Crave
Tales of Lust, Love and Longing
Catherine Lundoff
Published by Lethe Press at Smashwords
© 2007 by Catherine Lundoff
All rights reserved.
Lethe Press, 118 Heritage Avenue, Maple Shade, NJ 08052
ISBN: 1-59021-033-6
ISBN-13 978-1-59021-033-8
Cover art: "A Kiss" by Lorraine Inzalaco, oil on canvas, © 1997
signed and numbered prints are available from www.inzalaco-lesbianart.com
Interior book design by Toby Johnson
"The
Party" appeared previously in Lip
Service
(Alyson Books, 1999).
"Emily
Says" appeared previously in
Lust for Life
(Véhicule Press, 2006).
"Hands
of a Princess" appeared previously in Amazons:
Sexy Tales of Strong
Women (Thunder's
Mouth Press, 2006).
"Thursdays
at McKinney's" appeared previously in The
Mammoth Book of
Women's Erotic Fantasies
(Constable and Robinson, 2004).
"By
the Winding Mere" appeared previously in Clean
Sheets,
2000.
The stories are, as always, Jana's fault.
I'd say that I'd never had sex for money but that would mean forgetting about last winter. But that wasn't about the money, not really. It was about her. Or maybe them. I think.
I was broke, down to my last dime with no job leads on the horizon. It was my own damn fault for a change. I knew the manager at Carol's Coffee was going to fire me and I just didn't bother finding something else to jump to and scrambling for it before the axe fell. Sometimes you gotta play the hand you're dealt. This time I had bad cards and a worse strategy.
It still might have been okay if Michelle hadn't dumped me and kicked me out that same week but they say these things come in threes. I'd say meeting them in the bar few days later was the third one, but then none of it ever would have happened. That would've really sucked, at least looking back on it all now.
That night I was out drinking with my remaining friends, the ones who'd stand you a cheap beer when you were out of work. We were at some dive up in the Northeast, but since it was Minneapolis, none of could ever really say what it was "northeast" of. Not that it mattered.
What did matter was that it was the hellish mid-winter freeze that we get up here, long about February or so. I was killing time before I had to hike the ice-covered blocks back to Kelly's place where I was crashing on the sofa. I was also hoping to find someone to replace Michelle. Which meant I was leaning up against the bar looking as butch and broody as I was capable of in hopes that somebody would buy it.
But the woman who showed up wasn't exactly what I had in mind. For one thing she was older, like old enough to be my grandma kind of old. For another, she didn't look right. Even in the flickering neon, her blues eyes had that junkie stare going on, the kind where they look right through you and never blink. She was dressed nice though. Good watch, good shoes so she must've had some cash, at least before she got hooked on whatever it was.
Just then those eyes were fixed on me and I was trying not to back away. Finally she said, "Hello," in the most normal voice in the world. I nodded, then turned back to watch the pool game while the space between my shoulders got all prickly. She kept talking like she knew I wasn't ignoring her. "I'm looking for someone to do something for me. Something I'm willing to pay for. And I overheard you saying that you were out of work."
I whipped around to stare down at her, my mood bouncing between seriously creeped out and crazy pissed off. She smiled then, a thin-lipped, twisted scary smile that didn't make anything look any better to me. Pissed off won. "I don't know who the hell you think you are--"
"My apologies. I'm a rude old woman and I don't have much time left. Not enough to play social games anyway. So for your information, you were whining about being broke and getting fired and dumped loud enough for them to hear you down at the Mall of America." She gave me a once-over and I finally saw her blink. Except now she looked like I wasn't worth her time.
I opened my mouth to snarl something back at her and what came out was "Yeah, so what? Not like it's any of your business. Whyncha' just leave me alone to get drunk in peace?" I turned to walk away and she grabbed my arm. Not tight, but just enough to slow me down from storming off.
When I stopped, she let go. "It's about her. That's why it's my business." She nodded over at a table in the corner. "Normally, I could care less. But now...well, you look a bit like me when I was younger, back before I got sick. I think that might make her happy. And that's all that matters to me right now." I followed her nod over to the table.
There were three old dykes sitting around it drinking their beers and trading war stories. I ignored them. But the fourth one, she made my heart stop. I used to think that was pure b.s. but man, was I wrong. She had blonde hair and blue eyes, standard Nordic goddess for these parts. Except that she was the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen. She smiled and the rest of the room went away, even though she wasn't smiling at me. No, that smile was being thrown away on the scary old junkie standing next to me. There is no justice in this world.
The scary junkie smiled back and I started to change my opinion. Maybe she wasn't hopped up after all. Sometimes they kept the stare up for years after they went clean. Whatever. Not my problem. For a minute, I considered making a play for the blonde, the notion sending a hot wave up my thighs.
"So I take it you're interested?" Those weird blue eyes were fixed on me again. "It's a worth a couple of hundred if you're in."
"Wha--say, what is your deal? You looking for a third or something?" For a moment, I seriously considered it. Beauty and the Beast. Yeah, that'd be one to share with my buddies, probably worth a couple of beers. I imagined the blonde minus that bulky sweater, her sweet curves under my expert hands. I started getting wet, forgetting for the moment that there'd be a third party participating. The crazy woman inched closer and my little fantasy went up in smoke. No way. Not even for the goddess.
"Not what you've got in mind?" She gave me a wicked smile, one that made me madder and hotter all at the same time.
"I can handle anything you can dish out." I growled the words, wishing a moment later that I hadn't. This one could be into just about anything. But it was too late now and I was too down and out to take it back.
"Good. Let's go before you chicken out." And she turned and walked away, not bothering to look back to see if I was following her.
I wasn't. I leaned against the bar and watched her walk over to the blonde, saw the blonde smile up at her again, and winced. Then the blonde looked at me and I had to catch my breath. She didn't look too thrilled as far as I could tell. But maybe she frowned like that every time her crazy girlfriend picked up a third. I pulled myself together and gave her my best cool smile, the one that says that I'm every girl's dream, especially at bar closing time.
The maniac with her waved me over and I sauntered across the room, my eyes never leaving the blonde's. "Hi. I'm--"
But the nut job cut me off. "We don't need to know. And you don't need to know ours. It's not important for what I've got in mind."
I glared at her but she wasn't paying attention. Instead the blonde shrugged, then got up to help the other one into her jacket. From the way she was looking at the old bat, it was obvious they'd been together for awhile. Why?! A little voice wailed in the back of my head. I told it to shut up and followed them out, ignoring the whispers behind me. Maybe they did this every week. Who knew?
The other two led the way to a small SUV in the parking lot. I think it was green but I couldn't be sure. I didn't bother to get the plates either, stupid me, not that I cared until later. Then we were off, headed across town. Crazy woman cut me off every time I tried to talk so after a few tries, I just sat in the back and looked at the blonde's profile. You could tell she had her doubts about whatever her partner had planned but she was going along with it anyway.
For the life of me, I couldn't figure out why. The other one just seemed like a nut to me, and a sick nut to boot. I wondered what was wrong with her and guessed the Big C, just because. Not like I could ask anyway. Then I tried to picture myself in bed with them. That helped, for some weird reason. At least it helped when I saw myself going down on the goddess and burying my face in her sweet pussy.
I could almost feel her start to come when we got to Loring Park. Then Crazy Eyes slowed down like she was going to stop. Then it hit me: she was figuring on some kind of outdoor scene. I started to panic. A couple of hundred bucks wouldn't help me if I died from exposure. The SUV followed the curve around the park while I looked for a way to turn down whatever they had planned. By the time I'd gotten to "Thanks, but no thanks," she'd crossed the street and parked up past the Walker and the Sculpture Garden.
"So...we're headed back to your place, right? Wherever that is?"
They ignored me in favor of their own conversation. "You sure you want to go through with this?" The blonde asked.
"Long as you're okay with it, love. You know I've wanted to bring you back here to do this for a long time. This looks like it's as close as we're going to get." Then they stared at each other forever and smooched like I wasn't there.
"Ummm...hello? When do I get a piece of the action?" I was getting tired of being ignored and pissed off was better than nothing.
Blondie broke off the kiss and turned around at that. She reached out and pulled me forward so my face was right in front of hers. She stared at me for so long I lost some feeling in my toes. Then she kissed me. Hard. My lips opened under her tongue and I kissed her back with everything I had. Didn't even hear the other one get out of the truck.
When we stopped for air, I had to ask, "So where'd she go?"
"She had something to take care of. Don't worry about it." The goddess was a woman of few words, just the way I liked them. I smiled as she kissed me again. The touch of her lips was sending a hot wave of pure lust through everything from my ribcage on down. I wondered if she was getting half as wet as I was and if I could stick my hand between her legs to find out.
Crazy Eyes came back right about then. "We're all set. You ready?" This was to her girlfriend of course; guess I always looked ready or something.
"You sure?" The goddess asked like she already knew the answer to that question.
Crazy Eyes jerked her head in a nod, then pulled my door open. "Let's go." I got out, moving kinda slow like I thought I could delay whatever they had in mind. But I was aching for the blonde, all hot and empty until I knew I wouldn't say no to anything that wasn't really scary. The goddess grabbed my arm and started towing me back down the hill toward the museum and the Sculpture Garden.
We went down the hill past the condos and mansions and our breath was a frozen white cloud around us, which probably meant I was panting. Downtown was crystal clear in the frigid air, all the little lights on the skyscrapers twinkling their hearts out. The snow cover was just right, fresh and white and sparkling in front of us as we got to the greenhouse with its big glass fish.
They'd found a way into the greenhouse after hours? That must be it. Well, I figured that'd be okay, or warm at least. But the goddess kept going, pulling me along in her wake. What the hell did she have in mind? Lights went off all over the snow as we hit the motion detectors' sensors and I blinked at the statues and stuff. I hoped to hell the place wasn't alarmed too or we'd be meeting Minneapolis' finest pretty soon.
I was making noises about hotels and the SUV and common sense when I looked up and realized what she was headed for. Oh shit. The sculpture of the bigass metal spoon with the cherry on top. Probably the only thing the rest of the country recognized about Minneapolis and we were just going to wander up and do what? Take nekkid pictures in front of it until my tits dropped off from the cold?
"Spoonbridge and Cherry," the goddess murmured, like saying the thing's name out loud made the whole thing make more sense.
I was still sputtering when I noticed Crazy Eyes walking over to sit down on one of the benches. She was holding herself like she was in pain or something. The goddess let go of me and started over to her but stopped when she shook her head. I decided the time had come to take off, gorgeous woman or no gorgeous woman. But the goddess turned out to be in better shape than me and I went down on my face in the snow when she tackled me.
Nothing like a snoot full of snow to get a girl in the mood. I twisted around so I was face up and tried to flip the blonde over. She locked her legs around one of mine and moved to pin my arms down. I twisted my hand loose and grabbed one of her arms and that was about the time I noticed that her perfect face was an inch away from mine. Her lips were set in a line and she was frowning so I kissed her.
This time, I took her by surprise and was able to flip her onto her back in the snow. She opened her legs and wrapped them around my waist so I decided to stay put for a few minutes. Her lips were icy on mine but it was warm, no hot, inside her mouth. Her tongue shoved its way past my teeth and I sucked on it, wrestling it with mine.
Once I was distracted, she raised her hips up and twisted out from under me. Next thing I knew, she had me by the collar and was dragging me through the snow toward that damned sculpture. I grabbed some snow, then some frozen grass under it but I only managed to get my gloveless hands wet and cold. I had a fuzzy memory of there being water under the spoon that being what made it a 'bridge,' but it was my lucky night and Hell had frozen over.
I slipped and slid along behind her until we got right up to the stupid thing. But no lights or alarms went off. I finally realized that they had a buddy in the Walker, which meant someone else was watching our little production. I wasn't sure if I felt better or worse about that. The blonde snapped snow-covered fingers in front of my nose. "Hey, wake up. Remember me? Climb on up here, tiger and show me what you've got. We have a show to put on."
I stared at her as she climbed up into the spoon just below the cherry. She stared back at me, her expression shifting from Norse love goddess to Valkyrie. I followed her up into the thing, shivering the whole time. Nothing says fun like balancing in a giant metal spoon in the middle of a Minnesota winter. The blonde took a deep breath and grabbed my hand. Then she shoved it up under her coat and sweater, up to where the nipples in her big soft breasts were trying to turn themselves to stone under my frozen fingers.
That did it. I pulled her close, my tongue wrapped in hers and my hands getting warmer by the second. I imagined what she looked like without eighteen layers of clothes, maybe in a nice soft bed. Indoors. But I needed to work with what I had. I broke away from the kiss and dropped to my knees in front of her so I could suck on her hard little nipples.
The goddess moaned deep in her throat, possibly from impending frostbite and I slipped a hand between her legs and started rubbing through her pants and all. I decided not to think about the woman on the bench and whoever else was watching through the security cameras. Or at maybe I just decided it was hotter this way, playing to an audience. I tongued one icy nipple against my teeth and she yanked my hat off and buried her fingers in my hair.
I could feel the crotch of my jeans getting damper but I couldn't spare a hand to get between my own legs, not the way the goddess was gasping for air now. Instead, I concentrated on standing up and getting my thigh between hers. I started unsnapping her pants as I kissed her, licking my way over her ear and neck. She bit me then, sinking her teeth into my earlobe until I yelped. Her icy fingers were under my jacket and sweater now, working their way up. I was mumbling some b.s. about how hot she was as I got my own hand down into her hot moist fur and her soaking wet slit.
She sucked my earlobe harder and groaned into my ear, almost a growl. I shoved my leg against her, driving a couple of my fingers into her pussy. She got even wetter and I kept going, setting up a rhythm that was getting both of us warmed up more by the second. I could tell she was getting close from the way she was breathing and it made me grin.
From the corner of my eye, I saw her girlfriend make some movement that looked like she was getting happy in her own pants. Always good to know your work is appreciated. I bared my teeth and bit the goddess' neck, working on one of those huge high school type hickeys that no turtleneck will ever completely cover up. Normally I'm classier than that but I wanted to mark her, make her mine even for a little while. Her pussy walls closed on my fingers then and she wailed into the frozen air, legs shaking around mine as she came.
She grabbed my face and kissed me again, eyes closed and I guessed that she was imagining being there with the girlfriend. To hell with that. I shoved her hand down my pants, startling her enough that her eyes shot open. If she was hot before, she was smoking now: big blue eyes all cloudy from sex, white teeth chewing on pink lips. She found my clit so fast I thought it must be about 3 feet long by now, then she flipped me around so I was in the spoon.
Her hand forced my legs apart so she could get just about all her fingers inside me. I was plenty warm enough now, even when she yanked up my sweater and bit my tit. Then she pulled some snow from the cherry and rubbed it into my nipple. She warmed my nipple back up with her mouth, then she did it again until I thought I'd pass out from being roasting hot then freezing cold.
All the while her fingers were rubbing and pinching my clit until I couldn't take it anymore. I came hard, with only her hand inside me still holding me up, I was shaking so hard. Some lights flickered on in one of the condos nearby and I realized I'd been making a hell of a lot of noise.
That was when Crazy Eyes showed up next to us, making me jump. "Time to go," she growled. The goddess didn't argue, just zipped up her pants and tapped me on the cheek and jumped down. Her girlfriend stuffed a couple of bills in my pocket and the next thing I knew, I was standing around freezing my ass off watching them walk away. I zipped up my pants and pulled my shirt down, shivering now from being completely frozen. I followed them out but when I got to the street, they were nowhere to be seen and there was a cab idling in front of the museum.
I looked around, hoping for one last glimpse but my bad luck still held. Figuring the cab was for me, I hopped in and headed back to Kelly's. Everything was all sticky and achy and even the crinkle of new bills in my pocket didn't make it all better. I wanted the goddess for my very own and it wasn't to happen and that depressed the hell out of me. Even getting a job a few days later didn't help that much, at least not at first. The blonde was the only thing I saw when I closed my eyes. Plus I couldn't figure out whether it was hotter that I got paid for the best sex I've ever had or not.
But eventually I stopped looking for them in the local dives and got myself a new girlfriend. Blonde hair, blue eyes, standard Nordic goddess for these parts. Maybe someday soon, I'll take her by the Sculpture Garden and see how she likes art.
It began with small things. Carol realized that later. At the time, they seemed insignificant, little things of no importance. She was pretty sure it started with the smell, that warm scent that leather gets when it's well cleaned. And well used. The second part took longer to notice, of course. But once she recognized it, it was impossible to ignore.
Then there was the touch, the feel of it against her skin. When she wore the right outfit, the perfect leather shoes, she was a sex goddess, a woman no one could ignore. She stood straighter and taller, stepped out more confidently, skin and pussy tingling as if on fire. She met the glances, jealous or admiring, that came her way. And she soaked her panties thinking about all the things she could do with her admirers until her thighs were slick.
It started with the shoes: gorgeous high-heeled ones with pointed toes and razor-thin heels. There was something irresistible about them, that first pair that she bought after a bad day. She was walking home, her sensible shoes making her feel dowdy and hopeless, when she saw them. Moments later, they were hers, though afterwards she couldn't remember even trying them on.
They made her feel wonderful, even if she couldn't keep them on for very long. That wasn't really the point, was it? If they provided the opportunity to slip them off and let her run her bare feet up her lover's bare calves, that was enough. It was enough to see the look on his face when he picked her up for a date and looked at her feet. Almost enough, anyway.
After the shoes, came the boots: full-length black leather ones that ran up her thighs. She loved slipping her calves into the warm softness of the leather. Loved caressing her legs and watching herself in the mirror.
Soon, the boots were the only thing she wore when she got home. She rubbed them all over her naked body once the door was safely locked behind her. She slid them between her legs until her clit burned from the pressure and the leather got warm and hot and wet from her desire.
Then she would slip her fingers inside them and rub herself to orgasm, using sometimes the toe, sometimes the calf. She would pause to watch her own face in the mirror on the back of her bedroom door. To run a hand over her breasts and ribs like a caressing hand or tongue until she shook with the power of her not quite sated longings.
Her lover knew about this, of course. He liked to watch her do things to herself with the boots, liked to watch her parade around in nothing but thigh-high black leather boots with spiked heels. But he always wanted more. Eventually, he wanted her to put the boots away and embrace his flesh the same way she touched her own and watch him in the mirror the way she watched herself.
But it wasn't the same. He never got to see that look of wild abandon that she wore when it was just her and the boots and the mirror. So he went away, leaving her alone. That was when she realized the boots might not be enough.
She found the leather vest at a second-hand shop on her way home from work one night. It looked like it had belonged to a biker once; she could still see the old Harley logo on the back. It laced up the sides and it was worn thin and soft. It was a little tight on her when she buttoned it closed but she thought she might get to like that. She buried her face in it, breathing deep until she ached so badly it was all she could do not to rub herself off in the store's little changing room.
When she got back to her apartment, she yanked off her office clothes as if they were on fire. Then she put her boots on and stood in front of her mirror. She slid the vest over her bare breasts, shivering with delight at the touch of the velvety leather. Then she took it off and ran it up her thighs. Then worked a corner of it into her pussy, twisting it so it rubbed her clit. After that she put it back on, buttoning it so that it pushed her breasts up at the top.
She looked at her reflection wearing nothing but thigh-high leather boots and the biker vest. Her fingers found her clit, then her pussy, then finally her asshole, all hot and aching to be filled and touched all at once. When she came, she had to brace one hand against the wall so that she didn't fall over.
Then she went to her big soft bed and rubbed herself off on an old boot, imagining that the biker who had worn the vest was there with her. Imagining the feel of other hands on her nearly naked body, another's leather-covered body rubbing against her as her fantasy lover took her hard in an orgy of bewitching scents.
But there was still something missing.
She got up and went into the bathroom. She pulled out her razor and shaving cream and she shaved her pussy down to the bare soft skin. She touched the vest to the delicate flesh and nearly shrieked at the shock that went through her. It made her smile.
More importantly, it made her shop. She combed through every store in the city until she found the perfect black leather skirt, the perfect red leather corset. She wore nothing under them when she walked around the apartment, savoring the feel of her new wardrobe against her bare skin. She found a dildo and covered it with leather strips. When she fastened it to her bedpost then backed up to it, engulfing it with her flesh, she could imagine she was being taken by a lover who wore nothing but leather. The image filled her dreams.
She began wearing leather skirts and higher heels to work. Once she even found a pair of Italian leather heels with chains that hung from the ankle straps so that their delicate weight caressed her feet. She imagined wearing them with her leather corset, imagined walking into a bar and having everyone there want her.
After that it was just a matter of finding the right bar.
She looked around until she found the city's one leather bar, where she was lucky enough to be adopted by some of the Bears. They thought she was cute and even called her "Goldilocks" because it made her giggle. They told her wonderful things about custom-made chaps and harnesses and the things you could do when you wore them.
Most importantly, they introduced her to Michelle. Michelle had a bike of her own and wore chaps and a braided quirt at her belt. She even wore fine black leather gloves, encasing hands that fascinated Carol. When she wore her vest, it fastened with thin silver chains that ran across her breasts, coaxing her nipples into near permanent hardness beneath her black t-shirt. More than anything, Carol wanted to take those nipples into her mouth and suck them. She wanted to ride Michelle's bike and press her naked shaved pussy into Michele's chaps while the engine throbbed into her through the leather seat.
At first, she was a little surprised, even shocked, by her fantasies. But not for long. Michelle smelled like leather, well cleaned and well used, even when she wore office drag. Whenever she met Carol for lunch, she always managed to get close enough to touch her. She held Carol's leather jacket for her, she brushed her hand against her leather-covered hip as if by accident, she mentioned the new chaps she was getting that weekend.
But she didn't do any more than that and it was nowhere near enough for Carol. So when she couldn't take it any more, she invited Michelle to the bar. Then, concealed by the table, she spread her legs as wide as they would go in the tight sheath skirt she was wearing. She took Michelle's gloved hand and guided it into her waiting, aching self.
They left the bar soon after that.
When they got to Michelle's bike, she unzipped Carol's skirt enough so that Carol could ride behind her on the seat. Enough so that she could feel Carol's shaved pussy with her gloved fingers. Carol noticed that she didn't take her gloves off and that made Carol very happy.
Once Carol was sitting on the bike, rubbing the leather seat with her bare, wet skin, Michelle kissed her and it was everything that Carol had been dreaming about. When she got on and started the bike up, Carol thought she might come from the vibration alone.
But she was afraid of falling. Instead, she clung on with her hands and legs and pressed herself as close to Michelle as she could get. Everything she could touch and everything she could smell was leather and she was empty and aching and wet when they got to her apartment. As they went up the stairs, Michelle touched her with her gloved fingers, touched her in all the places that begged to be filled, until Carol was all hers. Almost.
When they got into her apartment, Michelle saw the high-heeled boots and the leather vest and she pulled off the skirt that Carol was wearing. Then she made her kick off her heels and take off her corset. After that, Carol put on the vest and the boots and stood in front of Michelle in nothing but those, her pink and bare-naked pussy inches from Michelle's lips. Michelle explored her with her tongue and Carol thought it was much better than the mirror.
Michelle pulled her into the bedroom and Carol showed her the leather dildo. Then Michelle made her lie on the floor in front of the mirror while she licked her clean-shaven pussy and fucked her with one black-gloved fist. And Carol bucked and moaned and wailed and watched herself in the mirror.
Then Michelle took the leather dildo and she worked it up Carol's ass. She stuck three gloved fingers inside Carol and sucked her clit. Carol burst the buttons on the old vest when she came. She even stopped looking in the mirror. That made Michelle smile.
Michelle let Carol bury her face between her own leather-covered thighs. She let Carol drive her fingers inside her and play with herself at the same time until they both came. Michelle smiled at their reflection in the mirror as she ran her gloved hands over Carol's naked skin. And this time it was enough and more than enough and they even smiled at each other.
Snow crunches beneath the pack's paws as we race behind you. The cold runs through my own paws and up my legs until I shiver in spite of my thick coat. The moon breaks free from the clouds, lighting our way and you greet it with a howl that makes me want to roll over, throat exposed. Giving myself to you.
I surrender to the wolf and I howl with you. The pack joins us, sending our voices high into the trees. From far away, I smell prey on the wind and I suck in the scent eagerly, drawing it down my muzzle like a drink of fresh water. I pause and now you smell it too. You turn, circling me, tongue lolling from your jaws in a doggy grin. I imagine its touch on my human parts for a moment and whine eagerly, hopefully.
Instead, you turn, racing away toward the bewitching smell and I run after you, the rest of the pack at my heels. Now all I breathe in is the musky scent of you, my alpha, my queen. With the part of me that is not-wolf, I wonder what I breathe when I can't smell you. Then the wind shifts and everything is blood and the hunt and I push desire away. I become wolf, closing the door on my human self, letting it dream of you.
When next that self wakes, I taste blood and there is blood on the snow all around me. A crumpled body of some sort lies at the edge of the clearing and I make myself see it only with wolf eyes. It was prey and then it was food. Nothing more. I do not look at it again.
Instead I roll in the snow, cleansing my fur of whatever it is that I have eaten. Around me the pack dozes but you are awake. I walk silently to your side and whine a question. You point upward with your snout and I follow your movement in time to see the moon slide toward the horizon. Then you turn and walk out of the clearing, leaving me to trail after you as we make our way back to our human selves. Spell broken, none of the others follow us this time.
We walk toward danger, toward the scent of humans and I wander after you as if there is no other way. As if we have never spoken of staying wolf. There are sharp smells, alien things, not like the snow or the wind. I whimper as I change back, whine as my bare human feet touch the icy coldness of the snow. Without my fur and fangs, without my pack, I am weak and the cold can kill me. I struggle not to expose my human throat, to roll on my back and surrender to it.
My human self seizes control as the moon sets and I race for the pile of clothes and blankets we left at the edge of the woods. You tackle me so that we fall on the soft fabric, your naked body pressed against mine. My feet are buried in snow and I flail, bucking against you. I feel your muzzle shorten to a human jaw against my neck, your teeth nip my flesh. You hold my hands above my head with one sinewy arm while your hand plows into me without preamble, knowing I am always ready for you. I howl at the shock of cold human fingers inside me and strain against them, riding them until my back arches and I shiver and shake with release.
You look down at me, your expression an echo of the wolf's smile, and release my arms. I sink on my knees in the snow before you, trying to will my shivers away, and I bury my face between your legs. You delight in my homage, in my discomfort almost as much as the sensation of my tongue on your flesh. You are alpha in truth and I am never allowed to forget my place in the pack.
The knowledge makes me send my hand between your legs as my thighs run wet and hot with my own longings. I am yours and the thought makes me grin my own version of your doggy smile. I lick harder, using my fingers to probe your secret places. You growl, the last of the wolf leaving with the moon and embrace my whole hand, pulling it inside you until I think I will never get it back. The notion thrills me and I press harder until you come around my clenched fist and wail your release into the winter air.
Then I feel the cold around me, the frozen places on my bare flesh and I pull a blanket from the pile. You might have let me have it before but that would not have been enough for you. You are always testing me even when I sleep in your arms and dream of nothing but you. Your lips touch mine fiercely and I open to you until you pull away to get dressed. I fight the urge to hold on, knowing it won't do me any good.
We are human inside and out now, at least until the next full moon. Then wolf again next month and on and on until we meet the silver bullet of legend or fail from disease or old age. I glance behind me at the trees and pull in the scents of pine, of freedom. Then I turn and reluctantly follow you back to the world where you are the town sheriff and I am nothing more than the waitress at the local café. Not even your beta. I bite back a whimper.
Each time, it's a little harder to turn back. We've all heard the stories of the ones who went wild, surrendering their human selves to live in the woods. All the other were in the chatrooms claim to know someone who's "gone wolf" but since they never come back, no one knows for sure. Right now, I want that. I want to belong to you, to be possessed by you casually and fiercely, surrendering myself to pack law.
But you have power as a human and you will not let it go. This I know as I watch you fasten your belt and check your gun in its holster. You are the woman who became sheriff against the odds and you can no more deliberately lose that battle than you can cease to be alpha. You grin at me then as though you can read my thoughts.
As we walk back on the trail, I see something from the corner of my eye and I turn to meet the eyes of the man who stands there, watching us. "Sheriff, Kim." Pete Lassiter nods at us. Instinctively I bristle. He was your rival when you ran for sheriff, saying as often as he could that no woman could keep the town safe.
Tonight he has a rifle over his shoulder and wears camouflage. "Cold night for hiking, ain't it?" He raises one bushy eyebrow and as I stare into his blue eyes, I realize he suspects that I belong to you. But his expression does not change and he is not a direct threat. I force the ghost of my hackles down.
"Kim here thought she saw some poachers back in the woods. Thought we'd see if there was anything going on before we called the rangers in." Your fingers find the butt of your gun unconsciously, daring him to ask if the woods aren't too dangerous for two women alone at night.
He doesn't ask. Instead he says the thing I fear most to hear from a human with a rifle. "Thought I heard wolves. Haven't had a pack in these woods in years but I figured I'd go have a look. Maybe bag me a coyote if nothing else."
My wolf-self howls inside me. The pack is all and I must protect them, must stop this man with his bullets. I hear the breath hiss through your teeth as you fight a little for control. "Wolves ain't for shooting, Pete. You know that. 'Less you got some cows or poultry you're protecting that I don't know about?" Your voice is calm, just one more guy among guys. No unspoken threat hums beneath your words and despite myself, I relax.
Lassiter nods agreement. "Just carrying this for my own protection, Sheriff. Got no intention to go hunting. I know the law." And with that, he nods at me and crunches off into the snow, headed back toward the sleeping pack. I watch your face as he goes and I see your lip curl, exposing a white tooth. For an instant, your face is longer and your eyes are golden and I tremble for us both.
But the moment passes and we do not follow him; they will smell him before he gets there and do not need our help. Instead we walk silently back into town and go our separate ways. I remember the taste of you on my tongue for as long as I can. Then I go to the diner and pour coffee and serve eggs as if none of it ever happened. I nod to you when you come in with your men. I joke and flirt with them, knowing that it means nothing.
I cannot do the same with you and my knees shake whenever you look my way. Even here you are the center of attention and your men follow you like a human pack, instinctively recognizing a true alpha. You do not bluster or brag but we all know that you will kill to defend us, that you may done so already. Our town has had no meth labs, no serious crime since you became sheriff, not like the towns around us. Rightly or wrongly, we believe that it is because of you.
Here in my space, you are just another dark-haired woman with amber eyes turning golden in the right light. I try not to think about how much I want to see them change. You have a career and shared custody of your children to consider. Your ex would never let them be raised by a lesbian, let alone a werewolf. You might even lose the next election, though I doubt that more than you do. But for your sake, I make myself look away and think about something else.
I know I will not get closer to you than this until we are wolf again. I know that this is the one time that you fear me, fear what I might cost you if the town knew. But I love you too much to ask you to pay the price of being with me, of acknowledging what we are. Instead, I dream of you and haunt the were chatrooms until the moon fills my blood again.
This time, you take me as we change, your face lengthening and your hands turning to paws as you grind yourself against me. My own hands paw at the snow beneath them as I scramble for purchase, for release. Your fur mingles with mine as it sprouts and I let you rest your wolf-fangs against my still human throat as I embrace you. I thrill to the danger, remembering how you made me were, seducing me with my own longings for freedom until I could not refuse you. My whines fill the night as I surrender to the heat of desire.
Then you are all wolf and I change to follow you, to run behind you as we search for the pack. For the first time, I wonder how many of them are were. They are larger than normal wolves, and smarter too. None of them seems to fall victim to traps or to the death sentence of raiding the local farms. Surely there is something more than your once-a-month leadership that keeps them safe. Once again, I vow to be there when they change back, if they do. Once again, I know I will do what you do and leave when you leave.
The temporary alpha snarls a little when we appear but he meets your eyes and yields. I grin a lolling doggy grin where he cannot see me. It is right that you should be alpha. I can imagine you no other way. One of the others gives me an almost human wink but her face shifts and I cannot be sure.
I scratch at the snow, wanting to be off and running for the joy of it but we must obey the pack protocols. You establish your dominance quietly and none of the others try to fight you for it, even though you are a female. Then and only then do you turn to run from the clearing, knowing we will follow you through anything.
But something is wrong tonight. The air doesn't smell right and there are men in the woods, men who smell of metal and fear. We run further than we have ever run before, hoping to leave them far behind us. A deer leaps out in front of us, running further into the wild. Together we race after her, our howls muted at your growl.
At your heels, we dart over rocks and through an icy stream, confusing the tracks behind us. You lead us up the mountain and finally, the scent of men falls away behind us. Now we are free to hunt and feast on whatever we can catch and you yip playfully as we flush a rabbit, then two. The others find more prey and we feast on the warm bodies and look out over the valley at the lights of town far below us.
I sit near you, the shreds of my human self imagining a different future as I look from the lights to you. You turn and nip gently at my shoulder, acknowledging my gaze. Then you lead us further up the mountain, running as fast as you can and leaving us to catch up. You howl very softly when we reach the top, stretching your neck upward to the moon. We look for permission to add our voices to yours but it does not come.
You think we are still in danger; I see this through both wolf and human eyes and I bow to your judgment. We follow you down the far side of the mountain, until the moon begins to sink. You lead the pack to some caves, out of sight of the lights of town and we leave them there. I follow you back in a slow and careful circle through the same woods we ran through freely last month. My wolf self aches to run, free and wild through the snow, just as my human self aches for your fears for our safety.
We hid our clothes out of sight this time, away from where we met Lassiter. The woods reek of men and guns and I nearly whimper as we slide past them through the trees like shadows. Pete Lassiter stands between us and our hiding place and I watch the moon sink with horrified eyes, knowing that there is no choice between being a naked woman in the winter woods and a wolf surrounded by armed men.
But our luck stays with us and he moves on, snow crunching beneath his feet. We slink into the hollow surrounded by bushes just as we begin to change. You give me an unreadable golden stare and I tremble with want in spite of the danger. I can see you smell my desire, see yours rise with mine but still you make no move, choosing to get dressed instead. I meet your eyes, holding them with mine as I tug on my shirt and socks.
I pull my pants on but leave them unzipped as I send my hand into the aching wetness between my legs. You watch me, eyes growing human dark with desire as I caress my flesh, chewing my lip to keep myself quiet. I imagine that it is your hand, your tongue on me and I close my eyes so I can forget about the cold, the danger. The way that you shiver while you watch me but refuse to touch me.
A crunch of footsteps on snow brings me back to myself and I yank my hand from between my legs. You tense as if to spring and I see your gun glint in your hand, one of the few times I have ever seen you draw it. I hold my breath, waiting for what comes next. The footsteps circle our hiding place, pause, then move on. But your gun stays in your hand as you crouch, waiting and listening.
I lace my boots on as silently as I can and zip up my pants. I do not meet your eyes this time. I can't. I should never endanger the pack alpha like I have tonight, not now when we are hunted. I ache with shame, with unfulfilled longings as you finish getting dressed. You go ahead of me, waving me forward as you stop at each shadow. Your gun stays in your hand and I shiver whenever the fading moonlight falls on it.
It seems like forever but we finally reach the safety of the edge of town without the hunters seeing us. I slink away from you, my head bowed as I walk away. For the first time, I realize that I will have to leave, to move far from you. One werewolf in town can be invisible. Two stand out. I remember Lassiter's eyes and I wonder how many others suspect, how many others watch my eyes follow you. I can only bring you danger of one kind or another.
I'm almost home when I hear footsteps behind me. I pull my keys from my pocket, working them between my fingers the way you showed me. With my other hand, I pull my cell phone from my pocket, letting the streetlights glint off it as I turn. You are on me so fast that I almost slash you with the keys before I realize that it's you. Your body presses against mine, driving me backward into the darkened alley next to my apartment building.
Your mouth is hot on mine in the dark of the basement doorway and I shove the keys and the cell phone away so I can hold you. I pull you closer with fearful longing, terrified that this may be the last time I get to feel you against me like this. You thrust your leg between mine until my clit catches fire through my jeans and I gasp for air against the skin of your throat. With a single gesture, you touch your finger to my lips and I am silent, obeying your commands.
You slide a cold hand up my shirt, caressing and pinching my nipples into diamond-hard points. You run your tongue down my neck, then bite my throat. I arch my head back, yielding to your mouth, your teeth, your hands. And you take what I have to give, your hand finding its way inside my jeans, your fingers shoved hard inside me, filling the aching want you find there.
I ride your fingers, gasping for air in the winter dawn, grasping at your scent, your taste. Drowning myself in you. I can feel your desire as I stagger and sway in your arms. When my knees are stable again, I drop to them in front of you, burying my face in your jeans. They are damp against my mouth and I feel a shudder run through you as I unzip your fly. I wedge my tongue inside, thrusting it through the soft wetness of your fur. For a fleeting moment, I wonder if your eyes are golden. Then I lose myself in you, lose myself bringing you whatever ecstasy I can.
When I am done, when you have stopped shaking against my body, I remain kneeling, my face pressed into your thigh. "I'm so sorry." I murmur against the denim of your jeans. "I never should have done that."
You don't ask what "that" I mean but I feel you laugh a little. "Well your timing could have been better. Just don't do it again or it might get us into trouble." You tilt my face up so you can see my eyes. Your fingers are gentle on my chin and I feel tears start as I look at you. I don't deserve gentleness and passion.
You pull me to my feet and kiss me again, carefully and slowly as if you know what I'm thinking. But when you pull away, I can see that you're not thinking about me any more. "I have to go, Kim. I have to think about what we're going to do. If Lassiter and his buddies have decided to go wolf hunting, we may have to take a little vacation before the next full moon. See if we can get the pack somewhere safer. First, I need to go talk to the rangers. You take care, hon. and I'll see you at the café later."
One last kiss and you're gone, leaving me to watch you walk away and swallow the lump in my throat. Your walk is strong and sure and you don't look back. I know from the set of your shoulders that you're balancing the safety of the pack against the safety of the town and I wish I could help you with it. Then I realize I can, in my own way.
But leaving is harder than I thought it would be. My car needs repairs, tips are short for a few days, a friend gets sick. I let these things hold me in place, tethering me when I know I should go. Before I realize it, the month slips past.
The hunters, Lassiter among them, come to the café and dream aloud of killing wolves. They speak in soft voices of wolves smarter than dogs, smarter even, maybe, than them. Wolves that are big, but slip away like shadows. Once I think I hear the word "silver," but then they all laugh and I think I must have imagined it.
I dream of pouring hot coffee on them, of burning them enough so that they cannot go to the woods, cannot harm the pack. Neither of us understands the other's dreams. But I hear from them that the rangers are alert and traveling through the woods looking for traps and it reassures me.
I linger until the night of the next full moon, knowing that I can't leave until I know you are safe from them at least. This time, we drive out of town in your truck before moonrise, not risking a walk through the woods. Your hands are sure on the wheel, your eyes far away as you scan for hunters. I look too, but don't see anything. Finally, when we have gone as far as we can before we change, you stop the truck on a deserted dirt road.