Brendella in the Backwoods Peepshow
by Thomas Yonge
Copyright 2011 Thomas Yonge
Smashwords Edition
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Other Stories by Thomas Yonge available at Smashwords
Other Brendella Stories Available
Short Stories
Brendella and the Horny Goblins
Brendella and the Trouble With Crystal Balls
Brendella vs. the Tentacle Monster
Brendella and the Overfriendly Enchantress
Collections
Brendella: Collected Stories Volume One
Contents
Brendella in the Backwoods Peepshow
Brendella in the Backwoods Peepshow
The afternoon shadows were growing long.
Brendella, Warrior of the Sands, scanned the horizon from her saddle. She would soon need to find a place to stop and spend the night. With any luck, she might find a decent inn, a mug of ale, and a nice, relaxing bath.
Up ahead, movement caught her attention. She put a hand to the knife on her belt, but quickly saw there was no danger, and relaxed. A pair of young men, still teens by the look of them, were loading a cart along the road.
Brendella approached the pair, reining in her horse once she had drawn alongside them.
"Ho there," she said. "Do either of you lads know of an inn nearby?"
One the youths looked up at her, wiped the sweat from his brow. "No inn around here, ma'am. Very sorry."
"None at all?" asked Brendella. "My muscles are crying out for a hot bath and a bed." She stretched her arms above her head. My, that felt nice! she thought. She held that pose for a long moment. When she returned her eyes to the two young men, both we're staring up at her.
"A hot b-bath?" said the second lad. "You … and a … bath?"
Brendella squinted at the young man. Something must be the matter with his head.
The stammering lad looked to his companion, who now started feverishly nodding.
"Ah! That's right," the first lad said, excitedly. "There, uh, is an inn up ahead. I think they offer hot baths there."
"There is?" asked Brendella. "You're sure?"
"Uh, yes. Quite sure. Keep going along the road here, take a right when you reach the white fence …" He continued on, giving her rambling directions to the inn.
Brendella nodded. "Very good. And you're sure I'll be able to take a hot bath there?"
"P-please do," said the stammering young man. "I mean yes, do."
The other youth shook his head. "He means yes, you can."
The stammering boy's face appeared flushed as he nodded in agreement.
"Is he alright?" Brendella asked.
"Him? Oh yeah, he's fine. Too long in the sun is all."
"Very well," said the warrior-woman. "Thank you for your assistance." She urged her mare forward, leaving behind the two grinning young men.
Brendella shook her head sadly. Poor, simple-minded, country folk.
* * * * *
"You could tell they were huge even through her armor!" breathed Evan.
"I know," Niles agreed. "Did you see the way she stretched?"
"Hot damn!" cried Evan. "I can't wait to see what else she has under that armor!"
"You were babbling like an idiot!" Niles told him, and they both laughed merrily.
Although old enough by Backwoods district customs to be married, Niles was still a virgin. In all his eighteen years, he had never seen a woman like the one they had just met on the road. And he knew that Evan hadn't, either. His friend was only a month older, and they had known each other their entire lives. Women like that simply didn't live around these parts.
Hell, thought Niles, women like that didn't even pass through these parts.
But now there was one.
And thank the Gods, but Niles' quick mind had come up with a plan to see the beautiful woman in all her splendor. He just hoped that it would work.
Fueled by images of the warrior-woman slowly and deliberately washing every inch of her naked body, Niles and Even raced across the intervening fields, and now stood staring at the old abandoned barn.
"She'll be here soon," Evan said.
Niles nodded. "We should get Ronnie, too." He would want to be here for this. Plus, the woman had already seen Evan and him.
He looked over the old wooden building. Around back, there was a small shed. That would make a great bath-house.
Now, all they needed to do was turn this barn into an inn.
* * * * *
Brendella climbed down from her horse and approached the wooden building. It had all the look of a barn, although a crudely drawn sign proclaimed this place to be the Very Good Inn. An utterly ridiculous name, she thought. Something vaguely resembling a bed was drawn there, too.
Brendella sighed. When one was a warrior sworn to fight Evil, traveling the length and breadth of the continent as she was, there weren't always the finest beds and meals available.
As long as this place had a mattress, she would be satisfied. And a bath, she thought, stepping forward - she could use a extended rest in a nice, warm soak to soothe her weary muscles.
She pulled open the door and went inside. It was worse than she feared. The place didn't even look like an inn — it looked like the inside of a barn. She wrinkled her nose. It smelt like the inside of a barn, too.
There was only one table, situated in the center of the room and flanked by a pair of chairs. At least it was unoccupied, she thought.
She couldn't even locate the bar. She hesitated. "Hello?"
A young man appeared, no more than eighteen or nineteen. He was tall and cute. He came forward motioning for her to sit down.
"Hello. Please," he said, "rest here. Welcome to the Comfortable Inn."
"The Comfortable Inn, or …?"
"The Very Good Inn. Right! The Comfortable Inn — that was the old name. We changed that, I forgot. P-please," he said again, "sit."
She crossed to the table, and pulled back one of the chairs. The youth seemed awfully nervous for a server.
"I don't often see young lads serving in inns," she told him.
"Well," he said, "it's a good job, and there isn't much work to be had in this part of the district." He smiled wide. "Something to drink? Or to eat? A bath perhaps?"
"How is the food here?" she asked.
The youth glanced around. "The f-food? Umm, not so good, honestly."
Brendella sighed. "Just ale, then."
"Ale." He looked around uncertain. "Right away." He turned, stumbled, then dashed off to fetch her drink.
What a strange lad, she thought. And what an odd inn.
* * * * *
"Ronnie are you dense?" Niles was staring at the other boy. "We haven't got any ale! We haven't got anything."
"I'm sorry, Niles. But I thought we were supposed to be an inn."
Niles groaned. "We're not really an inn, you dunce. You're supposed to be getting her into the bath-house, remember?"
"I'm sorry Niles," said Ronnie. "I'm nervous is all." His eyes lit up. "I mean, did you see how tight her leather pants are? Boy, I'd sure like to see how she looks from behind!"
Niles put a hand on the other boy's shoulder. "If you get her into the bath-house, you'll see a whole lot more than that," he told him. "Now get out there and convince her to go to the shed."