PROLOGUE

One Way to End

Sometimes it is said the value of a man’s existence lays in how well he treats the woman by his side.

Based on that piece of wisdom, Julian Douglas was undoubtedly a piece of shit.

He knew it. She knew it.

Julian shifted his legs. He crouched closer to the door, palm outstretched in supplication. Julian hadn’t dropped to his knees for anyone in years untold. The same arrogance which saved him from such idiocies fled. His hand flexed. Green flecked his elegant fingers. It was paint; specifically the door’s paint. He looked from his hand to the fresh gouges with confused awareness.

Just open the door. It’s not that hard. It probably isn’t even locked.

After all, he only left minutes before.

CHAPTER ONE

Devil’s Discovery

Winter 2000

Montreal, Canada

Julian stood in the shadows, melting in the background.

Silent, alert, and watching.

Always watching her.

The music’s pulsating throb beat into his ears and filled his body, almost mimicking the function of a heartbeat. However, it was a dull mockery of what his heart really felt as he looked out over the crowd and saw her.

Found you.

Her scent and taste irrevocably burned into his senses. There was not one piece of her that he had not touched, had not tasted, had not taken. Even now, he suffered a twisted joy in recalling the moments that led him here.

Oh, Lily. My sweet, little whore.

Lily Walker, former resident of Vickery Hill, Georgia and former Resurrector of same town, had led Julian Douglas on a merry, merry chase across four continents for two years.

Thought to shirk me off along with your duties, hmm, darling? For shame! But don’t worry, dear. I’ll give you just what you need…like always.

Julian’s full mouth unfurled an angelic smile. Memories, both courted and despised, crowded his fractured mind.

Every story has at least two beginnings. One for you and one for me. But in our case, we have three.

Once upon a time, a young girl named Lily met her destiny by the moonlit lake. First, she tried to kill him. Later, he befriended her. For years they had been inseparable—but this wasn’t Julian’s story.

This was Ian’s.

Same body or not, I’m nothing like Ian. He was a different person. Manufactured. Created to believe that Julian Douglas never existed. I was buried in madness which only made the imposter madder.

Which, unfortunately for them both, was true.

Humble, gentle, and essentially gelded, Ian had worshipped the ground Lily’s dainty feet had walked on. His other side had been hidden, banished as if Julian were the personality borne from torment and not the other way around. There was nothing Ian wouldn’t do for Lily. Whether it was helping with homework, or teaching her how to drive, or even running out to Grayson’s Tavern for doughnuts to satisfy her enormous sweet tooth.

There was also the small matter of committing genocide.

Sick bastard.

Ian had helped Lily protect Vickery Hill from all foes, real and imagined. Mostly imagined. He justified his interference through the town itself. Nestled alongside Lake Lanier, Vickery Hill presented itself as a typical southern community—one stoplight, two schools, three gas stations, and enough temples to satisfy five counties.

Except no one ever came to worship outside of Vickery Hill. How could they when Vickery Hill didn’t even exist in the human world?

Is that why Lily ran? She wanted to be somewhere real?

Once upon a time there were twelve families borne from Pureblood and human lineage. Enhanced genetics ensured these descendents could reign unchallenged over their human brethren. Eventually, greed, cruelty, and hubris made the twelve families too dangerous to run unchallenged. Nephilim, the supreme government all were subject to obey, imprisoned them for crimes against humanity.

Snatched from different centuries, shackled to a tiny piece of earth, stripped of their names and most of their unnatural abilities, the twelve families ceased to dominate the human world. Distant relatives were plucked from obscurity to take their places. The dynasties instantly lost prestige, prominence, and most importantly, power.

Vickery Hill was nothing more than an elegant prison.

However, blood had its way. Pureblooded ancestors couldn’t turn their backs on their descendants, even if Nephilim declared them forever off-limits. So the town became a perpetual family reunion spot.

Which then made the area a fucking beacon for all manners of unrelated angels, demons, demigods, and vampires. Something pulls them there. And I bet know what that something is…

In the past, a certain balance had been achieved between the undead and the imprisoned. The lower-level creatures kept to the woods and the others went down to Atlanta for entertainment. They paid their taxes, employed the younger residents to tend their lakeside retreats, and all existed as they had for years.

That is until Lily became the Resurrector.

From there chaos consumed Vickery Hill. It was as if Lily’s presence inspired violence and madness. The Resurrector was never really meant to fight—only to be a vessel for her governing Spirit. However, under Lily’s reign, murders, suicides, and disappearances on both sides weakened the unspoken peace all too quickly.

Secrets were one thing. Those could be protected. Anonymity. Guaranteed. Failure. Failure was an entirely different animal that needed to be put down.

Lily Walker had been failing. Badly.

So unbeknownst to her, Ian had performed a little population control. Despite physically and mentally disassociating from his line a century before, Ian had instinctually used Julian Douglas’ legacy as a Pureblood Ascendant to ban all vampires from stepping foot in Vickery Hill. Those who ignored his brazen warning were immediately destroyed.

Although he claimed it was all for Lily, I know better. He sensed that by killing them, he’d be killing off the darkness inside…killing me. And that’s not all he was trying to kill off…

Next to succubi and incubi, vampires were an extremely amorous lot. Lily was an extremely attractive girl. It was only natural she’d become forbidden fruit. They wanted a taste. So did Ian.

Ian wanted her in every way known to man or vampire but was too cowardly to do it.

Ian didn’t want others to touch her but he wouldn’t do it either. Ian had preferred the role of sexless companion. Prone to guilt for misdeeds—real and imagined—and still unknowingly broken from a year of torture one hundred fifty years prior, Ian had believed himself unworthy to taste such purity.

Lily had other plans.

She was a whore even as virgin. Good for her that in spite of her escapades she stayed…untouched… until I came for her.

After Lily’s failed artless seduction, Ian had been convinced his vampirism was an obstacle for happiness. He had reasoned it was their differences which would ultimately be their ruin. So Ian kept Lily at arms length until he had found a way out. Unfortunately, the rituals to restore Ian’s mortality had gone delightfully wrong. Instead of eradicating Ian’s vampiric nature, they had systematically destroyed every nauseating bit of the manufactured persona.

Conscience? Weakness? Good riddance.

Julian immediately took control not only through his esteemed name, but also in how he dealt with the girl who’d kept him on a leash. Their first true reunion had played out the way he suspected it would. Denial, tears, rage, and then lovely defeat. He could’ve left Vickery Hill afterwards, confident in knowing Lily Walker’s little heart had been broken.

But then where was his enchanting vengeance?

Instead, Julian had taken immense pleasure in tormenting Lily. He discreetly stalked her, openly mocked her, secretly fought her, publicly courted her, and even made time to cozen all the houses he had offended. Disorder invaded Vickery Hill and Lily was left to blame.

Lily was unstable, violent, paranoid—and only one hair away from being assassinated. Which did eventually happen via a Reaper named Acrymydion.

His face darkened with phantom pain. She had lied to him and nearly found herself at the bottom of the lake for it. Julian shook his head, in essence trying to fling away the emotions his thoughts had provoked. He clung to the self-righteous safety of his previous musings.

Her downfall had been too easy to orchestrate. I should’ve been bored by the simplicity…

The morbid correlation between a spiraling death rate and Julian’s presence had inspired Lily to keep close—despite direct orders from Nephilim to the contrary. She had watched him almost as much as he watched her. Night after night, she’d prowled in search for him and bitterly regretted it. Lily had been forced to watch him court another as well. She had seen his charm be spent on a tall, blond beauty—something she could never be. She had been left wondering if the feminine screams ringing from his home would ever be hers.

I didn’t want them to be. I didn’t want to want her.

Lily had been losing her mind. The citizens of Vickery Hill saw it. Her family knew it. Her Handler suffered it.

And so did he.

On the surface, he had experienced life like any other urbane, sophisticated vampire, but beneath his polished exterior, Julian Douglas was dying for his prey.

While a kill was always pleasurable, it was the battle with the Resurrector that had made his passions sing. The rough physical contact between them only whetted his appetite for Lily. He was able to throw, slap, punch, and kick her and not only had she taken it, she always came back for more.

To say Julian regarded violence as courtship was a vast understatement.

The memories of his wounds on her body, and hers on his, made Julian tremble with exquisite agony. Never more did he wish they both had the ability to scar. A hand absently brushed across his chest in memory of Lily’s last contact.

She almost killed me. I came close to doing the same to her only once. What would I have done if I hadn’t hesitated? What would be left of me without my darling girl?

Yes, Lily was his darling girl.

Now.

However, Julian’s original intentions for Lily weren’t always quite so affectionate. There was a powerful reason he hadn’t rejoiced in a single mortal death since losing his ridiculous conscience.

Lily Walker’s death had been the only one he wanted.

Julian had wanted her dead and he wanted her to suffer. And being the unbalanced, perverse creature he was Julian made sure she underwent much suffering.

I began to hate the game more than Lily. Not because of guilt, but because my every thought belonged to her. The more I hated, the more she consumed me.

Julian’s torments varied and were by no means confined to the physical pains of their nightly matches. Bruises and fractured limbs hadn’t been enough. Lily could take the pain of the body—it was her heart that was vulnerable.

Especially to him.

Lily had loved Ian with every fiber of her adolescent being, yet she couldn't dismiss her real connection with him. How Julian had reveled in it! Her misery was his ambrosia. Every wince, every tear, every sob—all for him.

The thought of her tears still makes me hard.

Lily had wanted him to be so much like Ian, the ghost she had loved and lost. She despised herself for being drawn to him, Julian, the one she supposedly hated.

Hate. What a fickle and undeniably perverse emotion. Definitely my favorite. Second to lust that is.

In turn, Julian’s intent had changed quickly. He’d found himself obsessed with more than her death. He had needed to taint Lily, desecrate her love until it became ugly.

Twisted.

I still do. I can’t help myself. I won’t help myself.

Therefore, Julian had begun wooing Lily secretly. His fists touched her with the promise of a different kind of death. He plied her with gifts, time, and blood. Lily had resisted, innocently drawing out the game until Julian was in danger of losing what little sanity he had left. Then it had happened.

She’d finally submitted.

Even now he wasn’t sure why. Granted, he had implied harm to what few family she had, but he still didn’t believe his threats were enough. The reason didn’t matter to Julian. He had won. He had fucked Lily. He had fucked Lily and she’d loved it.

So did he.

Their night had been incredible. So incredible Julian hadn’t wanted to acknowledge how powerful Lily’s hold over him had become.

I fought so hard just so she couldn’t see it. I had to destroy her pride so she’d never know that one night wasn’t enough.

Julian remembered how he’d painstakingly begun to break Lily’s will. He had started entering her home in no set pattern. Sometimes he’d appear in her bedroom and wait. Other times he’d use the front door and sit in the quaint living room with her too-trusting mother, chatting about how Lily and he had successfully mended their differences.

Just thinking about her reaction to finding him there brought a twinkle to his blue eyes. Lily had tried to bluff that she felt no fear or anxiety over his presence in her home. She never fooled him. Lily’s fear manifested itself in many fashions that were simple for a creature such as himself to detect.

It was the way she fidgeted while sitting on the sofa. Or how she had covertly watched him, her life’s blood accelerating through her body, singing a tune of fear. And how Lily’s little throat would rasp out his name as he pressed her down onto his cock while her mother watched.

It didn’t matter that Rachel couldn’t really see what was happening. Lily wanted to die of humiliation. But she still managed to come…

Lily had been wise to be wary of him.

Occasionally, every monstrous impulse of Julian’s demanded he drain the blood out of her. After all, she was food and he a vampire. What else could they really be? Friends, allies, lovers?

Something inside him rebelled.

Lovers. We were always lovers.

Just as it was now, Julian’s obsessive lust had dominated his instincts, keeping Lily safe for more of his dangerous affection. She belonged to him and he couldn’t walk away.

I still can’t walk away.

Julian knew his sin. Two years before he’d carefully laid the groundwork for Lily’s seduction. It had worked but then he got greedy. He had wanted everything she had to offer. Her submission, her blind desire, and most importantly—her love. And not the kind of adoration she carried for Ian.

He craved a different species of love, one completely lacking morality.

Julian’s lids swept down, hiding his regret.

Her sweetness couldn’t touch me because I’m so fucked in the head. I only understand this kind of passion…and I’m never satisfied when I get it. If I had a heart I'd leave her to her new life, but I can’t because I’m a selfish bastard.

In time, Julian’s plans became realized. Lily Walker became his slave. The inner torment she underwent had been pure sweetness for Julian. Even now he could never get enough of her delectable emotions. Just remembering every lustful, passionate moment between them made Julian so hard it bordered on pain.

Pain.

A wicked grin twisted his sensuous lips, banishing all softer sentiments. He had taught Lily numerous things, including to crave the pain almost, if not more, than the pleasure. She lived for his approval and was dying each day for his love.

Lily became perfect for me. It still wasn’t enough.

In three centuries of life, Julian had never encountered anyone who could fulfill his every dark, warped desire. An unrecognizable cinder flamed inside him when she was near. Her smiles made him euphoric even as he did his best to banish them. Her laughter chased away his past, vanquishing the demons just long enough to let Julian remember what life could be without madness.

Did he cherish her? No.

Instead, he punished her for letting him mold her into the ideal concubine. The more he broke her, the sicker he became. The sicker he became, the more power he attained, until his dominance went unchallenged by nearly all.

However, a small slip of a girl managed to destroy him in the end.

I lost everything—my power, my pride, my control. Yet, here I am lurking in the shadows, like a pathetic stalker. Nothing’s changed.

In Julian’s brilliant quest to enslave her, he hadn’t counted on the effect of Lily’s innocent submission. She made him her slave. The more he needed her, the more he hated her. The more he hated her, the more he needed her. It was a morose cycle, even by his standards.

And that’s why everything started going to hell.

When Julian had invited vampires back into Vickery Hill, he had made the mistake of rekindling his violent past. Just the memory made his grit his teeth with impotent rage.

Vivian, my former consort and that fop Phillip. I should’ve gutted him when I had the chance.

Obsession had a way of clouding even the best murderous intent. Initially, Vivian and Phillip had been invited to make Lily’s world brutally complicated. A reminder of his life before her; something to dig in as deeply as her ignorance of his existence dug into him. It worked for some time. Vivian’s ethereal beauty, outmatched only by Phillip’s exquisite doll-like features, had set Lily insecurities aflame. In turn, Phillip’s viciousness had kept her worn, tired, and oh-so-vulnerable to Julian’s machinations.

However, when a vampire involves his house, things no longer remain private for lovers.

Julian had thought once he had Lily, his obsession for her would fade, eventually to disappear. Then he’d come in for the inevitable kill. Julian’s lust would be satisfied and he wouldn’t be in betrayal of his kind. Again.

It was perfect.

The problem came when he didn’t want to see Lily lying dead at his feet anymore. Caught between Phillip’s scheming and Lily’s vulnerability, Julian had found himself stretched between duty and desire. Lies became his creed while recklessness ruled his decisions. Eventually, even that was taken from him.

It was either Lily or them. There was no choice.

Faced with losing his precious girl or his rebuilt kingdom, Julian had made a decision—one he could never erase or deny.

He became Ian. He’d committed the unpardonable crime of destroying his own kind to save Lily.

Now I’m hunted like a rabid dog. There’s nowhere I can go, nowhere I can hide where I don’t have to fight for my life.

Did Lily ever recognize the worth of his sacrifice? No. His faithless bitch ran that same night. She left Vickery Hill and didn’t look back.

And here we are now.

He moved through the crowd, dismissing the creatures around him as insignificant piles of meat. Julian’s fevered gaze never left sight of Lily. Hidden behind a pillar, he watched his treasure dance with false abandon. Julian knew, with one glance, his innocent girl was gone. Now she looked like any other broken toy. Even so, Lily still had the power to enchant and disturb him in equal measures.

Counterfeit happiness made her ebony gaze glitter with apathy. Lily’s lids were half-closed, her red mouth a soft mimicry of joy. However, the hollows etched beneath tired eyes made an already delicate face impossibly haunting. She raised her arms. The pallor rivaled his—completely different from the dusky skin of before.

Lily leaned her head back. Dark hair skimmed a thinner waist. Julian studied her body, seeing how fragile she was compared to his last memories. He didn’t like it.

She’s lost too much weight. She looks sick.

Julian’s worry turned to something far more comfortable.

Too damned sick to be out here shaking her ass in this dump. If I had known where she was going, I would’ve taken her and force-fed her before I beat her within an inch of her life.

Julian had followed Lily to this club from a nondescript apartment building an hour earlier. Although he’d tracked a questionable lead placing her in the area, he hadn’t really expected to find Lily in this city. It was sheer chance he even saw her leave.

If I’d been five minutes too late…

At first, he couldn’t believe he’d finally found Lily. However, Julian didn’t doubt the way his body reacted. He’d been incomplete all this time without her. He felt whole upon seeing Lily. Julian’s primal urges recognized her as his. Several times temptation to seize her off the streets beat at him, but each time he forced his impulses down. There was too high of a chance she could elude him.

Julian had always preached to Lily about the virtues of patience. Now he was required to put them in practice. He’d wait until she went home. Just like before.

His arctic gaze narrowed. The young man dancing with Lily grabbed her hips and pulled her close. Pure menace radiated from Julian, causing several women who were approaching him to scatter away. From the way Lily’s body tensed, it seemed she also sensed danger.

Good.

An evil look of satisfaction transformed his face to one of unholy beauty. Lily had every reason in the world to feel fear. He hoped she lived and breathed in fear.

Of him.

Of the night when her time of existing without him ended.

Julian’s eyes followed Lily’s hasty exit out of the club. Satisfaction filled his cold heart with its special warmth. Strolling through the crowd, Julian felt a twinge. He firmly ignored it. He had a different thirst to slake with Lily. After all, it had taken him two years to find her. Why hold off the joyful reunion any longer than necessary?

Reaching outside, Julian saw Lily in a cab a mile up the road.

Enjoy this time while you can, darling, because it’s your last moments alone.

And just like that, he melted into the night.

And, unbeknownst to Lily, back into her life.

Next Chapter

CHAPTER TWO

Silent Damnation

Once again, Lily felt wariness creep over her skin. Something screamed for her to leave, to run, to get the hell out of there or else she’d be sorry.

Ridiculous.

Sorry? What was sorry to Lily anymore? She lived with sorry every second of her existence. It was in the air she breathed, the food she ate, and the dreams she didn’t dream anymore.

So instead of listening to her instincts, Lily continued to dance. She raised her arms and let her head lean back as she mindlessly followed the music. It filled Lily’s body, becoming one with every beat in her heart. All feelings of danger melted away as she succumbed to the empty ecstasy found only in a dance club.

Lily’s partner pulled her close to his body until they were molded hip to hip, thigh to thigh. She could feel his cock but didn’t care. When the night ended Lily would be going home alone and he’d probably find someone else agreeable for an hour of meaningless sex.

Sex is definitely not what I’m looking for.

Lily had tried to lose herself in it once. The naked press of sweaty flesh had felt wrong. The warm breath panting in her ear had made Lily want to retch. After the apologies, yells, and obligatory promises, she had wallowed in guilt. Not for the young man who had been more than a friend, but less than a lover, but for the one who had never truly been both.

How can I ever allow someone else to touch me after being with Julian? God knows how much I fucked up my life after falling in with that bastard.

Lily’s thoughts shied away from him. They returned to the present—the dance club, the flashing lights, and the frenetic crowd crushed against her. She could think about Julian later, when she was alone.

Hungry, wanting, and dying a little more each day without him.

All pleasure disintegrated. Lily had to get out and do what she did best—run away. Pushing away from the nameless guy, she gave him a sorrowful smile, a small wave, and headed towards the exit. Just as Lily reached the large iron door, she felt a wave of uneasiness rush over her again. Whipping around to scan the crowd, Lily saw what she always saw.

Nothing.

What else did you expect?

She turned back to the door and flung it open. The crisp Montreal air iced the sweat on her body. This normal reaction to temperature reminded Lily of whom she’d been and all that had been lost.

I’m nobody now. Not a Resurrector, not a lover. I can even say my true name and I don’t even want to. It all means nothing.

Lily raised an arm to signal a waiting cab. Giving her address, she settled her thin frame back on the cracked leather seat. The familiar smell of cigarette smoke made Lily look at the empty space beside her. Azure eyes sparkling somewhere between lust and madness, wicked lips lifted in their perpetual smirk, long, pale fingers tenderly caressing a shaft of nicotine—all dressed in black. He exhaled a long plume of smoke before winking at her impudently. The image, scripted from Lily’s conflicted memories, trembled before vanishing.

“Sorry about the pothole. Didn’t see that one in the dark.”

“No, it’s okay. Thanks though.”

Thanks for reminding me he’s just a ghost now. Just like Ian. Neither of them were ever real.

Lily turned her shoulder, studiously avoiding the lonely seat beside her. Instead, she thought about her earlier reactions that night. Panic still fluttered in the corners of Lily mind. She hadn’t suffered this kind of fear in over a year. Why now?

Maybe he’s found you.

Not likely.

A small, perverse part of her felt disappointment instead of comfort in that assumption. Julian was probably feasting from some other young body—literally and sexually. He wouldn’t be wasting his time with finding her.

But I tried to kill him, Vivian, and Phillip. I nearly wiped out his entire house. I left him broken, screaming my name…maybe he wants to pay me back?

Lily mentally scattered. Granted, revenge was a powerful reason to track her down, but what would be the point? Julian had already proved his dominance. All of Vickery Hill knew of her disgrace—her family, her Handler. Everyone. She could never go back.

She was already dead.

Lily stared out the window. The passing nighttime scenery of neon lights, clubbers, hookers, pimps, and johns reflected in her gaze. Lily closed her eyes, unable to see what had become her concrete reality. Instead, she remembered the madness and desperation that possessed her that last night in Vickery Hill. Witnessing Julian’s debauchery, his true contempt for the love she gave him, had broken her reason.

Lily felt ashamed. Even if the town would have rejected, imprisoned, or killed her, how could she just leave? How could she do that without explanation to anyone that mattered? Lily could only guess at what Jonathon, Cricket, and Robbie thought when she never showed up the next morning. Despite her promises, Lily didn’t have the courage to face them again.

I shouldn’t have disappeared. I know it now and I knew it then. Hell, I shouldn’t even been allowed to. The wards surrounding the town failed and there’s only one reason why—I was turned out. Turned out with a big wad of cash. Released into the real world just to die. It’s what I deserve after what I’ve done. Unforgivable.

A quick distant childhood memory of her mother flashed in her mind. Lily blinked back tears. Her selfishness knew no bounds and her shame no end when she thought of her mother. How could she have just left?

Lily hunched further down in the seat. She didn’t want to imagine what Rachel Walker must’ve gone through when her daughter never came home. Gone through? No. What she was still going through.

She probably thinks I’m dead. She knows I lied to her for months. She trusted me and I made a fool out of her. No, worse. She has to carry the shame…the blame…of what I did. She didn’t deserve her daughter to be nothing but psychotic trash.

Better she go missing than drag the people she loved through her mess. Lily couldn’t put them through her self-inflicted hell again. She was going to be stronger than that.

Even if it meant never seeing them again.

How strong was it to walk away from your family, Lily? To leave them behind, knowing they’ll be imprisoned forever? How strong was it to run away without even leaving a note? Face it—you ran because of him. From him. And that’s not all you were running from…what you’re still running from. Pathetic coward. You deserve to be alone.

Lily acknowledged only part of her thoughts. She did run from Julian. She ran from her enslavement. She ran from their twisted relationship. She ran from her perverted love.

You knew from the beginning Julian was nothing but a vampire prick. You knew that he’d only use and abuse you for his own sadistic pleasures! If you could go back, you’d do it all over again. The lies, the manipulations—all of it. That’s what makes you sick.

And there’s no cure for your kind of disease.

Lily angrily wiped her eyes and nose. There was no point in crying. She’d made her decision two years ago. Now all she had to do was take each night for what it was—another day in permanent exile.

The cab came to a stop in front of the building Lily called home. Reaching into her pocket, she pulled out a couple of wrinkled bills and handed them over to the driver. Lily sprang out of the cab, minus her change, and trudged away. She came to a jarring halt.

What is that?

The wilted plant by the doors beckoned. It hadn’t been there when she left. Lily stood still, staring down at the life begging for her touch. The winter was far too cold to expect it to survive. Lily slowly reached out. A faint stirring warmed her fingers. She shouldn’t be doing this. She’d lost the right to use the privilege her blood carried when she ran away.

Instinct persevered.

It can’t hurt to do it.

The sad botanical posture transformed to vitality within seconds. Her fingers whipped away, instantly dissipating the green glow surrounding the plant.

I guess it’s still nice to do something good.

Lily carried the rescue inside and deposited it by Management's office door. She shook off the irrational feelings of abandonment.

It's not even my plant. I saved its life. I did a good thing.

Lily took one deliberate step after another. She stopped five paces away and let out a small sigh. She walked back to the little pot and scooped it up; thankful no one could see her display of sentimental bullshit.

Come on, roomie.

An empty foyer gave way to an empty elevator, which in turn became an emptier studio apartment. Lily shut the door with her foot and massaged the side of her neck.

Julian would've teased me to the point of punching his mouth over that plant. Ugh…why the hell do I keep thinking about that bastard?

Wetness dripped onto Lily’s hand. She touched her face.

Tears.

Why can’t I let him go? Somebody…anybody…please make it stop.

Lily knew she couldn’t continue like this. She already spent countless hours of the day yearning for Julian, alternately loving and loathing him. She couldn’t sleep, she barely ate, and she saw Julian in every shadow. Every step behind her promised heaven, but when Lily turned around and saw nothing, she only had hell.

I’m always waiting for him. Waiting for him to make it right. Waiting for the impossible…waiting just so I can run again.

Lily let out a watery sigh. She really didn’t need some introspective montage about her masochistic tendencies. She did need a shower. Long and extremely hot. Afterwards, she’d sleep or at least try to until she fell unconscious from sheer exhaustion.

Lily set the plant onto the small kitchen bar. Haphazardly shedding her clothes all the way to the bathroom, Lily felt a frisson of fear course through her once again. She paused in mid-walk. Tense and alert, she waited for feeling to return. Five minutes into her vigil, Lily began to laugh.

There was nothing out there for her.

“You’re definitely losing it, Lily. Isolation, paranoia, and lack of sleep have that effect. So does talking to oneself all the time…attempt to be somewhat normal.”

With that wry pep talk, she went into the tiny bathroom and started her shower. Lily stood under the nozzle for several minutes when the familiar pounding began. She stood there for another minute hoping the noise would go away.

Unfortunately, Lily wasn’t that lucky.

She turned the knobs off in resignation. Every weekend without fail Clarisse, who lived down the hall, brought home some young stud. In the process of getting off, Clarisse would deadbolt her roommate Kerrie out so she could screw in peace.

Yeah, but what about my peace?

Wrapping a towel around her body and one around her hair, Lily went to the door, unlocked it, and cracked it open. She turned back to finish her shower.

“Come on in, Kerrie! Sorry to keep you waiting so long but I was in the shower.”

Lily was almost to the bathroom when the potent smell of smoke and obsession slid in like a serpent.

She froze as every instinct screamed a dire warning. Numbness spread through her body, rooting her to the floor. Afraid to be right, terrified to be wrong, Lily turned around slowly.

He was here. Standing inside her home, looking so darkly beautiful, he was here.

Julian studied her shock and smelled her fear. He smiled and sauntered over to his found pet. Stopping when only mere inches separated them, he whispered, “Hello, darling. Thank you for your rushed welcome. Manners aside, it truly saved us both a lot of time. Time, I’m sure you’ll agree would much be better served in other ways.”

He trailed his hand over her jaw. Julian looked into her eyes and smiled wider.

“Know this—I adore you, my darling, darling girl.”

Before she could utter a reply, Julian closed his hand and gripped her chin. He ignored Lily’s hiss of pain with a cruel smirk.

“I adore you to death.”

CHAPTER THREE

Repossession of a Soul

“Julian...”

“That’s right, darling. It’s me, Julian. Your Julian.”

“You can’t be here. Why—”

Julian brushed his lips over hers, stopping Lily’s disjointed flow of words. Ever so slowly, his tongue coaxed hers to accept him—despite the harsh fingers digging to her soft skin. Lily leaned into Julian, mewling in a heady mixture of fear and excitement.

“You were out there,” she sighed between kisses. “In the club.”

Julian released her chin. His caresses grew feverish, constant with the passion of longing.

“Weren’t you?”

He removed the towel covering her hair. “Yes.” He slid his hands through the wet, dark strands. “I saw you, but you didn’t see me.”

“No, but I felt you.” Lily’s mouth opened into a perfect circle when Julian nipped her neck. “Is this an accident?”

“No.”

“Did you stop looking—”

“Never.” His gaze glittered electric blue as he repeated the word again. “Never.”

Lily’s fingers crept out and touched his smooth cheek. This time it was Julian who moaned piteously.

“I never stopped looking either. I never stopped looking back, hoping to see you there.”

His gentle ministrations suddenly turned harsh. Fisting his hands, Julian pulled Lily’s head away. He ignored her garbled cry. “Don’t ever use this mouth to lie to me, darling. You showed your unique contempt for me all too clearly. Don’t insult me further.”

“As did you.” She watched as he brought his exquisite face closer. It tightened with supreme displeasure. She refused to cower. “I loved you and it meant nothing. Don’t judge me for getting tired of my pain.”

“Nothing? It meant everything!” Julian shouted. His lips tightened as he swallowed the rage clamoring for release. “It meant everything then and everything now. As far as your pain goes…”

He tightened his fingers. Julian’s assessing stare caught the imperceptible wince marking her defiant gaze.

“Forgive me, my darling. It slipped my mind that you no longer have the remarkable stamina of a Resurrector.” Julian tilted her head back. His lips and teeth worshipped the slim column, paying special attention to the area between neck and shoulder. “Now you’re just a poor, defenseless, dirty, human doll.”

“I warned you already, Julian,” Lily whispered. “Don’t underestimate me.”

“Advice I kindly give you in turn.”

“You’re never kind.” The white ceiling held false attraction. “Just as I’m never more than a toy to you.”

“And you belong to me, darling doll.” He laved her skin with his cool tongue. “Don’t you remember the words I told you?”

“I do.” Lily’s eyes grew heavy with memory. Her voice rasped with anger and regret. “You’d break me before you let me go.”

“Those would be the ones.”

“It’s too late. You already did.”

Julian bit hard. His words dripped with consolation. “No, I didn’t. You’d be dead if I did.”

Lily’s deepest fear stirred. “Is that why you’re here?”

Julian stopped his tender ministrations. He looked into her shadowed eyes and smiled. “Did I ever tell you that you talk too much?”

“Yes.”

“I missed it. Please continue.”

And he never answered me.

Julian’s words inspired a complicated web around Lily—one she had fallen into time and time again. Complacent terror vied with more carnal emotions. Lily’s breasts felt full and heavy, her stomach tight with tension, her limbs weak, and she throbbed everywhere.

Most especially between her legs.

Lily could feel herself growing wet, aching to have Julian inside her. How could she want him though? Even knowing all they had become, how could she still want him so desperately?

Because you enjoy the game he plays. Pain first, ecstasy later. Nothing’s changed. It’s as if you never left. You want to play it again.

Lily felt a plea rise up out of her.

I can’t. It doesn’t matter how much we want to go back—we can never change what’s been done. I can’t change who I am now.

This wasn’t right. Being with him wasn’t right. It never had been. The old cloak of submission was sliding over her as if the two year separation had been only two minutes. And what’s more, Lily was the one rushing to put it on.

“It’ll never be the same. You can’t make it that way and I can’t keep trying.”

“What?” Obviously enchanted with the rush of tasting her shoulder again, the vampire didn’t foresee what would happen next.

Lily pushed Julian away. Surprise blessed her when Julian stumbled and fell. Not giving him a chance to recover, Lily savagely kicked him in his midsection. She then picked up her towel and ran.

I gotta make it to the door! He’ll never expose himself if there are others to see him.

Lily only made it a few steps before Julian tackled her to the ground. He flipped her over only to feel her nails rake his cheek. His eyes flashed gold before settling back to azure.

“All right, darling. Rough it is.”

“Let me go!” She bucked against him. Desperation ruled Lily’s reason, belatedly remembering she no longer had the strength to make Julian bend to her will. “Get off me!”

“No.” He scooped her up, ignoring a tangle of kicks and hits, and headed towards the bed. “I like the posts, Lily. The bed is quite flea market but it’s not as if I can expect more from you. I’ll have to make sure we put it to marvelous use.” He tossed her down and turned away. Preternatural speed brought Julian back with a discarded towel before Lily had a chance to scramble to freedom. He shredded the towel into strips and methodically tied Lily down.

“You can’t do this!”

“You’re wrong. I can do whatever I want. I can remake our world and I can remake you. Not because I want to, but because you won’t let me be anything other than a dirty demon.”

The words tore through her panic. Fatalism took Lily by the hand and led her to her doom.

You’ve created this monster—just as he created you. Now it’s time to join him in the dark. Maybe if you do, it’ll be over. No more fear. No more nightmares. No more ghosts.

“You’re right.”

Her calmness set his nerves on edge. “You’re agreeing with me?”

“Yes.”

He shook his head once. “Since when?”

“Since I let you in two years ago.”

Julian considered her words before smiling rakishly. “Behold my lady—submissive as viper. Where’s your lie?”

“No lie.” Lily’s tone dripped with baby softness. “I killed off most of your house. I nearly killed you. I set your home on fire. I left you. I humiliated you almost as badly as you humiliated me. Don’t draw this out.”

Understanding skimmed his expression. He kissed her lips once. “You’re absolutely right, my love. Business first always, eh?”

“It’s how you taught me.”

“So I did.”

“It’s also how I’ll make you pay.”

“So you’ll try.” Julian’s smile died. “Shall we play our respective parts?”

“Please.”

Regret dipped his shoulders once before familiar dysfunction took its place. He instantly struck. Wrapping his hand around her neck, Julian snarled, “You bitch! I should kill you! How dare you think that you can just up and leave? You think everything between us would be over? That is what you thought, isn’t it? Isn’t it?”

Taking her cue, Lily spit in his face. “I needed it to be over! I couldn’t take being your toy! I couldn’t take being whatever it was that you wanted! I couldn’t take not having the strength to stand up to you! I hated losing my dignity to you! I hated seeing and knowing that I wasn’t the only one...” Lily abruptly stopped. She glared at him behind a sheen of angry tears.

“The only one?” Julian let go and stood by the bed, never letting her leave his sight. “So that’s, forgive my choice of words here, the heart of the matter isn’t it, Lily? Not the other rubbish you were spouting but my lack of fidelity. Imagine that! Even knowing about the nature of Pureblood vampires, you still expected faithfulness from one.”

Hearing his mocking scorn, Lily shook from the murderous passion running through her. “I expected you to be a better man.”

“No, you expected me to be Ian.”

“I expected you to be faithful!”

“Why ever would you think such a thing? We weren’t married and were barely dating. As far as anyone knew, you were the deranged Resurrector stalking me and I was the gracious vampire handling you with kid gloves. Besides, I never promised you fidelity, Lily.” As soon as the words left his lips, Julian knew he had just broken one of his creeds.

He just lied.

“You swore you saw only me.” Her raspy voice quaked. “You swore it, Julian.”

“I did.”

“LIAR!”

“It’s a dead issue, Lily! Besides, you know we were set up by that pious, bureaucratic, useless, outdated governmental party—”

“Set up? If you had any honor there would’ve been nothing to set you up with! But Nephilim knew you very well, didn’t they? Put the bait out and good old Lord Douglas will come out with tail wagging. All it took for you was a room full of naked girls and you were right there. Like always.”

“Don’t blame me for Vickery Hill.”

“Who else is there?” Lily exploded. “I’m an exile because of you! I’m not a Resurrector anymore because of you!”

“Wrong! You’re not a Resurrector anymore because you were never meant to be one!” Julian saw how quickly his words ripped open Lily’s private wound. Something akin to pity pricked him. He gentled his tone. “Come on, darling. You never wanted the job. You couldn’t stand living there. You know, as well as I, that you’d be lying at the bottom of that lake by now if you were still the Resurrector.”

Lily shook her head. “Not true. You don’t know that.”

“It is true! How many times would it have taken, Lily? How many times did you have to die to understand that guilt is useless?”

She swallowed hard but the volatile emotions still made her voice warble. “You have no idea what I’m walking around with, Julian. You can’t even begin to understand. You don’t even know what I’ve done, do you?”

“I don’t want to know. I don’t care.” His viciousness made Lily gasp. “I never cared about your life outside of me, darling. It was always my intent to take you out of there. One way is as good as another.”

“Even if I got branded a murderer?”

“Hardly a surprise.”

“Even if I got branded a whore?”

“Even better.” He flashed a lupine grin. “I’ve always been partial to whores.”

“I know. Too bad for you I wasn’t willing to be with one.”

Julian dipped his head. His hair fell in a messy sprawl. “I’m not a whore, darling—just a man.”

“One in the same. Do you really think it doesn’t matter? I told you before. I’d do anything, be anything for you, but there’s one thing I’d never do.”

“Why hold me to a standard that doesn’t exist?”

“It does.”

“How would you know?” he asked slyly, hatefully. “You never saw it at home. Daddy never could live up to you and Mommy’s expectations, could he? That’s why he flew the coop.”

“You’re not my fucking father.” Her remote voice belonged to that of a disinterested stranger. “I saw my mother die each time he came home smelling like his latest whore. It wouldn’t have hurt nearly as much if he had beaten her instead of screwing around on her. I swore I’d never be like my momma. Now look at me.”

Julian lost some of his obnoxious swagger. “They never mattered, Lily. It wasn’t even about them.”

“Them? Why don’t we call them what they are? Nicole, Vivian, Cynthia, and all the ones whose name you don’t even know. They were your lovers.”

“Wrong! You were my only lover.”

“You fucked them, Julian. You put your fucking cock inside them. I even watched you do it. That makes them your lovers and that makes me an idiot for not killing you when I had the chance!”

He loathed her cursing. Two years hadn’t changed that at all. However, it wasn’t the optimum moment to discuss her language. “Women and their debatable notions of fidelity.” Julian plopped down on a nearby chair. He dropped his head in his hands. “Lily, I cannot ask you to understand something I don’t understand myself. Suffice it to say that I truly regret those events.”

“Events?”

He conceded to the venom in her voice. “Affairs.”

“Betrayals.”

“Only to your vanity,” he swore with one hand across his heart. “You always had my loyalty.”

“I didn’t have your loyalty. I had some kind of obsession but never your loyalty.”

Julian peered at her through his disheveled hair. “Which is by far a singular compliment to your person.”

“Quit speaking to me like an old man!” she snapped, finally showing some liveliness. “You’re not a British lord anymore and you haven’t been for almost two hundred years.”

Julian’s crisp, cultured accent faded into warmth. “I missed you.”

Lily looked away.

Encouraged by her silence, he confessed, “I adore you, darling. I know I hurt you. I can see it now when I couldn’t see it then. I want you back, Lily. I want you happy.”

She caught him with her stare. Greed gleamed like honeyed poison, tempting Julian lean forward, just to see if it was possible to glimpse the girl he once knew. “Will you give me anything I want, Julian?”

“Anything.”

“Money?”

Julian tilted his head. He assessed the sincerity of her question. “If that’s what makes you happy now, then yes.” A measure of disbelief narrowed his gaze. “How much?”

“I’m not talking terms. Tell me what else you’d give me.”

“Name your price.”

“No! Tell me what you would give me.”

Silence crept forth, lengthening its stay and distancing the two even further.

“You don’t even know, do you? Happiness. You still can’t recognize it. All you can do is destroy it.” She laughed once. “I’m stupid, Julian, but I’m not that stupid. You don’t mean a word you just said.”

“That’s not true!”

“Two years ago we both watched Nicole die because she fell in love with you. What kind of people does that make us, Julian?”

“Us. We are what we are, Lily.”

“Do you know how much guilt I still carry because of it?”

“She didn’t matter, Lily. Nicole was only a tool.”

“Yeah, I know now what kind of tool she was, Julian. One to keep me in line, to keep me on my toes.” Lily’s mocking smile oozed with self-contempt. “We will both burn in hell for that one.”

“Lily—”

“Later you begged me to forgive you for Vivian only to keep me from killing you. So what are you after now? I can’t stab or shoot you like I used to, so what is it?”

Julian’s eyes hardened. “Bitch.” He tossed back his hair, smoothing it over his neck with a negligent hand. “Fine. I always did wonder if you were smarter than you appear.”

“Out with it.”

Julian crossed his arms over his chest and pretended to ponder her order. Arching his brows, he smirked at the naked vulnerability he saw behind Lily’s anger. “What did you want to know, my sweet?”

Lily let out a low hiss of air. “Why are you here?”

“To take you back.”

“Back to where?”

“To wherever I feel.” He bit his lip with avarice. “As I’ve told you before, I’m an extremely greedy creature. I never let go of my possessions.”

“Including women.”

“Especially women.”

Lily swallowed a flow of venomous, hurt-filled words. She broke with the rules of their game and issued her challenge.

“Okay. You’re right. How can one woman ever be enough for you?”

Julian crossed his legs, patiently waiting for her to finish having her say.

“You don’t need me. You need closure.”

He arched a brow in supercilious humor. “Closure?”

“Yes. I’m sure you’ve heard of it before. You needed to know why I left and I needed to know that you’re still a dick and always will be. So do us both a favor and get the hell out of here. After all, I’d hate to deprive the world of its all-time favorite lover.” She jerked her chin towards the door. “Leave. Now.”

Julian’s smirk disappeared. He stalked over to Lily. His lips hung over hers. “Not likely, darling. First, I’m going to show you what I do to pretty little girls that leave before I’m finished with them.”

Knowing she’d never evade Julian, Lily didn’t bother to struggle against her bonds. However, she gritted her teeth and hissed, “Show me and die. I do what I damn well want. You’re not just going to walk into my life again after two years and tell me what to do!”

“Need I remind you that you left me?! I’m not walking back into anything that I walked out of! You are mine, Lily, now and until the end of time. Mine.”

Female fury made Lily buck against him. She slammed her head against his chin and howled with pain.

“No! Never again! I will never be that broken girl again! I turned myself inside and out for you, Julian! I might as well have cut out my heart and given it to you! And what did you do with it? You threw it away!”

“Yes!” Julian laid full length on top of Lily. He wrapped his arms about her slender waist and buried his lips in her hair. “Yes, I did! I took your heart and put it in a little cage. I looked at it, reveling in the sin that it belonged to me. But I didn’t care for it. I let it grow wings and fly away. So let me devour it this time. Let me consume it…and you. I swear it’ll be different.”

Lily sagged in his hold. The blinding rage burned into ashes, threatening to disintegrate her completely.

“All I can think about is you with those other women…doing to them what you did to me…it’s like I was garbage. I trusted you. I believed in you, despite who and what you were. Jesus, Julian! You lied to me for six weeks. You made a fool out of me.”

His face reflected her haunting sadness. “Forgive me, Lily.”

“I can’t!”

The wretched finality in her voice woke the wounded beast in his. He wrenched away from her. “What about you, Lily? You swore you'd never leave me! You promised to love me forever!”

“I kept my promise!”

“Liar! You’re pushing me away! Now and then! You’ve never really wanted me. You’ve only wanted Ian. Julian doesn’t matter to you. It doesn’t matter that Ian was a liar who never showed you his true face. You've saved all your love for Ian and left none for me.”

Lily shook her head wildly. “That’s not true! It was you who could never let go of the past! Ian, Julian, you’re one in the same!”

Continue reading this ebook at Smashwords.
Purchase this book or download sample versions for your ebook reader.
(Pages 1-33 show above.)