Sinful Urges
by Sonia Hightower
Breathless Press
Calgary, Alberta
www.breathlesspress.com
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, organizations, or
persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
Sinful Urges
Copyright© 2012 Sonia Hightower
Published by Breathless Press at Smashwords
ISBN: 978-1-77101-043-6
Cover Artist: Staci Perkins
Editor: Deadra Krieger
All
rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced
electronically or in print without written permission, except in the
case of brief quotations
embodied in reviews.
Breathless Press
www.breathlesspress.com
To Deadra, who helped me improve my writing, and coaxed me out of my comfort zone. She rocks.
“Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. It’s been three weeks since my last confession.”
The priest shifted on the hard wooden bench and made a sound that the repentant obviously took to be acknowledgment of his negligence in attending confession. The man continued, his words rapidly flowing in Spanish. “I have taken the Lord’s name in vain, yelled at my wife numerous times, and lost my patience with my son...” His voice tapered off with a hint of more to come, yet a reluctance to share.
Father Delgado sensed this. He sighed inaudibly behind the screen, eager to get the ordeal over with. It was almost his lunchtime, and Sister Celeste had a nice roast in the oven. “Go on, my son,” he coaxed, taking great care to keep the sound of impatience out of his voice.
The man hesitated but, after a pregnant pause, he continued. “Father, I’ve been having impure thoughts about a woman who is not my wife.”
The father rolled his eyes. He found himself grateful for the tiny screen separating him from his penitent as it hid the amused smile threatening to overtake his face. Desiring a woman not their wife was a common confession among the married men of his flock. “Do you love your wife?”
“I do, Father, but I no longer desire her body. Not since she moved into our neighborhood.” The man’s voice turned wistful. “I cannot get her out of my mind or my dreams.”
Father Delgado’s eyebrows rose. “Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s wife.” He stated the reminder in the sternest tone possible as he tried to cover the sound of his growling stomach.
The shadowy figure on the other side of the screen bowed its head in consternation. “I know this, but for weeks I have been unable to think of anything else—since the day I first saw her...
“I came home from work and had just parked my car in the driveway. My attention was riveted on a moving van in front of a house that sat across the street, catty-cornered to mine. I wondered who had bought the house and decided I would ask my wife for the details. My wife tends to watch all the goings-on around us. Before I could go inside, however, I laid eyes on the most beautiful woman I have ever seen in my life.
“The woman had long black hair that cascaded down to her waist, a waist that I imagine my hands spanning perfectly. Below it were curvy hips and slender legs that seemed to go for miles. She was wearing snug jeans and a tank top while carrying a box from the moving truck to the front door of the house. I noticed that her hair swung with every step from one side to the other with the movement of her hips, and I almost dropped my briefcase.
“I swear to God she turned her head and, when she saw me, there was an electric current that traveled from her eyes to mine. My breath caught in my throat as if the flow of my blood, my very being, was awaiting her permission to continue. I willed her to keep on looking at me, but she turned and walked into the house. Forcing my gaze away, I concentrated on placing one foot in front of the other in order to walk up my own steps. An inner battle within me ensued as I tried to ignore the desire to rush across the street and offer my services— and by services, I don’t mean the moving of boxes— but the services of the flesh. I had the overwhelming urge to take the box away from her, drop it on the ground, and bend her luscious body over it— in full view of the neighborhood. To ram my cock into her over and over and hear my name gasped on her lips...
“I’ve hardly been able to eat or sleep since that day. My mind and my body are tortured with want of her, a woman only seen from afar. Since then, I am unable to take pleasure with my wife. I forever find myself watching out the window for a glimpse of her.” The man completed his speech with a strangled sound of distress. Gone was the epitome of masculinity and hardness that his confession implied.
Father Delgado cleared his throat in an attempt to regain his composure. The man’s confession, brutally honest and touching upon an awkward subject, embarrassed the priest and made him uncomfortable. He reminded himself, however, that it was important not to show weakness in front of his flock. “This is serious, but not as serious as it could be, my son. You have taken the first step by confessing your impure thoughts. You must focus on your wife and child and attempt to ignore the sins of the flesh. The devil will lure you to sin in many ways. You must be strong.”
“Father, do you believe in love at first sight?”
“What you are experiencing is lust, not love. Try to avoid this woman until you can get your thoughts in the right place. Perhaps your wife and you should schedule counseling?”
“Thank you, Father, I will try.”
Detecting a great earnestness in his penitent, Father Delgado was mollified and gave a light punishment for the man’s sinful thoughts. “Say one Hail Mary for every time you have said the Lord’s name in vain and two Our Fathers to absolve your impure thoughts,” he advised through the screen.
“Yes, Father,” the man mumbled in a humble tone.
“In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost, I absolve you.” The priest made the sign of the cross. Hearing the squeak of the door hinges, he added, “And stop looking out your windows.” He shook his head and stood to leave the dark booth himself, smoothing the wrinkles out of his robe. He stopped short and dredged through his memory. He couldn’t remember what he was supposed to eat for lunch. He felt a pang of alarm at this. Priests were not supposed to become distracted by heated confessions. They were supposed to be steady and strong, life preservers in the turbulent sea of sins.
The father crossed himself and murmured a hasty prayer.
***
“Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. It has been...too long since my last confession,” a woman’s husky voice pleaded through the screen.
Father Delgado raised his head abruptly from its relaxed, almost nodding-off position. He noted that this was a new voice, not a member of his flock. “Go on, my daughter.”
“I have recently moved here with my husband and have not yet been to church. I confess to yelling at my husband when he broke my best China dish, and I believe I cursed too.” The woman sighed. “I also lied to him about a job. See, I told him I hadn’t heard back from a company nearby, but the truth is I did. They don’t want to hire me, but I was too embarrassed to admit it.”
The father remained silent, taking in this new voice, adjusting to the sound, and tried to visualize a face to go with the husky voice. He squinted to see better through the screen, but could not make our more than a mere outline of a slender woman kneeling and a dark head bowed.
The woman continued with no prodding. “And I’ve been thinking of a man that is not my husband. A man across the street who is married as well.”
Father Delgado froze one second before pulling back from the screen. “Do you know this man?”
“No, I have only seen him from afar. But I felt something one day when he looked at me, unlike anything I have ever felt before. Since then, I confess to drawing his attention to my body.”
“How do you mean?”
“I’ve been wearing my most provocative clothes and, when I know that he is home, I find excuses to be outside wearing them...
“The day I moved in, I felt something: a pull, a feeling that defies the laws of gravity. Like a moth to a flame, my attention was drawn to a house across the street. It was as though I was being summoned, called to. I looked up and met a man’s eyes— dark, brooding eyes. Eyes that I call ‘bedroom eyes.’ They seemed to suck me in. The eyes were as dark and alluring as the rest of him. The man was tall, slender, wearing a sharp suit and tie, but I could tell that underneath his layers, he was well built. His buttocks appeared firm, and his skin was dark brown. His hair was short and alluring— wavy— begging my fingers to run through it. His lips were succulent and, as our eyes met over the box I was carrying, I visualized myself kissing them. Visions of running my tongue over his lips, our juices running together, while our mouths explore each other’s, and grasping his clean, smooth face in my hands pushed all other thoughts from my mind.
“I almost dropped the box, but my best China was in it, so I forced myself to clutch it tightly. As tightly as I envisioned holding that man in my arms. I pried myself away from his gaze, but ever since that day, I have thought of him, and I have asked the other women in my neighborhood about him in a very offhand way. ‘Who lives in that house over there?’ I ask with a bob of my head. ‘I have noticed a cute little boy playing outside.’
“’Oh, that is Juan Garcia and his wife, Adrienne, and son, Pedro. They have lived here forever,’ my new friend, Tina told me, pouring a glass of lemonade while we chatted on her front porch.
“’What does he do?’
“’He works for a bank. Decent, hard-working man, but keeps to himself.’
“’Hmmm,’ I murmured. Then I changed the subject, asking about schools in the area for someday, of course, there will be children in my own household. Though, as I sat there drinking my lemonade, I visualized children that looked like miniature versions of a dark-eyed banker and not my blond and blue-eyed husband. I was frightened by this and tried even harder to contribute to what was now a one sided conversation with Tina.
“While she prattled on about a bake sale for the local Boy Scouts, I ran an ice cube from one side of my mouth to the other. The sweetness of the lemonade was long gone and thoughts of holding it between my teeth while running it from one dark brown nipple to another got me warm under my collar. I visualized allowing my dark hair to fall around and curtain the naked torso that I so desired to have in front of me. As the ice cube melted in my mouth, I imagined it was Juan’s juices, salty rather than sweet. I pretended that his life force was running down my throat instead of the coolness of the melted ice.
“Later that night I peeked through my front blinds every ten minutes, watching for a dark sedan to pull up and park. When it finally did, I heard the door slam and rushed to watch Juan as he exited his vehicle, caught a small ball his child threw at him, and threw it back. A smile lit up his beautiful face, and his white teeth gleamed against his tan skin. Then his eyes strayed to my window. I swear I saw a flash of both lust and guilt. It was only brief, that fleeting moment his gaze was on mine, but it was enough to tempt me over the line. I determined then and there that I would sway him. I said I saw both lust and guilt. I wanted more lust than guilt. I would make him come to my side.
“I waited just long enough to ensure that Juan would have performed whatever daily routines he needed to do after a work day and then I changed my clothes. I selected them with great care. I put on a white bikini top that tied behind my back and neck and donned my shortest shorts, cut just below my buttocks. I said a prayer for the wrong reasons. I thanked God that my husband was having a late night at work, and I felt a rush of guilt for thinking this, but only for a fleeting second, as the sultry eyes across the street beckoned me.
“I sauntered outside, tossing my black mane, relishing in the feel of the setting sun brandishing my skin, wishing I could replace it with hot hands. I grabbed the hose from where it was connected in front of the house and, watching from the corner of my eye, I began running water over my car. Not even five minutes passed and I felt his eyes on me. It took every ounce of willpower I had not to turn and meet his stare.
“It only took ten minutes for him to come outside under the pretense of playing catch with his little boy. By this point, I was soaked and knew my nipples were visible through my top. The smack of a ball repeatedly hitting a glove was the only background noise I heard as I grabbed a sponge from the soap bucket and scrubbed the roof of my car. I allowed my shorts to climb higher up my buttocks as my hips swayed with my scrubbing movement. I had a very dirty roof. It required me to reach further and further and my breasts squashed against the car windows. I felt my nipples harden under the cold water, but the rest of me, the lower part of me was burning up.
“Still, I refused to turn, refused to allow Juan to see my front.
“Thump went the ball into a glove.
“I maneuvered around my vehicle at a crawling pace, keeping my back to street. I bent over my trunk, reaching for a spot I had missed in the first scrubbing, the sponge clutched so tightly in my hand that it ached, much like the rest of my body.
“Thump went the ball into a glove.
“I finished with that spot and finally turned around, allowing my wet hair to swish and slap my cheek as I braced myself against the trunk, pretending to need my balance on the wet driveway. My eyes were closed, and I tilted my head back to catch the last of the sun’s rays on my face, the front end of me dripping wet. The inside of my shorts were even wetter.
“Crash went the ball into a car window.
“I smiled as I realized I had obtained my goal. Juan was mine...
“So, Father, I know I am wrong, but I cannot help myself. What do I need to do to receive ablution?”
The woman’s words met with silence, then a choking cough.
Father Delgado struggled to find the right words, had to calm his uneven breathing as he fought to gather control of his thoughts. “You must desist in this behavior at once. A woman’s place is with her husband. A vow has been taken. You are threatening the sanctity of marriage.”
“I will try, Father.” The priest visualized the woman hanging her head demurely as she uttered those words, but he questioned her sincerity.
“Say the Act of Contrition, two Hail Marys, and three Our Fathers,” he said in a strained voice. “In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost, I absolve you.”
“Thank you, Father.” The hinges squeaked, the door closed behind her, and the priest found himself leaning so close to the screen that his nose touched it. Father Delgado shut his eyes and took a deep breath, catching the last vestiges of her musky perfume. Realizing what he was doing, he gasped in shock and forced his eyes open. Embarrassed, he stood so fast that he felt the blood rushing to his head. He hurried out of the box, gasping for fresh air, ignoring the sound of the other door opening and another penitent walking in.
Confession was closed for the day.
***
“Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. It has been two weeks since my last confession.”
Father Delgado cringed when he heard the sound of the voice on the other side, now identified as Juan, thanks to the breathy woman’s confession. He’d hoped to have heard the end of this mess. Apparently, his prayers regarding this matter were not to be answered. “Yes, my son.”
The sound of a deep breath rendered the air and then the frantic, jumbled Spanish that was a sign of Juan’s nervousness came pouring through the screen. “I have ignored my wife and son in favor of a beautiful woman that invades my thoughts. I have had lustful thoughts, and I have betrayed my faith.”
The priest’s heart plummeted with the weight of disappointment. He had hoped so much that Juan would be strong enough to avoid temptation. He kept his voice unemotional. “In what way?”
“I have gone against the teachings of the church...
“I saw her outside washing her car, her breasts clearly visible and her beautiful hair being tossed about. It was my undoing. After that night, I became determined to find out all I could about her. I began to ask my wife casual questions about the neighborhood in general. ‘Mi amor,’ I said one day, ‘what goes on while I am not home? What do the people around us do? Our neighbors?’ She frowned at me in surprise as she scooped more arroz con pollo from a bowl and onto my plate.
“’The men are gone at work. The children play. The women gossip.’ She waved a dismissive hand.
“’What do you gossip about?’ Here, I believed, was the key. Women talk.
“Her face lit up at the chance to reveal what juicy tidbits she knew. ‘Oh, Janine and Derek are getting a divorce. He had an affair, you know,’ she whispered conspiratorially. I nodded my head, feigning great interest so that she would continue. ‘Tina’s children are running wild. One almost got hit a by a car the other day,’ She shook her head. ‘Oh, and she has a new friend, the lady that just moved in across the street.’
“I almost choked on my dinner, but forced myself to chew at a normal pace and swallow before prodding her further. ‘I noticed a moving truck out there a few weeks ago. What do you know about our new neighbors?’
“I must have done a very good job of keeping my voice and face under control because my wife continued cutting up pieces of meat for little Pedro while she chattered away. ‘They seem nice. He is polite, does something with construction.’ She paused with a thoughtful expression on her face. ‘I think his name was Ben. His wife, Maria, is looking for a job. Something to do with advertising.’ My wife wrinkled her nose. ‘There is something I don’t like about her, but I only spoke to them a minute because Pedro wanted to pet their cat.’
“I smiled and took a sip of my beer. Maria was her name. I wanted to pet her cat too, but not the same kind of cat as my son. My thoughts were interrupted again by my wife’s chatter. ‘They are having a barbecue this weekend. The whole neighborhood is invited. I told them we would be there.’ She looked up at me hopefully, no doubt wanting to go just to scope the new couple and their house out, to be in on the ‘gossip circles’ that would soon be chatting about them all over the neighborhood.
“’Wouldn’t miss it,’ I reassured her.
“And we didn’t miss it. I finally met Maria in person and, up close, she is even more beautiful. When I was introduced to her, I grasped her hand in what was supposed to be a friendly handshake, but the chemistry between us as I looked into her dark eyes sent a jolt through my body unlike anything I have ever felt before. I prayed that no one else saw it.
“I had taken great care with my clothes for the barbecue. Despite the heat of the day, I wore a collared white shirt to set off my dark skin and pressed slacks. I wanted to radiate both success and masculinity. I added a touch of my best cologne, the one my wife calls my ‘fuck me’ scent, in hopes it would send that invitation Maria’s way. I think it worked.
“I was only able to speak to her for a few minutes as it wouldn’t have been appropriate to monopolize all of her time, though I wanted to. I learned she was from Argentina, had a degree in advertising, was seeking employment, and had no children yet. I hung on her every word before we were parted by other guests and their demands.
“I caught Maria’s gaze later, and she turned and walked away from me. There was some sultry Latin music playing in the house, and I watched her hips sway with unmistakable invitation as she moved with the rhythm. Her body sashayed over to a tree and halted in front of it. She glanced around in a discreet manner and must have noted that no one was watching but me because, just briefly, her fingertips reached out and stroked a branch. I watched her eyes close and her lips part slightly in an erotic pose. She swayed her hips to the right, and her hand stroked down the branch. She swayed her hips to the left, and her hand stroked back up the branch. That was all she did. Her eyes then opened and her gaze met mine once again. The seductive act was brief, but it was fortunate that no one but me was watching.
“Everyone else was laughing, yelling at their children, or gathered around the cooler getting another beer. For that brief moment, however, the world around us seemed to disappear. I felt my cock harden in my pants. I brought my beer can to my dry lips to quench my sudden thirst, only to find that I had squeezed the can so hard that the beer had rushed out all over my hand.
“Later, after my family went to bed, I turned off all of the lights in my living room. I sat down in a chair by the window and watched. The lights were on in her house, and the blinds were open. Maria was obviously still playing music because she danced around the house, her colorful skirt flowing around her, her taut belly bared. I imagined flicking my tongue in that belly button, imagined smelling her musky scent as I trailed kisses up from her stomach to her mouth. She writhed to the music and ran her hands down her body as she tilted her head back, allowing her hair to caress her buttocks. I wanted to be her hair right that moment.
“I was so hard I hurt, so I pulled my shirt out from my pants to allow more room, telling myself it was just to make my body more comfortable. My hand stayed on my waistband, feeling the hardness of my shaft pulsing through the fabric of my pants. I leaned closer to the window.
“Across the street, Maria still swayed, her hands in the air reaching for something only she could sense. I noted the ribs beneath her breasts, longed to trace them. She brought her hands down and, with excruciating slowness, unbuttoned the top button of her blouse. I unbuttoned the button on my pants. My breath quickened.
“She did a hip-swinging twirl and, facing me once again, she unbuttoned the second button. I unzipped my pants. There were no more buttons after this. Her short top fell open, revealing two magnificent breasts, just right for a man’s hands. I watched her place her palms on her still rotating hips. Though I was too far away, I could swear I saw a trickle of sweat run down the concave between her breasts and into her belly button. I watched it and freed myself from my restraints. I stroked my cock and groaned, praying everyone was asleep in the house.
“The music in Maria’s house must have increased in tempo because she began twirling around and around, hair flying and whipping her face. Her breasts tantalized me every time they became visible, however momentarily. She spun, I stroked. Her hair flew, I stroked. Her skirt billowed out so far that her thong was visible, I stroked. A breast flashed, I stroked. She stopped suddenly, and her blouse fell to the floor. I came and gasped as, for the second time that day, my hand was coated in a sticky fluid.
“She licked her lips and turned abruptly around as though suddenly realizing her blinds were still open. I gave a strangled cry as her lights went out...
“...and I have purchased condoms in the hopes that I may use them, further going against the teachings I was raised to believe.”
Father Delgado was grateful for the screen as it prevented his penitent from seeing what he knew was a shocked expression on his face. The priest had to force his stiff shoulders to relax. He hadn’t expected this to go as far as birth-control purchases, but yet it had not gone as far as he had initially feared. “My son,” he began in a cajoling tone. “These acts are, indeed, against the church. Sexual activity outside the sanctity of marriage, and not for the intention of procreation, is considered a disordered and sinful act.”
Through the screen, the father saw Juan’s face was covered by his hands. The man obviously felt great shame as he should. There was still hope. “Go no further with this. Throw the birth control away. You will not need it. You will return to your loving wife and abide by the laws of the church.”
“Yes, Father,” came the meek response.
“Say an Act of Contrition, three Hail Marys, and four Our Fathers,” Father Delgado advised. “In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost, I absolve you.” He followed the words with a sigh as he crossed the air.
The door opened and closed, allowing another penitent in. The priest wiped his brow with a handkerchief. As a gravelly voice began speaking, the priest made a mental note to tell Sister Celeste to have the air-conditioning checked. It was getting too hot in the booth.
***
“Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. It has been twelve days since my last confession.”
Father Delgado dry washed his face with his hand and tried not to breathe in the alluring smell of musk that he now associated with the woman named Maria. “Yes, my daughter.”
“I have been committing acts frowned upon by our God and our church. I am in dire need of absolution.” The woman’s voice was breathless.
The father grabbed a cushion that he had acquired specifically for these lengthy confessions and settled himself warily on it. He knew he would be there a while. With a silent prayer, he raised his eyes to the heavens in a plea to his God above. He also crossed himself for good measure.
“My child, what have you done?”
“Father, I finally met Juan at my house party...
“And he was even more delectable in person than I had anticipated. I found myself watching him every moment I could. I didn’t even know this man yet I desired him. Since that day, I imagine I could feel his gaze on me at odd moments, especially at night in my house when I know he is across the street. You would think that I would be uncomfortable with him watching me, but I am not. I find myself acting in provocative ways just in case he can see me, and I leave the lights on till the very last minute in hopes that he is watching as I change my clothes, caress myself, dance to my music.
“The other day I found myself the voyeur. It was the afternoon on a weekend and thus, Juan was home. Ben was away golfing with his friends, and I had the house to myself. I was finishing up some chores when I looked out the window and saw him mowing his yard. He wore no shirt, only jeans that encased everything just so. My dust rag fell to the floor as I stopped to watch. I noted the way his dark, wet locks stuck to his forehead, watched the muscles ripple in his biceps as he pushed his mower. My gaze traveled down his hairless chest, over his defined pectorals, to the sudden trail of dark hair that started just below his belly button. I felt my heartbeat quicken and my breath catch. He continued pushing the mower until he got to the end of that row and he turned, granting me a delightful view of his backside. My gaze then greedily followed his buttocks until he came to the end of that row and turned the mower once again. This time, he looked toward my window.
His gaze caught mine, and I knew that I should step away from the window, that I was being rude standing there staring at him, but I couldn’t leave. I was riveted. And then he did the sexiest thing and left no doubt in my mind that he desired me as much as I desired him. Juan reached down a hand and adjusted himself, and my gaze greedily followed his hand, wished I could place my own hand over his bulging crotch. I moaned in ecstasy while he continued mowing, pretending that I was not there, that he had not just sent me an open invitation.
“I watched until Juan put the mower back in his garage and closed the door. When he failed to come out again, I decided I had to take care of matters myself. I could take no more. Possessed by an aching need, I rushed up the stairs and ran a bath. I tore my clothes off, throwing them on the floor where I stood, and submerged myself into the warm water as soon as the tub was full. So hasty was I that I didn’t even bother with my usual bubbles.
“I allowed the warm water to lap over me while I closed my eyes and pictured him. In my mind he was not mowing but hovering over me as I lie on a bed of satin. He was not wearing jeans, but was naked in all his glory. Juan’s cock was hard, and his hand was maneuvering it against the opening of my slit. He rubbed it against me; up, down, up, down. Intense warmth pooled down there. Pretending it was his cock, I rubbed myself under the water— up, down, up, down. Soon, I began to pant and whimper. I took my other hand and reached down, spreading my legs on either ledge of the tub and, using two fingers, I penetrated myself— in, out, in, out. Finally, I screamed his name. ‘Juan, oh my God, Juan...’
“Father, I believe this is fate and it is now out of my control.”
The priest raised his head from where it was buried in his hands and struggled to even his breathing. “This must go no further. You are committing sins of the flesh. You must resist temptation.” He cringed inwardly at the weak and resigned sound of his own voice. It lacked the usual authority and sternness he prided himself on. It sounded, instead, like the voice of a man who knew that his words were falling on deaf ears and events had been set in motion that he had no control over.
“Father, I am trying to resist, but I am scared.”
Father Delgado stared at the screen, confused. “My child, you have repeatedly ignored my advice. Why are you scared now? Are you scared of the wrath of God? You can remedy this by stopping now. It is not too late.”
“Father, there is no stopping it. That’s just it. I have set things in motion and I have no desire to turn back. I shall burn in the depths of Hell. Father, please absolve me.” The woman’s voice begged him.
The priest looked up toward his God once again, wondering what choice he had. “Say an Act of Contrition, four Hail Marys and five Our Fathers. In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost, I absolve you.” He crossed the air and shook his head.
When the door squeaked closed behind her, his shoulders slumped in defeat. Taking a deep breath, he struggled to capture the last of Maria’s perfume. Realizing what he was doing and ashamed at the resulting stir within him, he immediately began to pray. “Deus meus, ex toto corde paenitet me omnium...” He, too, needed to say an Act of Contrition.
***
“Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. It has been ten days since my last confession.”
The priest recognized Juan’s anxious voice and simply grunted a reply.
“I have made plans to commit adultery.”
Father Delgado shook his head forlornly. This young man was in dire need of guidance, and he felt as though he was failing miserably at the task. How many times now had Juan come to him about this issue? He attempted to reach the sinner again. “My son, you cannot absolve your sins before you commit them. If you know something is wrong in the eyes of God, you must not do it.”
“But, Father, this could be my only chance...
“My son kept badgering me to take him across the street to pet the kitty. My wife has been suffering migraines, and she yelled at Pedro to leave her alone. She beseeched me with tired eyes to do something with him. ‘I need some peace and quiet, Juan,’ she said. ‘My head is killing me.’
“It was too good an opportunity to pass up. I grabbed my son by the hand. ‘We will go pet the kitty,’ I told him, struggling to push my arousing thoughts out of my mind. It was impossible. Bending to plant a kiss on my wife’s check, I concentrated on keeping the excitement I was feeling out of my voice. ‘I’m taking him across the street.’ She smiled gratefully at me, making me feel like a very small man.
“We walked across the street, my son and I, and came to Maria’s door. I quickly straightened my clothing and allowed Pedro to knock. In his eagerness, Pedro began pounding the door with his little fist. I placed a restraining hand on his arm. ‘Just twice, Pedro. Give them time to respond.’ I was hoping she was the only one home.
“The door opened and there she stood. She was wearing skintight pants and a sports bra. I had to fight to keep my jaw from dropping to the floor. I realized my son was tongue-tied, as children can sometimes be, and hiding behind my pants leg. I gently pulled him back into the open. ‘We would like to pet your kitty.’ I smiled, though part of me worried she would turn us away.
“She laughed, a beautiful, open-mouthed laugh, her white teeth flashing, her head thrown back. That was when I realized what I had said and, if it had been possible for me to blush under my skin, I would have done so. This woman flustered me.
“Maria stepped aside, beckoned us to come in. I caught her eye, and she winked at me. I felt a stirring in my groin. Pedro chattered away while Maria went to scoop her scowling cat off a sofa cushion. I watched her long ponytail swing with her steps.
“She brought the cat over to Pedro and smiled and laughed with him as his chubby hand patted it. Not very gently, as was obvious when the cat hissed and darted off. Pedro ran after it into another room, shouting ‘Kitty!’ as he chased his uncooperative friend
“’Pedro, you don’t have permission to run around this nice lady’s house,’ I scolded him.
“Maria laid a hand on my arm. It burned me underneath my shirt. She said not to worry, that so many things were still packed that there wasn’t much he could break. I realized then it was just her, I, and her hand upon my arm. Her eyes lost their laughing glint as they looked into my own. The silence between us was heavy and full of unspoken promise and tension.
“’Is your husband home?’ I managed to say.
“’No, he’s gone till Monday.’
“I grew elated at hearing this. It was only Thursday. She was going to be alone for three more days. She still had not removed her hand from my arm. Instead she began to move it in a circular motion, massaging me. I breathed deep, wished that hand was massaging a different part of me.
“Her eyes widened. ‘What part would that be?’
“¡Dios mio! Had I said that out loud? I grew flustered and immediately apologized. ‘I am sorry. That was very rude of me. I don’t know where my mind is.’ I ran a hand over my face, trying to cover my embarrassment and my desire.
“To my surprise, Maria wasn’t offended. She stepped closer to me, her breasts almost touching my shirt. ‘It’s okay,’ she whispered. ‘I would love to.’ She ran her finger from my wrist to my inner elbow. ‘We are on the same page, I think.’ Her voice was throaty, seductive.
“I could not speak. Instead, I looked wildly around for my son who, thankfully, was not in the room. The original purpose of our visit, to pet the kitty, came to my mind and I felt my nostrils flare. We could both pet the kitty. We would both pet the kitty, starting that very moment. I stared down at her breasts cupped within her sports bra. My heart rate increased.
“I will never know what came over me. It was as though my body became possessed, that I no longer had control over it. With hands far steadier than my mind, I reached out and grasped her waist, feeling the elastic of her pants and above that, the taut flesh of her belly. I pulled her toward me, eliminating the mere inch between our bodies, flattening her breasts against my chest. She gasped, whether out of pleasure or surprise I know not, and I covered her mouth with my own.
“Maria’s lips were succulent, ripe. Her mouth opened willingly, and I shoved my tongue in. The taste of lemons coated my senses. She grabbed my head with her hands and pulled me down even closer. I rubbed my hard cock against her belly, and she gasped into my mouth. She arched her back, and I felt sharp pain in my lower lip.
“I was shocked to realize that Maria had bit me, and I pulled back enough to look at her. The barren sensation along with the air on my lips was even more painful than the little nip she had given me. Her eyes were cloudy, her lips parted, her breathing heavy. Wetness formed at the tip of my penis, and I knew a tiny spot would show on my pants if I could not get myself under control. I reached down to adjust myself. It had grown very uncomfortable. Her gaze followed my hands, and she bit her lip tantalizingly.
“’Come to me this weekend, somehow.’ She gasped, reaching out a finger to touch my lower lip. I reached out with my tongue and sucked the finger into my mouth briefly. She moaned with desire. A trickle of sweat ran down my back. Her finger came back with a tiny drop of blood from where she had marked me, and I watched with pleasure as she stuck it into her own mouth, peering up at me from her dark lashes.
“’I will come,’ I promised. I doubted the innuendo was lost on her. Glancing around one last time, I checked for my son and then stepped toward her. Emboldened by her reactions, I reached out my hand and, watching her widening eyes, I grasped her by her pussy. I was finally petting the kitty, just as I had promised. Delighting in the wetness I felt there, I pressed my hand up into it, my thumb directly at that tender nub that women loved having touched.
“’Oh my God,’ She moaned. It felt extremely warm above my hand, and I pressed harder causing her to sway until she almost lost her balance. She clutched at my shoulders; her head tilted back, eyes closed.
“I leaned in so that my mouth was right above her ear, felt a lone strand of hair tickle my nose, and I flicked my tongue over her lobe. ‘My name is Juan, not God, and you will be screaming it later.’ I released her suddenly and stepped back.
“I left Maria standing there watching me, gushing with juices of desire, a hand over her heart as she attempted to breath normally again. I collected my son, telling him we had petted the kitty and it was time to leave our lovely neighbor in peace...
“And I know it is wrong, but I am going back to her. It’s all I have thought about since. This woman has gotten under my skin.” Juan’s voice rose, tinged with panic.
Father Delgado wiped his forehead for the twentieth time, but still he could not stop sweating. For the first time in all the years of his servitude, he wished he didn’t need to wear these heavy robes. Fanning his face with his hand, he struggled to breath in the stifling heat. “My son, you know this wrong. For this sin you have committed, I can absolve you, but I cannot absolve you in advance. God is frowning upon you right now. This—affair,” he choked out, “must go no further than it has. Say an Act of Contrition, five Hail Marys, and six Our Fathers. In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost, I absolve you.”
“Thank you, Father.” The door shut softly behind Juan, and the priest slouched against the back of his booth. “Dios mio.” He attempted to distract his thoughts by reminding himself to tell Sister Celeste to oil those hinges.
***
“Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. It has been one week since my last confession.”
The priest’s head snapped up, his nostrils filled with the scent of musk, and his heart plummeted at the breathy voice. His response was automatic, but his hands were clenched into fists. “Yes, my daughter.”
“I have committed adultery.”
“I’m not surprised,” Father Delgado muttered.
“Father?”
“Never mind.” The father shifted his weight and squinted through the screen. He watched the red lips move as the woman unfolded her sinful story.
“He came to me over the weekend...
‘”I was in bed reading by a small lamp when I heard a tiny ping that sounded like a pebble on glass. At first I was alarmed as I was alone in the house and strange sounds tend to frighten me. Then there was another ping. I threw off my covers and ran to the window, pulled aside the light curtain, and looked down.
“A shadow was in the yard, approximately six feet tall, slender build. I knew it was Juan. I rushed down the stairs to let him in, my heart pounding against my rib cage. My fingers were shaking so much that it took me three tries to undo the chain on the back door. Finally, I got it open, and his body, his aura, his entire presence engulfed my doorway. We were finally alone in the darkness.
“I didn’t hesitate, but grabbed Juan’s arm and pulled him all the way inside. The door slammed behind him, and I pressed myself against his body, breathing deeply the scent of his cologne. Feeling his breath on my hair, I murmured his name. That was all the invitation he needed. A man of few words is my Juan. Instead, he communicates with his body. The man proceeded to tell me that I was the most beautiful woman in the world with his kisses, touches, and caresses.
“First, he kissed me. His mouth covered mine, his tongue circled my own, around and around, thrusting deeper with each pass. I could not even gasp or sigh, he engulfed me so completely. Without a word, he reached his hands under my flimsy chemise and grabbed my buttocks, pulling me so tightly to him that I could not breathe. His hardness pressed into my belly button. Juan rubbed it against me, pressing so hard it hurt me, but in a pleasurable way. I placed my hands on his chest, grabbed his firm pectorals, and noted that he was wearing one of his usual button shirts. Thus, I wasted no time in tearing it open. The sound of buttons flinging all over my kitchen interrupted the steady undertone of his deep breaths, but I did not care. I tore my mouth from his and found the expanse of his chest, sucked on a hard nipple, then lapped at it with my tongue. Juan growled, a feral sound that awakened an animal instinct within me. His hand roughly grabbed my breast, squeezed, and ran a thumb over my own nipple, which was begging to be released.
“Suddenly, he pushed me against the wall. I felt the air knocked out of me and gasped in surprise. He had a hard glint in his eyes as he stared down at me. I struggled to regain my faltering footing while he removed a foil-wrapped package from his pants pocket and then undid the buttons confining him. The pants fell around his knees. His glorious cock shot straight up into the moonlight coming from the door’s window. My body quivered and ached. Juan didn’t touch his other clothes. He did not ask permission or bother with sweet kisses, nor did I want him to. I lifted the hem of my chemise and raised it up from my knees to my waist, showing him, inviting him. There was nothing underneath, just smooth skin and moisture. He slipped a condom on, and the distance between on our bodies disappeared. As if by their own volition, my legs wrapped around his waist and my arms went around his neck. I expected him to enter me then and there, to take his pleasure. Wetness dampened my thighs in anticipation.
“He did not. Instead he wrapped one arm around me and held me up against the wall. With his free hand, he rubbed my moistness, fingered my round nub. My mouth opened, and the most guttural, lusty sounds rent the darkness of my house. I fought to keep my eyes open, not wanting to miss the fire in his. He flicked his finger back and forth, and I clutched his shoulders so hard I knew I was leaving marks under his shirt. Still, he did not take me.
“Juan shoved a finger inside me, eyes still intent on mine. Aroused, I bit my lip. I felt moisture trickle from my pussy. Still he did not take me. He shoved two more fingers inside me, and he thrust them in and out. I felt his arm around me tense as he struggled to maintain my weight. My legs began to shake. I whimpered. ‘Fuck me, fuck me, please.’
“And fuck me, he did. He abruptly removed his hand, grasped my hips, and shoved himself inside me. He impaled me in one thrust. I screamed and he covered my mouth with his, muffling my cries. He pulled out slightly and thrust into me again and again. My pussy muscles clenched around his cock as his hands pulled my buttocks apart. I began to move with him, allowing the top of my pussy to slap against his flesh, arousing myself further. An intense heat built up inside my entire body and burst, covering him with wetness. Juan thrust up into me one more time, hard, and his mouth left mine as he grunted with his release. I felt sweat from his forehead mingle with my own.
“He pulled out and set me gently down on the floor. My legs were so unsteady that I almost collapsed. I allowed my chemise to fall around me in small waves, covering my body once again as he stepped back and removed his clothes, leaving them where they landed. This surprised me as I had expected him to take what he wanted and leave, but he was apparently sticking around for more. I was not going to complain.
“He followed me upstairs and I led him to my bed, peeling off my sweat-soaked chemise as I did so. He lay down and I hovered over his body, allowing my hair to fall around us, to tickle his chest. I showered him with kisses, starting at the cleft in his neck where I felt him swallow, and made a trail down to the wispy hairs above his manhood. He obviously took great care to trim the hair around his cock and I appreciated this. His breathing became labored once again, and my attention focused on his cock. I teased him by placing my mouth just above it and looked up at him from under my locks, mocking him with a promise. He moaned and mumbled something that sounded like, ‘Maria, please.’ That was all the prompting I needed.
“I flicked the tip of his head with my tongue, tasted a salty drop of moisture. His hands grasped my hair, holding me there. Juan’s body shuddered as I licked his cock, then took it in my mouth and sucked. I heard him panting, felt him stiffen. He began to thrust in my mouth, and I obliged him by bobbing my head up and down in rhythm with his movements. I felt his semi-hard cock become huge once again while I fondled his taut balls.
“Juan’s hand pulled on my hair, and I looked up, allowing him to fall from my mouth. His eyes begged me. ‘Now,’ he said. He reached down and placed another condom on. He barely had it rolled down when I replaced his hand with my pussy.
“Placing my hands on either side of his head, I slid myself on it. Pleasure arced through my body as I moved up and down, ground back and forth. His lips pursed with desire; his muscles tightened with concentration. I shoved myself back and sat straight up, continuing my movements. Up, down, backward, forward. Just when I thought I was in control of the situation, I felt his thumb on the area above where he penetrated. He pressed as I rose above him, making circular motions. I moved faster, breathing harder and harder. ‘Maria, Maria,’ he murmured.
“My head flew back as if I had no control of it and my hair tossed as I yelled at the ceiling and clenched my pussy around him, allowing wetness to pour over his cock and onto the sheets underneath us. Juan grabbed my breasts and squeezed, urging me to say his name.
“’Juan, Juan,’ I gasped over and over, collapsing on top of him as he thrust up into me as far he could go...
“So, Father, I need absolution badly.”
“Yes, my daughter, you do.” The priest’s voice sounded strangled, even to himself. He stared down at the nails of his right hand, bitten to the quick.
“Father? Do you have any advice for me?”
“No.” Father Delgado knew he sounded curt and angry, but he didn’t care. What was the purpose in being polite at this point? The father mopped sweat from his brow then fanned himself with the end of his robe. He felt sick. Perhaps he needed to see a doctor soon. Turning back to his penitent, he advised her, “Say the Act of Contrition, six Hail Marys, and seven Our Fathers. In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost, I absolve you.”
“Thank you, Father.” Maria sniffled and the priest heard the door squeal behind her. He hung his head in a gesture of defeat. Who would absolve him for his utter failure?
***
“Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. It has been six days since my last confession.”
Father Delgado threw his head back and groaned with frustration. What now? What more could these people have to burden his soul with? He fought to keep the resignation out of his voice. “What is it, my son?”
“I am guilty of adultery, neglecting my family, and envy.”
The priest remained silent, waiting. He knew the information would be forthcoming.
“I lay with a woman not my wife and since then, I cannot think of anything else. I cannot eat or sleep or bear the sight of my family, whom I have betrayed. I am sick with guilt, yet I know without a doubt that I would do it again. I want to do it again. I think of Maria all the time. I want to be with her.”
Father Delgado noted that Juan, too, sounded like a beaten man. “My son, what you have done is wrong. A man’s place is with his family. You have destroyed the sanctity of marriage. I highly suggest counseling. This is the work of the devil.”
“Father, I wish a man dead. I am filled with so much anger and jealousy...
“When dawn began to color the sky, I crept out of Maria’s bed, found my clothes and what was left of my shirt, and left her lying there naked and magnificent; her hair billowed around her on the pillow. Stealthily, I snuck back to my own house, making a detour past a neighbor’s trash can where I threw my torn shirt, being as silent as possible and cringing at the barking of a nearby dog in a yard. Thankfully, I’d had the foresight to lay casual clothes out in my bathroom, so that I could pretend to have been up for a while. I’d been up all night, matter of fact, but I certainly did not wish my wife to know that I hadn’t been in my own house all night. Climbing into bed at that point risked waking her. I’m ashamed to say that I was grateful for her migraines and the pills that cause her to sleep deeply. This is the kind of husband I have become.
“My life continues, but I no longer feel as though I am living it. I feel like a bystander; watching myself drink my morning coffee, don my work attire, drive to work every day. I am a man on autopilot who feels that he can no longer be alive unless he is with the woman he loves, and that woman is not my wife. It is Maria. Oh, how one night can change a man!
“My wife asks me what is wrong; my son asks me to play, but I cannot force myself to go outside. Every time I do, I find myself watching Maria’s house. Sometimes I see a glimpse of her through the windows. Once, I saw her bent over working in her garden. She did not glance my way. I wondered why, until I saw him. Ben. Her husband.
“I had conveniently forgotten his existence. I’ve known all along that she is married, even met her husband at their barbecue, but my attention has been so focused on her that I could pretend he did not exist. One would think that having lain with her, she would be out of my system, but it is having the opposite effect. Now more than ever I want her in my arms, and I have no desire to share her beautiful body.
“I was doing yard work of my own, trying to catch her eye, watching her delectable buttocks move up and down as she pulled weeds. She was on her knees, and her position brought to mind the memory of her mouth on my cock. I hardened and I watched, frustration growing by the minute when she refused to look my way. Then he rounded the corner, carrying a rake. I immediately averted my gaze back to the bush I was pruning. In the corner of my eye, I saw the man bend over Maria, his lips moving as he spoke to her. She glanced up at him with a smile, a half smile though, not a full smile like she had given me. It didn’t touch her eyes. I felt a burst of satisfaction as I watched. But then he placed a hand on her rump, patted, laughed, and walked off.
“I couldn’t stand the fact that he was touching her. I threw down my shears, my belly churning with nausea. Pedro came up to me, handed me his ball. ‘Daddy, play with me.’
“I could only shake my head and rush inside to the bathroom...
“And I cannot stop these sinful feelings, Father.”
“You must. She is another man’s wife.” Father Delgado’s tone rang with authority. A feeling of hope pierced his chest. Guilt was a good sign. The sin could not be undone, but it could be prevented from occurring again. He began speaking with more conviction, “This sickness you feel is a sign from God that what you have done, and continue to think of, is wrong. The Lord forgives, but you must control your urges and listen to Him.”
“Yes, Father,” the piteous voice responded.
“Say the Act of Contrition, seven Hail Marys, and eight Our Fathers. In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost, I absolve you.”
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