Kat. The Texas Tornado.
By Blue Sleighty
Smashwords Edition
ISBN
Number: 978-1-4524-6344-5
Copyright 2011 Blue Sleighty
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My Secret Obsession Erotic Lesbian Stories
KAT. The Texas Tornado. © 2011 by Blue Sleighty
What possessed me to pull intoTHAT parking lot THAT day, I will never know.
Revisiting the past, I guess.
***
Many years of working in night clubs and booking musical talent into clubs got me through my youth. But, after a while I thought it was best to find a new and more respectable way to make a living. So, I did a 180 degree turn, and became an information manager. I left the world I had grown to love. The world of bars, night life, artists and musicians, and joined the suits in corporate America. And, I actually love my work in many ways. The pay is great, which is what draws me to the field of information management, rather than being an artist, booking bands and bartending which is what I TRULY love. However, being an information manager is exciting and fascinating to me. Especially when I get to travel to foreign lands and I am working on major capital projects, and I have every single piece of the information, no matter how confidential. I find it very interesting. More fascinating than fiction. The major players in this world are a shrewd bunch, and I love to attend upper management meetings and witness major high dollar negotiations. It is decidedly more interesting than anything ever offered on television, as far as I'm concerned. Obviously two completely different worlds I am talking about here, corporate America, and the club business.
On occasion, during the course of my day I will let my mind wander. It is then that I can smell the beer and the smoke and hear the jukebox playing, and I just have to go to a bar. The bar business gets into your blood. If I had the money today- I would buy a bar, dump my career, and get back into the bar business with no regrets. I LOVE it, and I miss it. I appreciate live music and love the art crowd. I actually feel out of place in the corporate world. More like an actress pulling off a part. I am respected and well paid, but, they don't know the real me. They don't WANT to know the real me. They have no idea where I came from. No idea that I am a lesbian. No CLUE that I came from 'another world'. The bar business is a rather subversive world, in a broader sense of the word. We were certainly not concerning ourselves with overthrowing any governments. Politics was the last thing on our minds. But- we were living life on our own terms, and going to great lengths to have that privilege.
My real life has become something that I have to hide. It is a conscious choice of mine, obviously. That is the part of my new career that I truly hate. The great trade-off. I can no longer be me. I have sold out. I have to hide EVERYTHING about myself. I have to try to look as mousy and drab as I possibly can, too. The other women that I work with do not like for me to be pretty. And they hate that I'm thin. I guess that if on top of all of that they knew I was a lesbian, they would just run me out of town on a rail. Who knew I could ever suck so bad? I heard someone say "I would rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not." Makes me feel like crap about myself every time I think about it. Because the "me" that I pretend to be at work does not in any way resemble the "me" that I truly am. I can't talk about any of my accomplishments, because my accomplishments would not please them. My art and writing are all pretty much erotic. So, being a lesbian, I can't talk about my art, my writing, or anyone I have ever loved or lived with. No mention of past lovers, or my feelings. It's stressful. If I ever get a girlfriend, I'll have to hide it. I can't talk about ANYTHING personal. I just pretend I no longer have sex, and that I had a marriage so bad that when it ended- my sexual side ended with it. I would never admit to being gay. Not in the corporate world. I will sell out everything about myself but love, sex, and my art. Those things I hold sacred. The rest of me, it seems, is a total whore.
***
When
I worked in the bar business, my sexuality was not something that I
hid. And, people dealt with me more honestly. If someone had a
problem with me- we met it head on. I was never fired for being gay
when I worked in the bar business. My employers felt that me being
gay just made me more interesting. I have seen many gay people forced
out of big companies, however, in the corporate world. It even
happened to me. I was "laid off" for being gay. But,
officially it was for looking at an inappropriate web site. I got too
relaxed with my behavior, and visited a website that I should not
have visited while I was at work, one day. And while the website was
on my computer screen, that day, the company attorney, Mr. ASSHOLE
Nance walked by my desk and saw a webring banner on my screen. The
website I was looking at had a webring membership in The
Lesbian Connection (which, ironically, I now operate and
manage) and the banner was proudly emblazoned across the bottom of
the website. Of course, ASSHOLE Nance immediately told the company
CEO (who also was the majority stockholder and was therefore the
owner) about my transgression.
After that incident, the owner/CEO
had his CHRISTJESUS connection come into my office and shake my hand.
I'm pretty sure that he was sent to feel my hand and sense
supernaturally whether or not I was filled with demons and
heinousness. I'm sure he was qualified. He was a country hick
minister from some little Texas town, who was sucking the boss out of
money in every way he could think of. At that moment he was getting
money for a ministry mission in Acapulco (got to save those folks in
Acapulco) just as 'the boss' had recently started trying to buy his
way into HEAVEN (the boss was giving the hick PLENTY of cash). The
hick was, of course, 'pre-warned' of my foulness, and acted like he
had gotten shit on his hand, when he touched me. He literally
grimaced and said "eeEeew" when he held my hand for too
long. The owner gasped, audibly. Let him get a witness. I was laid
off two weeks later. Point is: I learned that I had better stay in
the closet if I wanted to keep my job, when working in a corporate
environment. My family never disowned me for being gay. I have many
straight friends who love me, and accept me, and are always happy to
meet my girlfriends. Of course, I never have time to see any of them
because I'm always working. I really hate having to be so secretive.
I was sick of it. Sick of being in a world where the only acceptable
lifestyle didn't appeal to me anymore than their republican politics.
I needed a break. I needed to go back to my roots. I could no longer
stand what seemed to be a constant attack. I don't know how I could
feel under attack when I was in silence, but I did.