gives me that attention and I grow more and more attached to him because of it. What “bonds” are our hearts.
Having the toys and the clothing and the nursery help me to feel like his BabyGirl, but wearing that diaper reminds me that I am his responsibility and I then know that I am the most important thing to him in the whole world.
Even more important than his Kansas City Chiefs making it to the World Series, but uhh … football. That’s a complete entry in itself. I’ll save it for another time.
Zeke just told me he is preparing my bath water and that I have to finish up what I’m writing. So let me end by saying this, then it’s off to a bath and then bed for me:
I never forget to tell him I love him and I never forget to say thank you. But more importantly to me, I never forget to mean it when I say those things. It’s so easy to become selfish, especially when he caters to me all the time. I could take him for granted and lose him. I might not even realize that I’m taking him for granted. But just like everyone else, Zeke only has one heart and its big, but when his heart becomes broken or when I believe I will always get what I want, that’s the moment this fairy tale might end for good.
I don’t ever want to find out if that’s the case. I love him too much to risk losing him to my thoughtlessness. So I’ll never take him for granted.
Nite Nite!
Lily
Entry Two - September 5th
Dear Diary,
I had a rough time sleeping last night. Sometimes I can’t find a comfortable position to lie in. Even with Zeke next to me, the bed just isn’t as comfortable as I need it to be. I tossed a lot and I think I might have elbowed Zeke in the groin. (Oops!) I eventually did get to sleep, but it wasn’t easy. When your body aches in different places at different times, it’s tough. When I don’t get enough sleep, I get into a bad mood and nothing can cheer me up.
Well … almost nothing. :0
From the moment I woke up this morning and I had a smile on my mind. You see, today was Saturday. Zeke had nowhere to be and I intended to keep it that way.
The sun had come up and was coming in through the window. I could feel it shining on me, making it just a little warmer in the room, which I never have a problem with.
I opened my eyes and looked over at Zeke. He was laying there awake and was staring back at me. It scared me to see his eyes open and I shrieked, then broke out into laughter. I turned on my side to face him and rested my head on the pillow. He reached over and stroked the hair out of my eyes. My ponytail had all but fallen out last night, which can get annoying when it happens. You’re trying to sleep and all the sudden you breathe your hair into your mouth, but Zeke tells me it looks beautiful when my hair gets tousled like that.
He traced my eyebrows with his thumb and ran his fingers down my face. I love it when he takes the time to remember the littlest things about me.
After the night I just had, I definitely needed this kind of attention. In fact, I could’ve used an entire day of this. And that’s what I got …..
Most every morning, he will wake me up and give me the morning “check”, and then change me right there in bed. On this day, I hadn’t wet myself so he just carried me out to the living room. When I wake up I feel strong. My strength lessens as the day goes, but I don’t ever let him know that. And if he’s going to carry me around, I’m not going to tell him. I simply wrap my arms around his neck, my legs around his waist and enjoy the ride. ;0
He walked into the kitchen and mixed up my morning bottle with one hand while holding me with his other hand. He sat on the couch, curled me up in his lap, leaned me back into his arms and touched the nipple of the bottle to my lips. I took it into my mouth and began to drink from it. I never know what drink he puts in it. It’s always a wonderful surprise. Although, today I knew what it was because I saw him making it.
He held me in his arms and never took his eyes off of mine. I rest my head on his chest and touch his face with my fingertips. This is always one of those “bonding moments” I was talking about. When I’m in his arms, I’m in heaven. I hear his heart beating. I feel the heat of his body. It’s closeness that’s really close.
Those are the thoughts racing through my mind a lot, mixed in with the joy of having a Daddy. I’m lying in his arms drinking from a bottle and falling in love with him. It’s a BabyGirl’s dream. Well … it’s my dream at least. One of many.
By the end of that bottle, I was prepared to be a baby all day. He could see it in my eyes and I think that’s why he made the whole day “little” for me. After a bottle, he sits me up, embraces me and rocks me gently until I burp. I try to be a girl about it, but sometimes they are loud.
Next it was bath time. Zeke left me curled up on the couch as he went into the bathroom. I heard the water running as I curled up in the fetal position. He crossed from the bathroom to the nursery and back, getting an outfit ready for me to change into after the bath.
Then he came back out to me with a warm smile on his face. He extended his arms out to me to pick me up, and I knew today was gonna be a “baby” day. My heart began racing with excitement. I reached up to him and he lifted me up into his arms. I wrapped myself around him and cradled my head under his chin. I played with his shirt collar with my pinky finger as he carried me into the bathroom.
The “little” feeling overwhelmed me. He slowly strolled to the bathroom, knowing what my senses were going through. He reached down and casually began unfastening my diaper. I could hardly contain myself as we entered the bathroom and I saw the bathtub full of bubbles. He sat on the toilet and sat me on his knee, removing my diaper and throwing it into the waste can.
Proudly I state that I slept in that diaper all night long and up until he took it off of me and threw it away just then, I hadn’t peed in it.
He lifted my nightie off and I sat there on his lap as the tub was finishing getting filled up with water. I was naked, I mean really naked. Head to toe. I wouldn’t have had to be in the “baby” mode to feel little at that moment.
There’s a feeling of “vulnerable” that always goes along with being naked. It makes my skin sensitive to the slightest touch. It’s almost like being tickled. I can’t even begin to give justice to the feeling with words. I crave it however, and when he draws his fingers up my back, down my legs, across my chest, I become putty in his hands. I straddled his lap. He kissed my forehead and began running his finger down my scalp and through my hair, taking the hair tie the rest of the way out.
My muscles twitched as he hoisted my body up in his arms and began to lower me into the bubbles, then the water. The warmth of the bath washed over me and I gasped lightly. He rested my head against a towel on the back of the tub he made into a little “pillow” for me.
And there I rested for a few minutes as he exited the bathroom. This was typical of a bath. He would let me lie in the water for a little while, just enjoying its warmth. There’s nothing that feels better in the morning that a warm bath. I feel the bubbles on the surface, the heat rising off the water and I hear the spout still pouring more water in. It relaxes my body and the muscles which get tense, suddenly loosen. I closed my eyes and took it all in.
He came back in a few minutes later and turned the water off. I opened my eyes and looked up at him with a smile that told him I almost fell asleep again. Then he picked up a wash cloth, dipped it in the water and began washing me. The water felt so good that I didn’t want to move my body. I simply lied there and he bathed me with a gentle touch that I had only ever felt from him. .
Our eyes never disconnected. Guys don’t know how to touch a girl like that. How does he know how to do it? How does he know the exact pressure to use with his fingers at the right places? It’s a mystery to me.
When he was done, he lifted me out of the tub, toweled my body and my hair lightly. Then he wrapped me in the towel and carried me out to the sofa. This is another enchanting moment. He won’t dress me right away. He will wrap me in a towel and place me on his lap. I will still have that effect of being naked for a little longer.
On the other end of the couch was a brush, a baby-t, and a diaper. He would dress me right there … when he was ready. I lied in his arms, waiting patiently and quietly. (Have I told you how much I love him yet?)
He placed me on my back on the floor and raised my legs and bottom in the air with one hand. I felt that cool sensation of powder on my toosh and then the softness of the diaper he lowered me back down onto. It was a different feeling of comfort from the warm bath water, but it was another sensation I yearn for as if I had never been touched before. Because honestly, I’ve never been touched like he touches me. I can’t say that enough.
The baby-t covered my top snuggly and I knew I wouldn’t be dressed in anything else. Just my diaper and my baby-t. I was at home and that was all I needed to wear. (It’s all I wanted to wear.) :0
I went from being naked and vulnerable to being diapered and helpless.
I sat up and stuck my legs straight out, looking at my toes. I wiggled them. I love that Zeke doesn’t make me wear socks. I hate socks. Maybe in the dead of winter when there’s a draft in the air, even indoors. Maybe then I might wear socks, but never any other time. I like to be barefoot. If I’ve taken the time to paint my toenails, I want people to see them. Plus I love the feel of a rug on my feet. I sometimes shuffle across a rug so I can then go up and touch his nose and shock him from the friction. He always knows what’s coming when he sees me shuffling.
Bare feet on a girl can mean other things, too. Some believe it means innocence or servitude or inferiority. I don’t go that deeply into it. I like being bare foot. It feels good….and maybe…..it adds to the “little” role as well. ;0
Breakfast was oatmeal, just a small bowl. I’ve learned that smaller, more frequent meals is what I can handle, but even then I still get sick sometimes. I love Saturday mornings, cartoons and more cartoons. I sat on the floor Indian-leg style, eating my oatmeal as he brushed out my wet hair and tied a loose ponytail. I can’t have ponytails or pigtails tightly anymore because they give me a headache.
I’m really a lot to deal with right now. Every little thing has to be prepared to my specific likings and I have to be handled with such care. I can’t imagine how I would be able to do this without him. I really can’t imagine how he has been able to deal with me, but he does it all day, every day, and never complains.
Our morning routine is usually a quiet time. I’ve learned to abandon my impulses to run around and be hyper-active. If I do that I will feel tired by the afternoon and the rest of the day will be lost, even with a nap after lunch to rest. So I’ve learned to pace myself. Someday I’ll be healthy again and I intend to make up for lost time by running all over the place until I collapse with exhaustion. Until then, I’ll play it smart.
“Quiet time” sometimes mean “snuggle time”. Today, that was the case. He fixed a sippy cup of apple juice for me and lied down on the couch. I crawled over to him and lied on top of him. He covered me with my blanket and swapped out my pacifier for the sippy cup.
I turned my eyes toward the TV and rested my head on his chest. It felt so good, as it always does, to be that close to him. I could feel the heat coming off his body. I could hear his steady heartbeat. His shirt smelled like the detergent it was washed in mixed with his scent. Every guy has his own unique scent. It’s not a stinky smell, but it’s a scent that makes you think of him, whether you find his shirt on the bedroom rug and pick it up and sniff it, or whether straight up his coat and scarf in the closet , it always makes you think of him.
I began to fall asleep on his chest. It was too comfortable to stay awake and besides, he had turned on ESPN to watch four guys who would talk about football for hours. (They’re not even playing football. They’re just talking about it! Uhh, but I’ll save that topic for another entry.)
Sleeping in a crib has an appeal to me because of everything that is in the crib: the Disney sheets, the teddy bears, the blankets, the nursery it’s in. It also makes me feel little to be in a crib. Sometimes I’ll curl myself up into a fetal position when I sleep or I’ll draw my legs up close to me.
I enjoy the crib and both of those positions, but I really want to be sleeping with Zeke. That crib and all the stuff in it are things that he bought me. Yes, they make me feel little, but so does he. The fetal and curled up positions are about closeness.
Everything centers around thoughts of him. So when I get an unscheduled chance to sleep next to him, I do it, whether I’m tired or not. I actually sleep on top of him, not next to him. I get the closeness that way. And I get him. When he shifts in his sleep, he shifts me right along with him while never losing the connection and never waking up. There’s no better way for me to drift off to sleep than that.
We only slept like that for about an hour or so. We woke up and it was obvious that I really, really needed my diaper changed. I’ll just skip through the messy details of it and say that I was embarrassed when he discovered it, but he made me comfortable, as he always does. It’s one of those instances where you can lose all sense of self-worth unless you have someone to “lift you back up”.
Lunch was fast approaching and Saturday lunch is always spaghetti. We sat on the couch and continued to watch …… football!
Who on Earth is Joe Paterno? And how old is he anyway? Zeke swears allegiance to this guy and to Penn State.
A lot of times Zeke will do the high chair thing with me for lunch, complete with bib. I’ll eat with my fingers and make a mess of myself. But he didn’t do that with me today, so I knew something was up. I twirled the spaghetti with a fork and thought and thought and suddenly realized that he was probably planning some sort of a trip in the afternoon.
I didn’t let on that I knew we were going to go somewhere. Instead, I played naïve. He always gets frustrated when I am able to predict what he is planning.
Sometimes he’ll ask me how I know and I’ll usually make up some lie like “You were talking about it in your sleep last night.” But it’s really nothing more than studying our daily routine. When you do the same thing pretty much every day (which I love btw) and then suddenly you do something different one day, there’s bound to be an explanation for it.
Ah yes, a girl’s intuition wins again! Ha Ha.
We finished lunch and Zeke brought out an outfit to dress me in. It was then that he said we were going on a trip. Not for long, just a chance to get out of the house. The outfit was nothing provocative… a t-shirt, a button down shirt, socks, sneakers and a pair of jeans.
I sat up on the couch and raised my arms up. He took my baby-t off and slid the t-shirt down on me. I can’t even begin to tell you how much fun I have with him when he dressed me. The more I don’t help out, the more difficult it is for him. He managed to get the t-shirt on me and the button down shirt. Then the real fun began. He put socks on my feet. I don’t like socks anyway, so I didn’t really “help”. He eventually stopped dressing me and gave me a look of disgust. So I stopped, giving him a wink.
I found myself lying on the couch as he checked my diaper one last time before we went out. Then he began sliding the jeans up my legs. I made the process easy for him and soon he was buttoning and zipping them up around my waist. They felt a little tight, but that was more from the diaper butt I had than anything.
I sat up and he put the sneakers on my feet, tying them with double knots just like is done for a little child.
He then sat and got comfortable on the couch, knowing full well that I had to do my hair and face. I wouldn’t feel comfortable going out otherwise. I went into the bathroom and curled up the bottoms of my pant legs. If I have to wear socks, then why hide them? I rolled up the sleeves of the button down shirt and tucked the shirt into my jeans. I turned around, looking into the mirror to make certain that the tucked-in shirt was loose enough to covered at least some of my bottom. Through the jeans, it was a little obvious I was diapered. Either people would think that or that I had a big butt. Neither option was appealing to me.
I did my face and hair next and then walked out into living room. Zeke stood up and took in my “image” as he likes to call it. The look in his eyes and the expression on his face made me melt. He took me into a gentle hug, so as to not ruin the work I had done on myself. His arms wrapped around me as he patted my diapered and “jeaned” bottom while giving my neck little kisses. I wiggled a little because it tickled me. But it makes me feel wonderful when he takes time to notice me like this. I’m always his BabyGirl and the attention he gives me as his baby is intoxicating. But I’m also a “Big Girl too sometimes” as he likes to say. My heart beats when he tells me how pretty I am, and when he can’t keep his hands off me.
He picked up a diaper bag that he had packed while he waited for me. I checked inside to make certain I had another outfit in it. As I looked through the bag, he stuffed a pacifier in my shirt pocket.
He smiled at me, gave me one of his playful winks and away we went to Central Market. Yes, he actually tells me what we are going to do. When we were vacationing in the Bahamas, he never told me what we were doing and always left it be a surprise. I told him a week ago that the “surprise thing” had gotten old. It irritates me that he never tells me what we are going to do. He understood and stopped keeping it from me.
We were only a few blocks away, but he opted to drive to prevent me from having to walk too much. But I was feeling well. Still he drove us and parked at the King Street Parking Lot.
We took the back alley into Central Market. This is a really neat market. It is the oldest farmer’s market in America still in operation. Fridays and Saturdays from really early until mid afternoon. Lancaster County is known for its Amish all ready and the stands in this market are a part of that.
As soon as we entered I went over to the candy stand right away. I always do. It’s called “Simply Sweet” and it’s just that. They have everything. I always get a bag of the gummy bears and then spend the rest of our time at the market eating them.
It’s my guilty pleasure, but Zeke has a guilty pleasure too. He loves cheese, which I think is pretty stupid since he has a lactose problem. His grandmother and father had this problem all their lives. And his brother can’t even look at the word “milk” without having trouble. Yet Zeke indulges himself with one of those blocks of hickory smoked cheese.
We always then get a bag of Amish Pretzels and then go to the Prince Street Café. So we walked in there with pretzels, cheeses and gummie bears. The people behind the counter waved. They’ve gotten used to us coming in with food. They let it go. I ordered a Cocoa Joe which is half coffee, half chocolate. Zeke got iced tea. He usually drinks Turkey Hill Iced Tea, he’s a bit of an addict. I keep telling him he’s not going to like the kidney stones that stuff causes.
We took our order number to a table by the window and sat down. When we’re out in public, you’d have no idea that we were Daddy and BabyGirl. That’s what I love. We never make it obvious to anyone. So they brought our drinks and we talked about this and that. I say it that way because I’m not always interested. Zeke usually talks about the next book he published on lulu.com. All the while I was simply enjoying a trip into the public in a diaper. The way it feels on me makes me tingle inside. And I was taking liquid down, so it was only a matter of time before I wet myself in public. I wondered how that experience would make me feel.
I was still feeling well on the day and he was right. A chance to get out and enjoy the day is just what the doctor ordered. And three more cups of Cocoa Joe is just what I ordered. (I have a chocolate problem. What girl doesn’t love chocolate? lol ) But for me, it isn’t just an addiction. It’s a serious problem. If you give me a bag of chocolate, I will eat it all. M-n-Ms, Rolos, Reese’s cup, they don’t stand a chance of surviving. So chocolate coffee was something I could keep drinking.
I’m going to miss these days when it get really cold as winter really sets in. Just walking around downtown Lancaster is a lot of fun, but Zeke is really skinny and he gets chilled easily. So we won’t do it much in winter.
This is also the reason why we moved to one of the couches by the fireplace. Sitting next to the window can get him cold. I didn’t mind moving. The couch was comfy. But it was when I stood up that I realized I shouldn’t be ordering anymore coffee. I don’t have a very big bladder anyway and I was definitely at capacity.
I moved slowly over to the couch and gently sat down. I had no desire to leave, even though my bladder had me concerned. I picked up a magazine on the coffee table and began flipping through it to distract myself. I came across one of those quizzes for couples. I stretched out on the couch, using Zeke’s lap as a pillow, and we took the quiz. I scored well on it. Zeke did okay, but I wasn’t expecting him to do great. After all, it is a girly magazine and those tests are biased to females.
The distraction worked for a little while, but I sat up and accept what was going to happen. Zeke saw the look on my face change. He asked if I wanted to leave. I nodded yes and then stood up. I took one step forward and Zeke wrapped the button down shirt he was wearing around my waist quickly, tying it around my front. I recalled he did this once before as we got off the plane in Miami on our vacation. I had leaked through the seat of my jeans.
I guess I should’ve been mortified and felt humiliated, but it wasn’t that bad. I did feel a little embarrassed as we exited the café. I looked at the other people as we left, hoping their faces didn’t show they knew something was wrong. Luckily, they had no idea. That was the neat part.
My body language must’ve told Zeke I was beginning to feel little. As we slowly walked down the street back to the car, he patted my bottom lightly and told me it was okay. The tone in his voice turned my mind that much further back to “little mode” almost instantly. I leaned up against him and rested my head on his chest. I was starting to feel better as I continued wetting myself, but I began to worry that my diaper wouldn’t hold it all. I just kept peeing and it wasn’t stopping.
By the time we got to the car, I felt like my diaper weighed ten pounds. It was so swelled up that I had trouble walking straight. It seemed we had made it without anyone noticing. I will never forget how much of a close call it was though.
And I definitely will not ever forget what Zeke did next…
We had made it to the car and we only lived a few blocks away. We were in the clear. I was feeling little, but Zeke did something that turned me from feeling “little” into feeling like a “baby”. Even now as I write this it makes me tingle just thinking about.
Oooh! Zeke just told me it’s bath time soon. So I need to finish writing. Let me tell you what he did before I’m done with this entry…
So we got back to the car and I was expecting to just get in the car and go home, but Zeke opened the back door on the passenger’s side and he untied the shirt from my waist. He took the button down shirt I was wearing off of me and laid me down on the backseat. Then he took the pacifier from my shirt pocket and placed it between my lips. I took the pacifier in my mouth with a look of confusion on my face. It was a few seconds before I figured out what he was about to do.
He untied my double-knotted sneakers and took them off my feet. Then he reached into the front seat and grabbed the diaper bag!
My eyes almost bugged out of my head. I kept a steady eye on the windows, hoping no one would walk by as he unzipped my jeans and slid them off me. He tossed the jeans and shirt on the floor of the back seat. I was now lying there in a t-shirt, pink socks and a wet diaper. I remained perfectly still as I kept checking the windows for passers-by. I sucked on my pacifier nervously.
He leaned over me and stroked my face while saying “Shh, Shh, Shh.”
I melted into the seat when he did that. I don’t know how he was able to relieve my tension with simple words and gestures, but when he did that, I felt all the nervousness leave. My body relaxed as he unfastened my wet diaper.
I looked up at him with adoration as he lifted my legs and bottom as high as he could. My toes touched the roof of the car and I wiggled them, happily. I didn’t matter where we were, he was able to control everything with a kind of gentleness and tenderness that made me want him more and more every time he did this.
Zeke took his time wrapping up my wet diaper into a ball. He casually got out the next diaper and unfolded it. I raised my hips at his command and he wiped me clean before I smelled the powder he was putting on me. I was in a heavenly state of mind as he lowered my body down onto a diaper and then folded it around me and taped it into place. I thought we were done at this point…
I thought wrong. He lifted me up into his arms and picked up the wet diapered he had balled up. I clung around his body ever-so-tightly. He began walking over to a trash can. I looked back at the car as the door closed. There went my only chance at a quick dash back into the car if I were discovered.
He slowly walked to the trash can. No hurry at all. There I was in his arms, dressed in a t-shirt, pink socks, and a diaper that was uncovered and clearly visible to anyone who might be nearby. My emotions went from being afraid to being excited to feeling like a “baby”. It’s a wild ride when your emotions change so quickly like that.
He dropped the wet diaper in the trash and walked back to the car while rocking me gently and patting me on my diaper. I could have remained there, in his arms and in that state forever, whereas a few moments earlier, I was petrified. The world around me faded away and all that mattered to me was Zeke.
We got back to the car and he unlocked the doors. He placed me in the front seat and buckled me in. My feet never touched the ground.
We drove home and spent this evening watching movies. He made steaks for dinner, and now he is telling me that I really need to finish writing now. It’s bath time for me and then off to bed.
Nite Nite!
Lily ( one very happy BabyGirl! )
Entry Three - September 12th
Dear Diary,
I just had a most relaxing morning. I really didn’t do much, just hung out here at the house and zoned on the couch. I have a lot on my mind right now. Next week, I got to the doctor again and he will tell me if my treatments are having any effect on the Hodgkin’s.
So today, I asked Zeke if he would take me on a trip and make it a surprise. He said he would. So I sat there for a while and tried to guess where he would take me. I heard him talking on his cell phone to someone in the bedroom.
Then he came out with a t-shirt, one of my bras, one of his light blue button down shirts, and a pair of jeans! I was amazed. He never likes me to be in pants, but recently has put me in jeans a couple of times when we’ve gone out. My legs haven’t been covered very much since he brought me home from the hospital. -giggle- I like the way that sounds. :) It makes me feel like his baby.
We ate something light for lunch and then he fed me a bottle as I curled up in his lap. A bottle after food is so wonderful. My stomach gets upset easily from the drugs I have to take and the bottle settles it down. Now I know how Zeke feels with his weak stomach trouble. No fun.
After my bottle (and the burping I do after it which makes me laugh), Zeke placed me on my blanket on the living room rug. I knew what was coming. He had checked me while I was on his lap and knew I needed a change.
He lowered me on my back and touched the nipple of the paci to my lips. I took it in my mouth and relaxed my body, parting my legs as he unfastened my diaper.
I never tire of the diaper changes. It easily could become a novelty that has worn off its charm, but Zeke never forgets to change me with a gentle touch. It’s that caress that I look forward to more than anything. When he touches me, I ache all over. Sometimes, without knowing it, I arch my back up at his stroke.
He lifted my bottom and legs in the air as he took a wipe to my bottom. This is another wonderful sensation that I can’t put to words. Then came the powder and the rustling of a new diaper being put under me. I immediately fell back into the baby feelings as he lowered me down onto it.
I watched him fold the diaper up over my front and tape it into place at my sides. Hmmmm. The feeling of a brand new diaper is wonderful, always.
Being wet can be fun too, but only if it ends with a diaper change from him. He makes me very happy.
I sat up at his command and threw my hands straight out as he put a bra on me. He’s gotten a lot better at putting one of those on me. I’ve explained to him that a twisted strap is very uncomfortable and after he puts it on me, he has to “situate things” just so or it won’t ever feel right. He’s done well in his past few attempts.
I threw my hands to the sky as he brought a white baby-t over my head and onto my body. It was tight, but still comfortable enough. Besides, I like the way it makes me look and I know Zeke likes the way it makes me look, too.
Then came a new experience for me. He placed me on my back and had me raise my legs straight up as he stood up and grabbed my jeans.
He stuck both of his arms up the pant legs and scrunched them down on his arms. Then he walked over to me and grabbed my ankles, shaking his arms and allowing the jeans to slowly fall down onto my legs. My feet popped out of them and he helped me scooch them up over my waist, buttoning and zipping them up.
Next he put socks on my feet. I sat up, rested my head on my knees and wrapped my arms around my bent legs as I watched him put my sneakers on and tie them.
I jumped to my feet and followed him into the nursery as he quickly packed my diaper bag. I glanced over at the mirror above my dresser and noticed what I looked like in jeans. I was happy he let me wear jeans, but I was worried that I’d have a diaper butt.
So I begged Zeke to tell me where we were going. He could tell the look on my face was serious worry so he didn’t play around about it and told me … We were going to meet his mother!!!
I looked back at my image in the mirror and then walked over to Zeke and hugged him. He returned the hug, assuring me that his mother was going to love me. I didn’t bother telling him that my fear was more about having a diaper butt than meeting her. But I knew there was no way he would take the diaper off and let me wear panties. So, I mustered up the courage and followed him out to the car.
Don’t get me wrong. I really wanted to meet his mother. He had said so much about her. He told me she was a very sweet lady, but she could come off as judgmental. You just needed to get to know her first. I had all ready spoken with her on the phone. She sounded cheery. So I was hoping the awkward “getting to know you” time would come and go quickly when we met. I was more concerned with a big butt or an elastic waistband giving away our secret to her. But Zeke didn’t seem to be worried. So I tried not to be.
On the way we stopped at a Turkey Hill store. Zeke has an addiction to Turkey Hill Iced Tea.
Let me tell you something about Turkey Hill stores. They have an entire set of drinks, from iced tea to green tea to lemonade to orangeade to limeade and every weird flavor you can think of in between. It’s a local company here in Lancaster and Zeke is addicted to the iced tea. He drinks like two gallons of it a day which isn’t good because it’s known to cause kidney stones.
Anyways, we saw somebody he knew there. They were a young couple I had never seen before. We talked for a little bit and he introduced me. After a few minutes, we paired off. The guys started talking football. The girl and I started to talk to each other. We both felt kind of awkward, not really knowing what to say to each other, but we were polite about it until the guys finished.
I was feeling little all ready, but when the girl looked down at my waist and raised an eyebrow, I knew my diaper was noticeable. I got uncomfortable, but tried not to show a reaction, passing a lie off to her that I was retaining water. And instantly, the tension dropped. She believed me and we finally had something to talk about. Now the guys were waiting for us to stop talking. Ha Ha!
We eventually did leave the store and got moving to his mother’s house. Pulling into her driveway, my tummy got fluttered. I got nervous again about meeting her. Who wouldn’t be? But now, I was even more nervous his mom might notice my diaper. What if I leaked and soaked my jeans at her house? This could be really embarrassing.
We walked up to her door and I quickly put the pacifier in my shirt pocket as Zeke unlocked the door. We walked in and a lady with a big smile came walking down the stairs. He introduced us and she hugged me. Then she took me on a tour of her house. Everything was very neat and she had a lot of antiques.
Here I was, so nervous to meet her, but she turned out to be a very, very cheery woman. And now she was leading me around by the hand and showing me everything in her home. She was kind to me and made me feel comfortable. I appreciated that and I began to fall in love with this lady’s charm. I realized I had been foolish for worrying. This was Zeke’s mom, the woman who raised him. Of course she was wonderful and Zeke was proof of it.
No sooner did she stop showing her house than she declared that she was ready to go. So we got in her car and began driving down the road. Zeke insisted that I sit in the passenger’s seat next to her, seeing how well we were getting along. And as we were driving to Wal-Mart, a trip that she and Zeke have made together many times, I realized why I had taken to her so quickly … She was talking to me like I was a little girl! Complete with overly-excited enthusiasm to tell me how she was able to get several errands done during her lunch hour yesterday. I was loving this!
She talked a mile a minute and had such animation. Then she began to ask me questions about me. I was so excited myself I started spouting off as much about me that I could think. I got to the part where I told her how Zeke and I met and I accidentally blurted out the word “Daddy”. (GULP!!!!!!)
I quickly corrected myself and called him Zeke. But then the conversation came to an eerie halt. There were a few moments of silence and I got so nervous I started peeing myself.
His mom smiled and then told me how her father used to call her mother “Daddy” and how she used to call Zeke’s father “Daddy”. It’s a typical slip of the tongue.
Whew! That was a close call!
Soon we arrived at a Wal-Mart I had never been to before. It was in a place called Parkesburg, just east of Lancaster County. His mom said she liked this particular one and always went there. We got out of the car and I quickly looked down at the front of my jeans to see if I leaked. Luckily I hadn’t, but my diaper gotten heavy and it was going to be hard to walk straight and not waddle. I pressed up against Zeke and he put his arm around me as we walked in. This felt right: a BabyGirl and her Daddy, out and about. I felt so little and the wet diaper under my jeans kept me feeling that way.
We walked in and his mom said she needed to get a gift for her grandson. Zeke’s older brother had two sons. I guess they will become my nephews before long. : ) So we made our way back to the toy section, short-cutting through where? You guessed it, the baby section.
My eyes grew wide when I saw all the baby stuff. His mom stopped and checked the price of diapers, remarking how they had become much more expensive then when she had babies to take care of. Zeke had to almost pull me away from that section as I started looking at all the toys and pacifiers and bottles and the whole section had that diaper smell and I didn’t want to leave it. But I did as Zeke instructed and followed him and his mother to the toy section like a good girl.
Zeke said he was a Lego maniac when he was a boy and he said he probably had 10,000 Legos as a kid. Persuading his mother to buy her grandson Legos, we proceeded to the boy’s section of the toys, right past the pink aisle. I really wanted to go down the pink aisle, but we had to go to the boys’ section. I started to feel a little bratty and I stuck my bottom lip out slightly.
Zeke saw my lip and lightly patted me on my bottom, his way of quietly telling me to be good. I was starting to feel playful, but was trying to prevent myself from getting too playful. My bladder wasn’t full, and I swear to you I forgot I had all ready wet my diaper before I started to wet myself again in defiance.
It was a foolish thing to do. If I leaked, it would be me that got embarrassed, not him. And if my jeans became so soaked that his mother could see, it would only make her suspect something a little more out of the slip of the tongue I had earlier when I called Zeke my “Daddy”.
All of these thoughts were circling around in my mind as I stood there in the boy section and peed. When I tried to stop, I couldn’t and now it was only time before my pee won and soaked my jeans or the diaper held out. Either way, I wouldn’t be able to move very much after this.
I crossed my legs slightly as I finished peeing and relaxed in the relief I now felt. But the weight inside my jeans was now immense. Then suddenly, his mother started looking around the toy section, remarking about the price of toys, she began venturing over into the pink aisle and we followed her.
Yeah, I was happy to get to see the pink aisle, by my-oh-my did I have to move carefully. It was now impossible to walk with that modest girly sway that always got the boys looking. Now I had to fight the waddle. No longer interested in toys so much, I grabbed Zeke’s left hand and shoved it down the front of my jeans. His hand felt the weight of my diaper and his eyes grew big.
Taking his hand out of my pants ( -giggle- That sounds naughty!), he walked up to his mom, encouraged her it was time to go. I’m not sure what he said exactly (as I was cowering back in the corner), but she decided leaving was a good idea and never questioned Zeke’s insistence.