Coworker Crush
by Ruth Madison
Smashwords Edition
Copyright 2011 by Ruth Madison
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I press the palms of my hands on the smooth, cool surface of the conference table and lean back in my chair, waiting for everyone else to arrive. I love Monday mornings. I know that sounds pathetic, but it’s the best time for me to see Adam while there’s nothing else I need to do. At the weekly meeting I have nothing to contribute, so I can just sit and look at him all I want. He doesn’t know I’m watching him because he’s blind. Though there are times when he seems to sense he’s being looked at and can’t tell by whom.
In a small company full of engineers he is by far the most attractive. He is tall and lean with skin as smooth and supple as stripped willow bark. When it’s his turn to speak, I close my eyes and listen to the rich vibration of his beautiful voice, imagining it whispering in my ear, resonating against the thin skin of my lobe. His breath would send shivers racing over all my flesh.
As with most Mondays, people stumble in clutching cups of coffee and finding seats around the table. Adam always gets the same chair, the one closest to the door, so that he doesn’t trip on the tangle of chairs around the rest of the room. It’s his fingers that enter first, gripping the side of the door frame. He leans his white cane in the corner and walks confidently to his chair, touching its back to make sure it’s there and then touching the seat before he sits.
Adam has worked here a lot longer than I have and there is a whole system in place. Everyone knows him and knows how not to get in his way. When the meeting is over, he is the first to leave and people wait until he’s at his desk to start crowding the door.
He’s in hardware and it’s absolutely amazing to watch him work. From where I sit I can easily look over at him without anyone noticing. His desk is covered in components, little bits of computers, all arranged in neat rows and angles. His deft, long fingers pick out each piece with a quick glide across their edges.
There’s a plastic cabinet with tiny drawers labeled in Braille. Sometimes I get in before anyone else and I run my fingers over the dots. I shiver as I feel the patterns like a secret picture, denting the surface of my skin. I think of his fingers over these same raised edges, gliding on the same cool plastic.
I find it fascinating to see how he accomplishes things. He has earbuds for both his smart phone and his computer. There are programs that will read out his texts, emails, or tech documents. When I first started working I got a quick training on interacting with Adam. If he has earbuds in, it’s okay to tap him on the shoulder to get his attention. Don’t move the furniture around and leave chairs out in the middle of the floor. Things like that. I haven’t had cause to use almost any of it.
I keep trying to find a good reason to talk to him, but so far the only thing I’ve managed is when I deliver his paycheck. Then I know to say, “Adam, it’s Lily. Here is your check” and hold the paper so it touches the edge of his hand. He always smiles his wide smile, which always inspires a smile on my face too.
It seems like he can tell sometimes when I’m staring at him. Even as he pauses and cocks his head, he can’t tell it’s me looking. I just watch quietly how his fingers glide across his desk, how he never quite grips the phone on his desk on the first try.
After work that evening I walk the short distance home to my one-bedroom apartment and throw a packet of rice in the microwave. Once I’ve eaten and watched TV for a while, I climb into my bed alone and wrap myself tight in my big white comforter. I curl up my legs in their silky soft pajama bottoms and fall asleep.
Overcome with the desire that has bubbled through my day, I dream immediately of Adam. I know it is him, though I’m not sure how I know. As though, like him, I can see almost nothing. A smoky darkness swirls around my senses, but I can feel a man touching me. His hands are strong and they graze down the sides of my face, over my bare arms and torso. I feel as though I am floating and Adam’s grip is the only solid thing tethering me there.
A moment passes, or maybe an hour, and his lips are on mine. They are soft, but forceful, and so full that they cover my mouth completely. We are tumbling through space together, our bodies touching all the way down their lengths.
I wake panting, my skin slick with a thin layer of sweat. My breath is shallow and catches in my throat. I can’t keep going on like this. I’ve got to find a way to get his attention and try to make my dreams become reality.
When I like a guy, I have only one trick up my sleeve. The only thing I know to do to get his attention. I invite him to hang out at my place to watch a movie. I sit on the couch next to him and I hope for the best. This has never led to something before, but I keep thinking that it will. Would it be insensitive to invite a blind guy to watch a movie?
I don’t know what else to try, so the next day I bide my time and wait until nearly everyone has gone home. As he starts to pack up for the evening, I walk over as casually as I can, aware that there are still a few stragglers in cubicles around the office.
“Hey, Adam,” I say when I reach his desk.
His face turns towards me, but his unfocused gaze is over my head. “Lily?” he says.