Faewolf 163
Faewolf
by D.M. Atkins
and
Chris Taylor
Circlet Press, Inc.
Cambridge, MA
To my beloved husbands, Troy and Lon.
Your love continues to inspire me every day.
DMA
Copyright Information:
Faewolf
by D. M. Atkins and Chris Taylor
Published by Circlet Press, Inc.
Copyright © 2009 by D. M. Atkins and Chris Taylor
All Rights Reserved
Cover art and design by Ponderosa
Copyright © 2009 by Ponderosa
Smashwords Edition
This electronic version was lovingly hand-prepared in-house at Circlet Press, and then converted into various ebook formats via the Smashwords "Meatgrinder." Please report any problems you find with the ebook to us at "circletintern@gmail.com" or by visiting the Bug Report section of our web site (www.circlet.com). We'd also love to hear if you enjoyed the book!
License Notes
Please do not support online piracy of copyrighted works. This ebook is licensed for the personal enjoyment of the purchaser only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each person you share it with. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, or if you received this ebook copied from a friend or by other means, please support the writers who made it possible by purchasing a copy yourself from Smashwords.com or one of the publisher's other retail partners. Thank you for your support.
Circlet Press, Inc.
39 Hurlbut St.
Cambridge, MA 02138
www.circlet.com
Prologue
Saoi was a lone wolf.
Humans seemed to think that was sexy. It implied independence and daring and all kinds of alluring things to them.
That wasn’t the way the wolves saw it. His elders had taught him that a lone wolf was barely still a wolf. Without a mate, his pack, and the clan, a wolf would soon forget what it meant to be a wolf.
To be a wolf was to be a creature of not just field and forest, but of kin and family. Each wolf was devoted to the others of his pack. Hunting together was a combination of different strengths and efforts, with some wolves tracking, some faster and hounding, and other, stronger wolves breaking bones and making the kill. A lone wolf could kill only the smallest and weakest of prey. A lone wolf usually went hungry. A pack could feed and then return to rest in warm groups of fur and body heat in dens that had been used for generations. A lone wolf huddled under brambles, subject to the whims of weather. A pack was full of play and games--affectionate nips, games of tag, wrestling and rolling around. It was a family with pups who squealed and climbed over everyone in the pack, making life feel lighter and warmer. In the pack, every scent had an origin and a name--the smell and taste and sight of every member was intimately known, immediately recognized.
If tragedy struck and a wolf lost his pack--these days that usually meant to the guns of humans--then he sought out a new one. Either he joined an existing one, even if it meant a loss in status, or he found a mate and started a new one. Only when there was no other choice did a wolf remain alone. It was said that if a wolf was alone too long, he stopped being a wolf; that he lost his way, dying in spirit if not in the flesh.
Saoi had done the unthinkable. He had left his pack. Not to find a mate, but to find an answer. The clans were dying. Each year packs grew smaller; the litters produced less pups and there was more strife among them. He’d left his own pack to save this race--to find a solution to the slow death of the Faewolves.
There were often times, though, when Saoi believed his elders were right. He ran all night in the dark woods that were bright with scents and sound, large paws digging into the earth at the thrill of chasing deer. He reveled in the pungent smell of blood, the feel of fur and flesh ripping under his teeth and the taste of fresh wild meat as he gulped it down. He sniffed and marked his boundaries with his own pungent scent. Saoi did everything he could to remember the things that made him a wolf. Yet, it wasn’t enough. Loneliness was eating him up inside, starving him as surely and slowly as a lack of meat. Sometimes when he woke alone and cold, he lay whimpering in his den like a wounded pup, wishing for the comfort of another--aching for the touch of a muzzle against his own, for the languid feeling of sleeping between other warm bodies, limbs all tangled up and nose nestled in the scruff of a pack-mate. Saoi was desperate for the sounds and smells and feelings of belonging.
He’d learned to blend in, to act like the humans, but he wasn’t one of them. He had to keep his distance to keep his secret. He knew what he’d been taught. How the humans would hunt them down and slaughter them all if they knew. And, in the time he’d spent among them, he had seen no reason to doubt that. It didn’t stop the longing he felt, however, when he saw groups of them together, touching in ways that reminded him of the comfort of a pack. It ate away at part of him every time he had to force himself to hold back, to not touch or get too close.
Chapter One
Kiya White Cloud sighed tiredly and tossed his waist-length, dark brown hair back over his shoulder, before beginning the climb up the concrete stairs to the third floor of the five story building. His dorm room was in the last apartment building, at the top of the hill of the college, bordering the redwood forest. His suitcase dragging behind him, Kiya listened absently to the smacking sounds it made as it clunked up each stair.
The plane trip back from South Dakota to California had gone a little easier than the first time, since he now knew what to expect. He was getting used to the transition between Deadwood and the university. For that, Kiya was grateful. After getting off of the plane, he picked up his things from the baggage claim area and took an airport shuttle over the mountain to Santa Cruz. It dropped him in the downtown area, on the Pacific Garden Mall, and from there he'd had to take a bus up to campus and to College Ten where his room was. It was a long trip and by the time he was among the redwood trees on campus, he was worn out.
Kiya reached his floor and the wheels of his suitcase clicked as he made his way along the corridor toward his dorm room.
"Don't you look edible?" a male voice purred.
Kiya froze and looked up to find Ted, Kiya's recently ex-boyfriend, leaning against a nearby doorway, smiling over at him. Ted was tall, blond and muscular with the kind of dominant attitude that Kiya found hot. Unfortunately, Ted was an asshole. “Fuck, Ted, what are you doing here?”
“Waiting for you, baby,” Ted drawled, pushing off of the door jam and reaching a hand for Kiya. He flashed him his winning smile.
Kiya took a step back, shaking his hair out of his face. “Why?” Kiya asked. He had broken up with Ted just before leaving for Spring Break. Seeing the man again was one of the things that Kiya had been dreading.
Ted stepped closer. “Don’t be that way,” he chided, reaching to stroke Kiya's hair.
"Why are you here?" Kiya demanded, leaning away from his hand, heart speeding up in confusion and anger. "You know what I told you before."
Ted didn't flinch but leaned in, cupping Kiya's cheek with his hand. "I've missed you, and I know you miss me too," he insisted.
Kiya flinched. Did Ted actually think that he could change his mind like that? Well, apparently he did, and really, it wasn't all that surprising. Ted always thought he could persuade him to do anything, and Kiya didn't even realize what he was doing until after they had broken up. None of that mattered now, Kiya didn't want to hear anything Ted had to say. He wouldn't go back to him. Not this time. "I don't miss you, actually," Kiya insisted, backing up again and finding himself up against the metal railing. "We're not together anymore, Ted."
"Aww, I know you weren't serious about that," Ted chided. "Everyone knows we belong together." He gave Kiya a playful grin that had usually worked to get Kiya to relent when they had argued.
"If we belonged together, you would've stopped when I said to, and you would have listened to me about using a condom," Kiya argued, flushing with embarrassment and anger at the memory.
"You're still sore about that?" Ted asked with a tone that was incredulous. He moved after Kiya again, taking the Kiya's hand. "And we both know that you enjoyed it."
"That’s not the point!" Kiya exclaimed, yanking his hand away. "I told you to stop, and you didn't. Doesn't matter whether or not you think I liked it."
"Now how was I supposed to know you were serious with your cock all hard and that beautiful ass wriggling," Ted protested. "You can't blame me for not being able to keep my hands off you. It's not my fault that you make me lose control, Kiya."
"Just go away," Kiya demanded, crossing his arms over his chest. Ted just didn’t seem to get it. It had nothing to do with the way his body reacted. It was the way Ted treated him. "Now."
Ted clucked his tongue. "I suppose I should give you a few more days to calm down," he said, shaking his head and then fixing his eyes on Kiya's. "You belong to me, baby; I'm not giving up on us."
"Too bad. I already have," Kiya said quietly, refusing to give in. He wanted to be brave, to stand up for himself this time. "Now go."
Ted shook his head again, moving toward the stairs. "See you soon, my pretty boy," he insisted, and then he was gone.
Kiya leaned against the rail for another moment, trying to calm down, but then hurried to the apartment, deciding not to risk Ted coming back. Kiya wondered why he seemed to be a magnet for bad guys, and his plan this year was to stop that once and for all. He was going to start looking for guys that had a decent personality as well and not just base everything on how good they were in bed or how gorgeous they were. No more men who just wanted Kiya for his looks. Kiya sighed again. Ted was officially the worst mistake he had made here so far.
No one was in the front room, but since there was already a pizza box on the coffee table, Kiya figured someone else was home. At least he hoped the pizza box was recent. There were four other people who lived in his two-bedroom apartment with him, including his roommate, James Miller, which was just fine with Kiya, because that meant it wasn’t as crowded as a regular dorm but he still had people to hang out with. And there were seldom long lines for the bathroom. Actually, he had to admit that he was probably the only guy in the apartment that took more than ten minutes in there, it seemed.
Kiya made his way to his bedroom, noticing that the door was closed, which might have meant that James was in. He wasn't even sure if his roommate had gone home over the break or not. But if he had, it was still early on Sunday and not all the students had gotten back just yet. As he thought of this, he walked up to the door and began pushing it open, only to gasp and freeze in the doorway.
James was lying in bed--naked. Even worse, sitting atop him was a red-headed girl--also naked. The two of them were making particularly obscene sounds as she bounced, obviously having the time of her life. Now, Kiya had seen James naked more than once and, yes, he was good looking with his almost always styled brown hair and light blue eyes. If it had not been for his attitude and, well, obvious heterosexuality, Kiya would have flirted with him every chance he got. But now, no, now wasn't a good time, and he did not want to see the naked girl on top of him. Not that he hadn't seen women naked before, it just wasn't something he particularly enjoyed looking at.
"Fuck, James!" Kiya yelled, turning away quickly, but the image was already burned into his mind. Unfortunately.
"Key, what are you doing back?" James asked, as if he was in the middle of a television show instead of sex. The girl squeaked and grabbed the blanket.
"It's, uh, the end of vacation, you jerk," Kiya replied, his back to them. He couldn't stand that James was taking this so lightly, like it was nothing! He also hated it when he called him Key. Kiya was a short enough name, it didn't need a nickname.
"Can you come back later, Key?" James asked, still cheerful.
"I seem to have no fucking choice. And don't call me Key!" Kiya hissed, stepping back out and slamming the door closed behind him. He huffed and set his suitcase down next to the door. “What a great start to the new quarter,” he muttered.
From the sounds that came drifting out, James and the girl had gone back to whatever it was they had been doing before the interruption.
The door to the other room opened and Joe came out. "Hey, Kiya. What’s up?"
Kiya looked up and, despite being annoyed at James, smiled a little. "Hey, Joey," he said. "How was your spring break?"
Joseph Swartz, more affectionately known as Joey, was one of Kiya's first friends when he moved to the campus. He was nice, very easy to talk to, good looking, and he didn't piss Kiya off. That made him good enough in Kiya's mind. He had kind of hoped that they would have been roommates, but Joey shared the triple room with Derrick and Miguel. "I stayed here and got to spend every day surfing," Joe said, grinning and flopping onto the sofa beside Kiya.
"Sounds like fun. Weren't you going to teach me?" Kiya asked, raising an eyebrow as he made a point of shifting closer. Technically he had heard that Joey was straight, as were most of the guys he knew, but he couldn't help flirting just a little. It came naturally.
"Sure, any time," Joey said "How was your trip home?"
And of course, just like always, Joey seemed to not notice Kiya’s advances. Either he really didn't notice, or he just ignored them. "It was great," Kiya told him, smiling. "Missed my parents more than I thought I would. And it was wonderful getting to see my brother and sister and my grandparents."
Joe gave him one of those looks that implied Kiya spoke a different language. "Visiting my parents wouldn't be my idea of a fun spring break."
"Not the only difference between you and me," Kiya laughed, glad to have this distraction while he waited for James to finish. "Hey, you wouldn't happen to know when that girl came here?"
"Thursday," Joey huffed and rolled his eyes.
"And they've been in the room ever since?" Kiya sighed, glancing down at his watch.
"I wish. They come out for food and television," Joe answered.
"Well, now that I'm back, things will obviously change. I'll give them another five minutes, tops." Yes, he had been kicked out of the room once before so that James could 'take care' of himself. He timed it, of course. Kiya was not going to put up with this shit. No, he was going to give James hell for the rest of the quarter, and he'd do it with a smile on his face.
Joe gave him a look. "Do that and you are my hero," he answered.
Kiya waved it off. "I'll let him have his fun for now," he said. "For now."
Joe huffed with a nod, picked up the TV remote and turned it on.
****
Kiya had to rush the next morning to get to his biology class in time to grab a seat in the front row. The mammoth building was like a huge concrete set of building blocks--set in the middle of the woods. But at least it wasn't far from his dorms. Kiya trudged up the stairs to the lecture hall entrance, which was at the back of the large slanted room. He made his way down another set of stairs to the front of the hall. Dropping his backpack onto the chair next to him, he started to pull his books out just as the professor began speaking. Kiya tried not to show how grumpy he was about being up so early for a nine o'clock class, but he was failing, slouching in his chair with a frown as he took notes. He glanced up from his notebook when the professor began to introduce the graduate students who would be working with the class.
"Your teaching assistants this term will be Rachael Burrows, Darren Turner and Brian Fenwick," Professor Steinhart was explaining and then going through the instructions of how to sign up for specific sections.
When Kiya looked at the TAs, he felt a frisson of unexpected pleasure. His attention was riveted on Brian Fenwick. Brian looked to be in his mid-twenties, and was probably six feet tall. He had short red-brown hair, a slightly tanned complexion and looked lean and muscular, filling out the button-down work blue shirt and 501 jeans in a way that made them look oddly more fashionable than the designer jeans and t-shirts most students wore. He wasn’t just attractive, he had an intensity that captured Kiya’s attention. The man shifted under the attention of the students, head turned a bit to the side. He had a physical presence that made Kiya want to reach out and touch him.
The teaching assistants, including Fenwick, went to take their seats at the other end of the front row and the professor began his lecture. Kiya couldn’t take his eyes off of Brian, willing the man to look at him now. Kiya knew about the rule prohibiting teachers from dating students, but that didn't stop him from looking. And he was frustrated that the man didn’t seem to notice him at all. Fenwick glanced his direction several times but didn't look directly at Kiya.
The professor talked about the syllabus and what they should expect in the class. It actually didn't sound as difficult as Kiya had thought it would be. He'd just have to keep up with his notes and read the book. But he had to admit that he wasn't giving the instructor up front his complete attention as he angled his body in his attempts to see more of one particular T.A.
With more than a hundred students all trying to sign up for sections, Kiya had to struggle just to get to the wall with the sign-up sheets on them. Once he finally reached the wall, two of Brian's sections were filled out, completely full. The last one was close to being filled up, and Kiya quickly went about writing his name down, restraining himself from writing more--like his phone number. It was only when he stepped back that he realized the time of the section, making him curse under his breath. Friday, at nine in the morning again! Friday was to be Kiya's day off; a day he was looking forward to just sleeping in. He glanced back at Fenwick thinking that he had better be worth it.
Fenwick was sitting at a table at the front of the room surrounded by half a dozen other students, apparently answering questions. Kiya couldn't help notice the way some of the girls were looking at the gorgeous man. Which only annoyed him further. That was it--he wasn't going to wait until Friday to meet Brian. He pulled his book bag up onto his shoulder and went back to the table, carefully pushing his way through the other students so that he was directly in front of the TA. He ignored the sounds of discontent, holding his hand out for Brian to shake.
"Professor Fenwick, I'm Kiya White Cloud, and I'm looking forward to taking your section," he said, making sure to give him a brilliant smile.
Brian looked startled and some of the other students snickered. But the man took Kiya's hand. "Just call me Brian. I'm not a professor, just a graduate student." He smiled and Kiya could see his eyes were brown, a kind of light brown that almost made them look golden--like dark amber. Brian's own glance into Kiya's eyes was brief and then he quickly looked away, his face appearing flushed.
Kiya could almost get lost in those eyes, thinking that Brian looked even better up close. So maybe sacrificing his day off would be worth it. "Brian," he repeated, nodding as his hand tightened around the man's slightly. "I'll have to remember that."
Brian gave Kiya's hand a little squeeze as he let go. "You had a question?"
"Ah, no, just wanted to tell you that I'm looking forward to Friday now," Kiya said, unable to think of a quick question. Usually he was able to come up with something cool to say under any circumstances, but apparently not today. Brian gave him an odd glance but didn't say anything as several other students began asking the teaching assistant questions about the field trip aspects of the sections.
Kiya stayed around to listen to that, thinking that he really would enjoy the class and not only because of the teacher. Going on trips in the woods around the school? Now that would be fun, and much better than going alone. He learned from the discussion with a couple of students that Brian was an experienced hiker and climber, though he would be "keeping it light" for the sections.
Kiya didn't think that he'd have to take it lightly, but he supposed the rest of the class couldn't say the same. He had had enough practice at home; he’d walked a lot, went both hiking and horse-back riding. Sometimes he went with his father to the Black Hills, and sometimes he went alone. Maybe he'd tell Brian about that on Friday. Then they could go hiking ... just the two of them. He could imagine them stopping in the middle of woods for a little "rest and relaxation." Yeah, sure. He'd probably push him down on the grassy ground and suck Brian off until he was screaming his name. He smirked at the thought, probably being too optimistic, but it was fun to imagine.
While Kiya was daydreaming about being alone with Brian, the man slung his backpack onto his shoulder and explained to the milling students that he needed to go. The next class was about to start anyway, so it was time to leave. Kiya snapped out of his daydream and moved to leave the room, clutching his books to his chest. He had a small break before his next class, sociology, so he headed back to his dorm room.
When Kiya got back to the apartment, James wasn't there. Nor, luckily, was his new girlfriend, but their were clothes strewn all over the floor of the room. It didn't bother Kiya, since they weren't his clothes. If James didn't bug him so much, he might have picked them up for him and put them on the other guy's bed, but yeah, not going to happen. He set his books down on his desk and kicked his shoes off, pulling his hair up into a ponytail before he went through his drawer to pull out his bag of hard candy. He always had to have one, so his mother made sure to send him off with at least one full bag. He looked through it for a moment and then pulled out a cherry flavored lollipop, pulling the wrapper off and moving back to lie down on his bed as he popped it in his mouth.
He let his thoughts stray to the memory of Brian when his cell phone chirped. He had downloaded a ring-tone that sounded like a bird. He pulled it out of his pocket and flipped it open. “Hi,” he said around the candy in his mouth.
“Hi, baby,” Ted said.
Kiya groaned, pulling the lollipop out of his mouth. “No,” he said.
“Come on, sweet thing,” Ted insisted. “I’m right outside. Let’s go to lunch.”
“Leave me alone,” Kiya pleaded and snapped the phone shut. He didn’t know how much clearer he could be with Ted. Kiya popped the lollipop back into his mouth, finding it comforting as he lay back again.
****
The rest of the week was a typical first week of classes. With only ten weeks in the quarter, things started quicker than most schools and Kiya already had too much homework. Even so, he was actually kind of bored with most of his classes. Except, of course, for biology class, where he couldn’t take his eyes off that hot TA.
Ted called Kiya's cell phone over and over again, but Kiya never answered. He didn't even listen to the messages, just deleted them. He nearly called his mom to complain about it, but the last thing he wanted was for her to be worried about him. She was worried enough with him being so far away.
Finally Friday, the day Kiya had been looking forward to the most. He woke up early that morning and was showered and dressed long before the other students that lived with him were even awake. He even did his hair, which took him nearly an hour to comb out and play with until it was straight and gleaming. He usually did it at most once a week, but today was particularly special.
Kiya made it to the new classroom early and took a seat in the front. Now all he had to do was wait for Fenwick.
Chapter Two
Brian Fenwick looked and acted the part of the diligent graduate student. It wasn’t all an act. He worked extremely hard to keep up with his studies, research and teaching responsibilities. The trouble was that he had less time to do that in than most other young men his age. Because he wasn’t a man. And he couldn’t let himself forget that.
Where his fellow students probably spent their free time going to visit family or at the beach or out partying, Brian had divided his time between his work and the woods. He’d ventured far up the Santa Cruz Mountains, following the forest. This was only his second year in Santa Cruz and there was a lot of forest to explore. He had to keep most of the exploration to those hours after the sun went down, when he would be less likely to be seen. It didn’t hinder him. His night vision was better than a human’s and his other senses,hearing and smell in particular, were far beyond what humans could reach.
Sometimes he would hunt. Saoi, as he was known in his pack, couldn’t kill too many animals in such a high population area, but he could follow their trails, the scent leading him on, stalking them quietly as he drew closer and then, when they finally got wind of him, his heart pumped exhilaration as he gave chase. He took in lungfuls of air as he dodged around trees and through brush in pursuit of prey. He thrilled at the intensity of the sensation when his teeth sunk through fur and into flesh, the pounding of the life's blood of the animal as it spurted down his throat, soaking his muzzle in warmth. Hunting helped keep his instincts sharp and it was the most relaxing thing Saoi knew. Deer in the area weren’t the challenge that a moose or caribou would be, though. The only other real predator they had in Santa Cruz was the occasional mountain lion. Cars killed more of them than animals. Without a wolf pack to weed out the weak, the deer in his area were stupid and slow. Yet, hunting them still fed some of his needs.
Sometimes, when Saoi went far enough from his own den, he would allow himself the luxury of howling. He would take long full breaths and let the sound fill him, rising into the night air. It was inevitably mournful. Nothing was sadder than a solitary wolf howl. Humans probably thought it was simply another human playing around. Yet, doing it allowed a part of him to be more fully alive, to be a wolf again. And no matter how many times he reminded himself that there were no other wolves in the area, he was always listening, longing to hear an answering call.
Over the week of spring break, Saoi had gone nearly four days and nights without returning to human form. He’d slept in makeshift burrows in the day, digging holes under tree roots or into the sides of hills to curl into the sheltering earth. When night fell, he ran again. He knew the wavering heat image and unique scent of every kind of animal and plant in the redwoods.
Besides the danger of getting caught, he also had to remember that he was Brian Fenwick. Saoi didn’t care about schedules or homework. As a wolf, he felt the natural rhythms of night and day, of seasons and weather. But to live as Brian, he had to remember things like calendars and clocks, to return to his den in time to prepare for the upcoming school term. After four days of immersion in his true form, Saoi reluctantly transformed himself and washed away all the wonderful scents of the woods.
Brian emerged again, sitting in a chair, turning on his computer and logging in to check email and voice messages. Professor Steinhart had scheduled a teaching assistants meeting for that Sunday and Brian needed to have his lesson guides for the field trips ready by then. With a long sigh, Brian pulled out the books and set to work.
****
Monday morning had brought a surprise for Brian. He was, thankfully, prepared for the class he was assisting and eager to begin working with students. He had made the proposal that he teach a very hands-on version of the sections, one that included actual field trips. Students could opt for other sections, but his would be geared towards those who wanted to get out and explore ecosystems on campus and at the beach. It was something he was very excited about.
Brian was gratified that his idea was greeted well, not only by Professor Steinhart, but by many of the students. What he hadn’t really counted on was the reaction to his physical presence that a number of the young women, and one young man in particular, would have. Human flirting wasn’t something Brian was very good at understanding, and certainly not something he did. He’d been away from his own kind a long time and it was tempting, but he didn’t feel that he could safely get involved with a human, let alone a student.
Wolves were very direct and physical about their attentions. Humans had complicated rules that Brian still didn’t understand very well. And one of those rules, he did know, was that a teaching assistant couldn’t be involved with students in the class he taught. Brian tried very hard to follow the human rules. He didn’t want the trouble that breaking them would bring, nor did he know when or how they could be broken without incurring punishment. So he did his best to ignore the advances directed his way.
One of the difficulties about it was that he could smell arousal in others. It was one of the stranger aspects of humans for him that they couldn’t. He supposed they used flirting to find out what he knew just by inhaling--who was or was not interested. That made it a challenge for him to be suddenly surrounded by a group of people who were talking about his class but whose smells told him they wanted to touch him. And even more startling was that one of them was a beautiful young man.
When Brian had looked up into those green eyes, he had felt something in him falter. The wolf was awake. Brian barely suppressed a sharp intake of air as he struggled internally to push the wolf back without betraying who he really was. Usually, he was able to suppress that part of himself when at school. Yet there he was, palm sliding against the smooth skin of the young man's hand and those eyes meeting his and it was like Saoi was suddenly alert, trying to meet the challenge and pushing at his skin. Brian could feel the curiosity, the sudden want, the matching arousal as the wolf focused his attention on the scents fairly rolling off of the young man in waves of desire. The danger weaving in and out of the moment as the wolf locked in on the student and pushed harder was a wave of heat startling the teaching assistant. Brian withdrew his hand as quickly as he dared and tried to remember to speak. He managed, but it has been an effort.
Again, Wednesday morning, Brian could feel the boy’s eyes on him and he tried to keep his face firmly turned away. It would not help to look at what he could not have. He needed to remember his work and his rules. He stole a few glances but thought he had managed to disguise his interest. The real test, he knew, would be the section Kiya had signed up for on Friday. He hoped the boy would realize it was impossible and let it go. Most students knew their teachers couldn’t get involved with them. He hoped Kiya would realize this and back off. Or, at least, part of him did.
****
Brian had gone early to the seminar room set aside for sections that Friday morning, and was startled to find any student already there, let alone Kiya. Suddenly tense and aroused, Brian tried to control his reactions. The very smell of the young man was a distraction, awakening parts of himself he did not bring to the human world. Brian knew he would need to remain alert and strong during this class.
"Uh, hi. Well, you're early," he said, going to the front of the room and setting his notes on the desk.
"Yes, I woke up early. I hope you don't mind," Kiya replied, leaning his cheek on his hand and smiling. Kiya greedily took in the sight of Brian, thinking he was even more gorgeous than he remembered.
Brian frowned. The young man’s smile was dazzling. Brian looked down, forcing himself to try to ignore the way Kiya’s gaze felt like a touch. He focused on his notes, turning and writing instructions on the white board.
Kiya drank in the sight of those long lean legs and that firm ass in tight jeans. "So, is this your first time teaching?" he asked, wanting to start a conversation before anyone else came in.
"No," Brian answered shortly, resisting the urge to turn around and look again. The hair on the back of his neck prickled. He was relieved when several more students arrived and he could turn his attention to them.
Kiya pouted slightly at the bland reply. "Damn," he murmured, beginning to worry that Brian just wasn't interested in him. For all Kiya knew, maybe Brian was married, even though he didn't see a ring. Or he was straight. Kiya made a face at that.
Brian waited until a couple minutes after start time and then began taking attendance. He couldn't help but let his eyes rest on Kiya when he called out the student's name. Kiya’s high cheekbones and full lips might have been feminine on a woman, but Kiya gave them a strikingly masculine beauty. Yet, it wasn't just the physical attraction that affected Brian; there seemed to be something lurking behind those green eyes that called to him and to the wolf. It took a lot of effort not to let his gaze linger, and he was startled when he found himself wondering how that long brown hair would feel if he were to touch it, to run his hands through it.
“Here," Kiya answered with a grin. Now he was getting something ... finally. Not so straight or married after all, he thought. He leaned back in his chair, stretching for effect. He knew he had a great body and he really wanted Brian to get a good look.
"So, I am Brian Fenwick, your instructor for this section. I am a doctoral candidate in Ecology and Evolutionary Biology," he explained. "In addition to the text book, you should also have purchased The Natural History of Santa Cruz, a field guide you will be using to help with your lab."
Kiya pulled out his book, managing to keep his eyes on Brian the entire time he spoke. He thought he saw something when Brian looked at him.
"So this," Brian said as he handed a stack of papers to the nearest student, "has your reading assignments, papers and schedule of field trip locations and dates. Next week, we will be taking a hike into the forest in the upper campus. Make sure you have shoes with traction, long pants with socks because there is poison oak, a bottle of water, a pen or pencil and a notebook." Brian went step by step over the schedule, explaining the field trips and then answering questions about the readings and lectures that week. He found himself having to keep a running reminder in his head that teaching assistants could not be involved with their students.
Kiya only looked away to accept the paper from the student next to him, glancing down to look it over. Seemed simple enough, he thought. He looked for the first date that they'd go out and then returned his gaze to Brian, putting his attention back on him. He liked the way Brian took charge, his posture seemed strong and his tone commanding but gentle. Kiya smiled wistfully, imagining other things that voice might say.
Brian had found first sections to be a bit boring, usually just a chance to learn the names of students and go over things. But this time he found himself wishing this one could be that easy. This class was going to test his control. He glanced at Kiya again, a pleasant shiver down his spine when he did. The look in Kiya's eye brought the most inappropriate thoughts to mind and Brian looked quickly away. He would like to have made a run for it right after class, but, as the instructor, he had to stay after to answer questions.
Kiya was already thinking of the first trip. He'd have to be in the front, of course, the closest student to Brian. Now that was something else to look forward to. He smirked when Brian caught his eye, biting into the tip of his thumb. If only the man could read his thoughts. While the other students crowded around Brian, Kiya hung back, waiting for his chance to talk to him.
Finally, the last of the students were leaving but Brian realized, belatedly, that Kiya and he were going to be alone. "Um, Kiya, is it?"
"Yes, Kiya. Kiya White Cloud," he said, gathering up his things and then standing up. "And you're Brian. Not Professor Fenwick. Not yet." He started walking toward Brian's desk as he spoke, keeping the same calm attitude but adding a sway to his hips that he hoped was sexy.
Brian turned his back to Kiya, moving to erase the board and pack up his things. "Did you have a question?" He tried to keep it light, to pretend he couldn’t smell the student’s arousal--that the smell wasn’t making his body tight with his own want.
"Are you married?" Kiya asked, getting straight to the point. Might as well get that question out of the way.
Brian frowned and tried not to think how much he would like to tell Kiya how not married he was. "Kiya, that's not an appropriate question to ask an instructor." Brian frowned, picking up his bag and throwing it over one shoulder. He knew that he needed to get out of there ... now.
"I'm only curious, Brian," Kiya said, blushing. He thought that it was a pretty good guess that Brian wasn’t married and probably was attracted to him. "Well then. Since you don't seem to be very talkative today, I guess I'll see you next week. I'll have everything I'll need then. Promise."
Brian tried not to read anything into that statement but the look Kiya gave him didn't help. “Bye, Kiya,” he said, and hurried out of the class, determined to take a cold shower as soon as possible.
Kiya grinned and watched him hurry off, slowly walking out behind him. "He wants me," he murmured to himself. Kiya was on his way out of the building when he noticed the wall of photos. First a row of names and photos of all the professors, then, below that, the graduate students. Each graduate student had a page with four plastic slots for pictures. Some only had one picture, while others had three or more. Kiya scanned the row until he found the smiling face of Brian Fenwick. There were three pictures. Kiya glanced around to make sure no one was looking before slipping out the nicest one from the pocket and tucking it into his own pocket instead.
Chapter Three
Brian fled the building as soon as he could, the claustrophobic narrow halls making him want to howl with his pent up frustration as he headed for the parking garage nearby. He climbed into his battered white Ford truck and ended up sitting behind the wheel for several minutes, struggling to try to remember how to drive. Maybe if he changed form and went running in the woods, he could let go of these unaccustomed urges. He finally started the truck and headed off campus, turning up the twisting path of Empire Grade. With the forest on both sides, he continued the two miles up until he drove past the llama ranch and finally found the small road, really an unmarked gravel drive, that led back to the cabin he rented. It was a one-room structure with electricity and not much else. He’d rigged a shower outside from a nearby well. It was a cold shower, but it never bothered him. And, at the moment, he thought it might actually help.
Brian threw his bag and keys aside and then stripped as quickly as he could, padding to the back to stand under the frigid spray. His skin felt flushed and the cold was soothing. Finally, shaking water out of his red-brown hair, he shifted into wolf form and headed into the woods. He ran. He ran until he was tired, before making his way back and collapsing onto the pillow covered mattress on the floor of his cabin.
****
Saoi growled, his haunches rubbing against the back of the boy’s thighs as he slid inside him, the tight wet channel making him shudder in pleasure. The boy beneath him whimpered, not in pain, but in obvious enjoyment as he arched up against the wolf atop him, forcing Saoi’s prick deeper inside himself. Front paws wrapped around the human’s thin waist, Saoi lapped at the smooth damp skin in front of him, beginning to rotate his hips so that he worked himself further inside the boy's slim body.
And then he woke, finding himself humping a pillow. He nearly howled in frustration, the pillow being nowhere near what he needed. He continued his jerky movements for a moment, hoping to find release regardless, but the cloth was scratchy against the moist slick skin of his erection. Saoi threw himself sideways and twisted, nosing his own thick cock where it rose pink and slick from its sheath. He did what he couldn’t do in his other form, using his long thick tongue to lap at the swollen shaft while whimpering in pleasure. He couldn’t resist imagining it was Kiya’s tongue, licking him from root to tip. He licked harder and faster, losing himself in the vision of those plump lips wrapped around the head, sucking him. When his release came, he drank himself, enjoying the taste and the fantasy of Kiya doing it.
When he collapsed back onto the mess of sheets and pillows, he lay there panting. He’d never imagined himself with a human before. His previous sexual experiences had been with his own kind, no matter what their forms at the time. Why was this boy affecting him like this? It was a loss of control Brian couldn’t afford. So many things could go wrong with a human. First, there was the basic biology. Humans were fragile. While a Faewolf could heal almost anything short of death, humans could easily be injured by what a wolf might consider normal play. And it was dangerous for him, because he couldn't let humans know about the existence of his kind. He was oath-bound to keep the secret. Despite all this, Saoi couldn't seem to stop thinking about the young man, and it was the memory of the scent of Kiya that clung to him as he drifted off to sleep.
It became the pattern. As Brian, the human form, he could force himself to push away thoughts of Kiya, to focus on his work instead. But the wolf had no such stoicism, reveling in the fantasies of Kiya every night. Saoi wanted the young man with an intensity that was beyond anything he had ever felt before. It was maddening. Each time Brian would chastise himself, telling himself that even if he wasn’t Kiya’s teacher, a relationship with a human was not only doomed to fail, but very dangerous. Too risky for himself and for his kind.
****
It was Wednesday night's Queer Coffee House at the campus LGBT center. It was one of the things that Kiya missed while he’d been gone. He hadn't seen his friends, especially Audrey and Jack, since before break, and hadn't even gotten to explain to them about breaking things off with Ted.
The Center was a cool place to hang out. The running joke about UCSC standing for "Uncle Charlie's Summer Camp" was never more appropriate than here. The Center was actually a kind of fancy log cabin on the side of a hill, with a big picture window along one wall. All kinds of groups met there and there were talks and parties. Every Wednesday, Kiya liked to come and hang out with other queer students, which is how he had met Audrey and Jack. There were usually a couple dozen students on any given Wednesday. It was a great way to both meet new people and catch up with friends.
When Kiya arrived, both Audrey and Jack were already ensconced on a sofa with coffee and pastries. They were leaning toward each other, obviously catching up. Audrey grinned and both of them waved.
Kiya was dressed comfortably in a pair of faded jeans and one of his tighter shirts. He had his hair pulled up into a ponytail, but there were a few shorter strands that hung in his face. He grinned back, waving as he made his way over to the two of them. "Hey, you two. How were your vacations?" he asked.
Audrey patted the sofa beside her.
"Saved you a seat; get your coffee and tell us what's up with you.” Jack nodded, not answering verbally since he had a mouth full of cookie.
Kiya nodded and headed for the refreshment table, pouring himself a cup of coffee and adding just the right amount of cream and sugar. He grabbed one of the pastries and then sat down next to his friends.
Jack had managed to swallow. "So was how was the trip home?" he asked. Jack had felt that spending spring break in South Dakota instead of Santa Cruz was a weird thing, even if he did know Kiya was close with his family.
"It was great," Kiya replied, taking a sip of his coffee. "It was kind of hard leaving them again to come back here."
"I stayed here. Much more fun than spending spring break back in Fresno," Jack insisted.
"Any place is better than Fresno," Audrey added, and Jack nodded as she continued. "I went back to San Diego, which still feels like a different world than this."
"Yeah, it was different going back to the reservation after staying here for so long. Nice though. Oh, a few things! I'm going to be an uncle," Kiya told them with a grin.
Both of his friends congratulated him, asking for details.
"My brother's wife is pregnant," Kiya said proudly, leaning back in his seat.
"I don't have any brothers or sisters, so I don't get to be an aunt," Audrey sighed. "I love babies."
Kiya and his family were so happy about it because for a while his sister-in-law, Sarah, had thought she wouldn't be able to have a child. She and Kiya's brother, Mapiya, had been trying for several years. "You could have children of your own someday," Kiya told Audrey with a nod. "If you want to go through something like that."
Audrey nodded. "Maybe, if I find the right girl or guy to raise a kid with. I wouldn't want to do it alone."
"Yeah, that wouldn't be easy," Kiya agreed, taking a sip of his coffee. "So, did you guys hear about my break-up?"
Jack nodded asAudrey's eyes widened. "What happened?" she asked.
"I couldn't take it anymore," Kiya said with small shrug. "Ted was too controlling. Like he could do whatever he wanted and I would just let him."
"Yeah," Audrey agreed and Jack nodded again.
"He stopped me outside the Baytree Bookstore on Monday," Jack added.
"For what?" Kiya asked, not wanting his friends getting involved in this.
Jack snorted. "Sean and I were coming out and it felt like he was waiting for us or something." Sean was Jack's boyfriend. "Ted seemed to think you might have a new boyfriend."
"Really? And so what if I got a boyfriend, I am allowed to," Kiya said, rolling his eyes. "Ted keeps calling me, too. Thinks that I just needed time to think about it or whatever. I don't know how long it will take him to get it."
His two friends exchanged a quick look.
"He acts like he owns you, Kiya," Audrey pointed out. "Actually, he's been acting like that for a long time."
"Well, he doesn't. That's why I broke up with him. I don't know why I stayed with him for so long," Kiya said, and then paused, tapping his chin. "No wait, it was the sex. Yeah."
"No one is THAT good, Kiya," Audrey said firmly.
Jack shrugged, apparently thinking that really good sex might have been worth putting up with a lot.
Kiya glanced at Jack. "Hey, Jack agrees with me. It's how I got all A's," Kiya said, smiling a little. "But really, it wasn't just that. He helped me study sometimes." He stopped, not knowing why he was trying to justify why he stayed with Ted.
"That's what they call it when you make that noise?" Jack teased.
Audrey rolled her eyes. "Well, I am glad you broke it off," she assured Kiya. "What finally got you?"
Kiya laughed softly, his cheeks coloring just a little. It wasn't all that apparent though, with his skin color. He looked at Audrey, tucking a bit of his loose hair behind one ear. "Well, he wouldn't use a condom," he explained quietly. "He's older, and I know he wasn't a virgin coming into the relationship ...."
"And you let him go bareback?" Jack asked, clearly shocked.
"No! No, I stopped him. I told him to get one, and he wouldn't listen, so, that was it," Kiya lied quickly, nodding. It hadn’t happen that way at all. Ted didn't stop when Kiya had told him to, and he wouldn't get a condom. He forced himself on Kiya despite Kiya's frantic objections. He hated thinking about it, so there was no way he was going to tell Jack and Audrey. Even as Kiya recalled what had happened, he lifted his hand and, without thinking about it, nearly put his thumb into his mouth. It was a habit he'd had since he was a child that reappearedwhen he was stressed or extremely upset. Realizing that his thumb hovered near his lips, Kiya colored more darkly and forced his hand back into his lap.
"Good for you," Audrey said, hugging him then. Jack nodded so vigorously that he nearly spilled his coffee.
Kiya hugged her back, smiling over at Jack. "I mean, it was kind of the last straw," he said as he pulled back.
"Well, I'm glad you didn't let him. Ted creeps me out," Jack agreed.
"He keeps calling me," Kiya sighed, not sure of what to do about that. "It's just annoying me now. I wish he'd leave me alone."
Audrey patted him. "Just be firm and make sure he knows it's over," she assured him.
"I have been," Kiya said, shrugging slightly. He shook his head and took a deep breath, not wanting to talk about Ted anymore. "But enough talk about him! Guess who has the hottest teacher ever, hm? Go on, guess."
Jack laughed and rolled his eyes again.
"Kiya, a teacher?" Audrey asked.
"Teaching assistant, but yeah. He's so fucking gorgeous," Kiya said, looking dreamy at just the thought of Brian. "Now before you say it, I know we're not allowed to date professors and stuff, but he's not really a professor and I can still flirt with him anyway, right?"
"It's not like he can flirt back even if he is interested," Audrey huffed.
"Is he queer?" Jack asked, "Because if he is, then he would be interested. Kiya's too pretty for his own good."
"I asked him if he was married," Kiya said, smirking at Jack's comment. "He didn't give me a straight answer, which told me that he isn't married. And he's obviously restraining himself from looking at me. You should've seen the way he ran out of the room after class. Probably went to jerk off."
"Kiya!" Audrey gasped.
Jack laughed and shook his head. "Not a good idea to tease a man who can't have you," he warned. "So who is he and what does he look like?"
Kiya laughed, grinning at the both of them. "It's fun! His name is Brian Fenwick, he's tall, red-brown hair, and the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen. I mean, they were like--I can't say light brown. More like gold, yeah, gold."
"Golden eyes?" Audrey asked in disbelief, but she was smiling too.
"And his body?" Jack insisted.
"Even though he was probably the only one wearing a button down shirt, it looked good on him. I mean, really good. He's muscular, obviously, but not in the bulky kind of way," Kiya explained, getting an increasingly distant look in his eyes as he spoke. "Tanned skin, too."
"Here we go," Audrey warned. She kept smiling though and they let him babble about Brian for a while before talking about classes and other things. Then it was time to head back to the dorms.
"I'll talk to you guys later," Kiya said to them both, waving before he headed out of the Center. He walked around to the woods where there was a path that led him directly to College Ten. He used to always hang out with Ted along this path, but he didn't want to think about that, because that part of his life was over. He was never going to go back to him, good sex or not.
The nights in Santa Cruz were cool, even in the spring, and the woods were dark. Kiya carried a small flashlight and knew the path well. He reached his building in no time, heading up the stairs to his apartment. He unlocked it and prayed James was either not there or asleep.
James was lying back in his bed, light still on in the room, and reading one of his textbooks.
Kiya sighed, but continued inside, closing and locking the door behind him. He went to his bed and sat down, pulling the hair band out of his hair and then shaking it out. The only good thing about having a hopelessly straight roommate was that James never really looked at him when he did stuff like that.
"So, your boyfriend came by again," James said, not looking up from his homework.
Kiya looked over at him, his eyebrows furrowing as he frowned. "He's not my boyfriend anymore," he told him.
"He's not?" James asked, frowning as well and looking up now. "He's been by here looking for you nearly every day."
"He won't leave me alone," Kiya said, crossing his arms over his chest. "I've broken up with him, and he doesn't seem to realize that I'm serious. If he comes here again, don't let him in or anything. Say I changed dorms or something."
"Just tell him to fuck off," James insisted, shrugging and turning back to his book.
"I have been telling him that. Just--ugh, forget it," Kiya mumbled, taking his shoes off. He looked at James for a moment before he got up, turning away so he could undress and then put on his pajamas.
James paid him no attention at all.